What Happened to the Baby Clownfish?

Dear Kid,

You know I’ve been traveling, right?

While I’ve been away, Dad has fallen in love with the BBC show Blue Planet II.

So for the past several evenings, that’s what we’ve been watching (after all, the Olympics are over).

What happened to the baby clownfish? DearKidLoveMom.comBlue Planet II moves at about the speed of a tired dirge, with about as much storyline. But it is strangely addictive. There was a great segment about daddy clownfish moving a half a coconut shell over to the anemone so that there’s a hard surface for momma clownfish to lay her eggs. I’m excited to see the birth of baby clownfish! But we cut to different fish who are about to throw themselves into a pod of sharks.

I want to know about the baby clownfish (who hatch 11 days after the eggs are fertilized).

The music is soothing, the narrator is Britishly soothing, and the cinematography is beyond spectacular. HOW do they get these shots? I think they must have GoPros on marine life.

I still want to know what happens to the baby clownfish.

How do they get the time-lapse photography? Most fish won’t hold still long enough for their GoPro to capture time-lapse.

The show ends. We’re surprisingly calm. Even though we never found out what happened to the baby clownfish. Swim little fishies!!

Love, Mom

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The All Beer Dinner Celebration

Dear Kid,

There are all kinds of reasons to celebrate today—I’m sure you can come up with one or two.

So I decided to provide you with the recipes for an All Beer Dinner. Ta-dah!

Not the frat kind of all beer dinner (appetizer: beer; main course: beer; side dish: beer; dessert: cheap beer, because by then who cares!).

This is the real deal. Or real beer. Or something.

We start with an appetizer of Beer Fondue. (Sounds delish, no?)

Beer Fondue

  • 2 garlic cloves (or about that much pre-chopped up garlic)
  • ½ cup beer (plus some for drinking)
  • 2 cups dry white wine, divided (plus some for drinking)
  • 3 tablespoons cornstarch
  • 1 pound Gruyère, coarsely grated
  • 1 pound Babybel cheese, grated
  • 2 tablespoons bourbon (plus—ok, you get the idea)
  • ¼ teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
  • Stuff for dunking in the fondue

Finely grate garlic into saucepan; add beer and 1½ cups wine and bring to a boil over medium heat. Whisk cornstarch and remaining ½ cup wine in a small bowl until no lumps remain (this is very important because who likes lumpy fondue?), then whisk into liquid in saucepan. Bring to a boil, whisking constantly.

Reduce heat so mixture is at a very low simmer and very gradually add Gruyère and Babybel, whisking until smooth (fully incorporate each batch of cheese before adding more).

Whisk bourbon and baking soda in a small bowl to combine, then whisk into fondue, followed by lemon juice; season with salt if necessary (it probably isn’t because of all the cheese, but to each his own salt level).

Transfer to a fondue pot and serve with bread, pretzels, and/or crudités for dipping. Or just chug it.

Because, beer.

A Cicerone is one knowledgeable about beer. Prost! DearKidLoveMom.com

After the fondue, we’re moving on to Beer Butt Chicken.

The key to great chicken is (obviously) butter, beer, time, a grill, and (even more obviously) chicken.

Beer Butt Chicken

Preheat an outdoor grill for low heat.

In a small skillet, melt ½ cup butter. Mix in 1 TBLSP garlic salt, 1 TBLSP paprika, salt, and pepper. Save this to baste the chicken.

Discard Drink ½ a 12 oz can of beer, then add ½ cup of butter, 1 TBLSP garlic salt, 1 TBLSP paprika, and some salt and pepper to beer can. Place can on a disposable baking sheet (disposable because you really won’t want it back afterward). Set chicken on can, inserting can into the cavity of the chicken.

Baste chicken with the melted seasoned butter.

Place baking sheet with beer and chicken on the prepared grill. Cook over low heat for about 3 hours, or until internal temperature of chicken reaches 180 degrees F.

Do not drink the beer that’s been in the chicken’s hindquarters.

Eat the chicken.

A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure.-- Czech Proverb, DearKidLoveMom.com

To go along with the Beer Butt Chicken, I suggest Green Beans in Beer Sauce.

Green Beans in Beer Sauce

  • 1/3 of a pound of sliced bacon, diced (adjust for the amount you’ll snack on)
  • 1 package (16 oz) frozen cut green beans (see how easy this is?); leave the green beans out to thaw
  • 1/3 cup beer (drink the rest)
  • 1/3 cup butter, cubed (throw any extra on the chicken—it won’t complain)
  • 3 TBLSP brown sugar
  • 3 TBLSP white vinegar
  • 4 tspns cornstarch
  • 2 tspns grated onion (or a bunch of onion powder)

Cook bacon in a large skillet over medium heat until crisp. Try not to eat all of it.

In a large saucepan, bring the beans, beer, and butter to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 8-10 minutes or until beans are crisp-tender.

Using a slotted spoon, remove bacon to paper towels to drain. Remove beans with a slotted spoon and keep warm.

In a small bowl, combine the brown sugar, vinegar, cornstarch, and onion until blended. Stir into the saucepan. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 1-2 minutes or until thickened. Add beans; heat through. Sprinkle with bacon. 

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. -- Archie Bunker, DearKidLoveMom.com

I assume you’re making your own bread. Here’s a recipe for beer bread.

Beer Bread

  • 3 cups flour (sifted—this is very, very important if you don’t want to be eating a brick)
  • 3 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 14 cup sugar
  • 1 (12 ounce) can beer
  • 12 cup melted butter

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Mix dry ingredients and beer and pour into a greased loaf pan.

Pour melted butter over mixture.

Bake 1 hour, remove from pan and cool for at least 15 minutes.

Birthday Cake, Happy Birthday Kid DearKidLoveMom.com

And of course dessert. I offer two options. First is Chocolate Guinness Cake.

Chocolate Guinness Cake

  • 1 cup Guinness (because, beer)
  • ½ cup butter, cubed (are you noticing a beer and butter theme here?)
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 3/4 cup baking cocoa
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 2/3 cup sour cream
  • 3 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda

TOPPING:

  • 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
  • 1-1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar
  • 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

Grease a 9-in. springform pan (you can borrow mine) and line the bottom with parchment paper; set aside.

In a small saucepan, heat beer and butter until butter is melted. Remove from the heat; whisk in sugar and cocoa until blended. Combine the eggs, sour cream, and vanilla; whisk into beer mixture. Seriously, whisk.

Combine flour and baking soda; whisk into beer mixture until smooth. Pour batter into prepared pan.

Bake at 350° for 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool completely in pan on a wire rack. Remove sides of pan.

For the topping:

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese until fluffy. Add confectioners’ sugar and cream; beat until smooth (do not over-beat). Ice top of cake so that it resembles a frothy pint of beer. Refrigerate leftovers. (Um, what leftovers?)

Happy Birthday! DearKidLoveMom.com

Option 2 for dessert: Beer Cookies

Beer Cookies

  • 2 Cups flour
  • ½ tspn baking soda
  • ½ Cup brown sugar (packed tightly)
  • 1 tspn cinnamon
  • ½ Cup butter
  • 1 ¼ Cup beer, at room temperature (drink the rest)
  • ½ Cup walnuts (or not)

Preheat oven to 350.

Cream together butter and brown sugar. Cut in flour, baking soda, and cinnamon. Blend in beer slowly to form a soft dough.

Drop by teaspoonfuls onto a baking sheet (lined with parchment paper if you’re smart) and top with a walnut piece (or not).

Bake 12-15 minutes until lightly brown. Cool one minute on cookie sheet and remove to wire rack.

Happy Birthday, Kiddo!

Love, Mom

Disclaimer: I haven’t made any of the recipes. But they sound good and MFtI recommended them. So enjoy.

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Today Is Not The Same As Yesterday (and the world is stunned by this)

Today Is Not The Same As Yesterday (and the world is stunned by this)

Dear Kid,

And how things can change in a day.

I'm ready for Winter is Going. DearKidLoveMom.comTurns out that the east coast of These Here United States is going to get about a Vortex-full of snow and my trip to New Jersey has been rescheduled. To April. When presumably it will not be polar bear season in Newark.

The airline is rejoicing. Oh, no problem! We’ll happily exchange your $357 ticket for a $250 ticket (do not pass go, do not collect a refund). And thank you so much for staying out of our hair during what we are sure will be a rather nasty few days.

Dear Burglars,

I told you not to get your hopes up.

In other news, today is National Cereal Day. (Yesterday was National Oreo Day—how did I miss celebrating that one?!)

Factoid: CheeriOats was the original name for Cheerios

National Cereal Day is ridiculously easy to celebrate. Just pour a bowl of cereal and enjoy.

Factoid: The cereal industry uses over 800 million pounds of sugar a year (so it is closer to National Oreo Day than I thought…)

It’s not clear if National Cereal Day refers only to cold cereal. But since we’re about to be gripped in Vortex of Polar Proportions, I say go for it and eat oatmeal if you want.

Love, Mom

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Airlines Panic Ahead of Winter Storms

Airlines Panic Ahead of Winter Storms

Dear Kid,

The airlines are learning.

Well, not so much learning as panicking.

They are predicting snow. People are rushing hither and thither laying in provisions for the impending storm. Milk? Check. Bread? Check. Toilet paper? Check. DearKidLoveMom.comAccording to the meteorologists, Weather is coming. According to the meteorologists who watch Game of Thrones, that Weather is Winter. And it’s coming.

According to the people I work for, several of us will be traveling from Cincinnati to Newark this week. During the aforementioned Weather.

Dear Burglars,

Don’t bother. The Rabid Puppy and the Angry Husband* are staying home to protect the Puppy’s toys.

*Doesn’t that sound like the name of a computer game?

The airlines are so convinced that there will be weather problems that they have already sent out waivers, basically saying “You know that part where we said you couldn’t change your ticket? Just kidding. Go ahead and change it. Please change it! Please, please change it because we’re already planning a snow day and don’t want to deal with unhappy humans.”

I have not (as of this writing) changed my travel plans.

I have however mentally repacked what I’m taking to include mittens, boots, and a scarf.

And a huge helping of patience.

I’m pretty sure I’ll need all the extra patience I can get.

Love, Mom

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Returning from the Cruise | The Puppy Has His Own Opinions

Returning from the Cruise | The Puppy Has His Own Opinions

Dear Kid,

Me: Hi, Baby! We’re back!
Puppy: Oh, hi Mom.
Puppy Conversations DearKidLoveMom.comMe: Come on Sweetie, it’s time to go home.
Puppy: You go on. I’ll catch you later.
Me: We’ve been away for 10 days!
Puppy: I know. Did you have fun?
Me: Wouldn’t you like to say Hello?
Puppy: I did (see several lines above).
Me: I meant with a snuggle and ecstatic wiggling.
Puppy: Not necessary. You don’t have to wiggle. I know you’re back.
Me: This isn’t the greeting I imagined.
Puppy: You have an active imagination.
Me: So you had fun?
Puppy: I had a great time. So I’m staying here.
Me: What?
Puppy: You can visit whenever you want.
Me: This isn’t your home.
Puppy: I’m pretty sure they’d be happy to let me live here.
Me: Um…
Puppy: Good. So it’s all settled.
Me: Not settled. What about your pillow?
Puppy: I get to sleep on people beds here. No contest.
Me: And our family?
Puppy: You’ll visit! We’re only a few houses away.
Me: What about your toys?
Puppy: I do love my toys…You can bring them here.
Me: You’d have to share them if we brought them here.
Puppy: I’m not very good at sharing.
Me: No, not so much.
Puppy: This is a hard decision.
Me: This is not a decision at all. Time to go home.
Puppy: I don’t think you understand how “negotiation” works.
Dad: Most of the time “negotiation” means “Do what Mommy says.”
Me: Let’s go.
Puppy: Hey, I’ve been ready. I was wondering why you’re keeping me waiting…

Love, Mom

Who do you know who would enjoy Puppy Conversations? Share the DearKidLoveMom.com love
See more puppy conversations

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Iguanas and Monkeys and Macaws! Oh, My!

Iguanas and Monkeys and Macaws! Oh, My!

Dear Kid,

On our honeymoon, Dad and I saw wild capuchin monkeys in Costa Rica. On our recent trip we encountered semi-wild capuchin monkeys in Roatan, an island right off the coast of Honduras.

We were at the Lomalinda Natural Reserve, where first we saw a Great Kapok Tree (no joke).

The Great Kapok Tree Lomalinda. DearKidLoveMom.com

Then we moved on to several kinds of iguanas (wild, but highly content to live off regular feedings by the professionals of the Reserve), macaws (somewhat less than wild and highly content to earn their living as professional models), and capuchin monkeys.

Macaws, highly content to earn their living as professional models. DearKidLoveMom.com

There are several other types of monkeys in the preserve, but the capuchins are territorial and generally run off the other primates from “Monkey Land” where they have the caretakers well trained to give them sunflowers for behaving nicely among the visitors. Important Note: One crosses La-La Bridge to get to Monkey Land. How could this not be a wonderful place?

The word “capuchin” was given to the monkeys in the 15th century (that’s before you were born) by explorers who saw the little black tops of the monkeys’ heads and were reminded of the “cappuccino”, the small hat the friars of the Franciscan monks wore. The monkeys didn’t object, but they didn’t start wearing friars’ robes either.

The length of a capuchin monkey’s body is equal to the length of its tail. This is so that the monkey can balance as he or she swings through trees and leaps across branches. More importantly it’s so that the monkey can wrap its tail around my neck as he or she sits adorably on my shoulder.

The length of a capuchin monkey’s body is equal to the length of its tail. This is so that the monkey can balance as he or she swings through trees and leaps across branches. More importantly it’s so that the monkey can wrap its tail around my neck as he or she sits adorably on my shoulder. DearKidLoveMom.com

I cannot begin to describe how soft these babies are.

Capuchin monkeys are diurnal which means that they spend their days looking for food (with a brief siesta after lunch—I am not making that up) and sleep at night. Mostly because there are no visitors play with after dark.

The length of a capuchin monkey’s body is equal to the length of its tail. This is so that the monkey can balance as he or she swings through trees and leaps across branches. More importantly it’s so that the monkey can wrap its tail around my neck as he or she sits adorably on my shoulder. DearKidLoveMom.com

They are omnivores who mainly eat the sunflower seeds the handlers give them but are quite content to hunt for fruit, berries, leaves, flowers, insects, spiders (yay for the spider hunting monkeys!), birds, small mammals (wait, what?), and eggs. All of which is to say they aren’t that picky as long as they’re fed, but they draw the line at McDonalds. And kale. They’re much too smart to eat kale, imo.

And they are very smart. After all, they’ve trained the caretakers to feed them regularly. They also use tools like sticks, stones, and large chain saws to open nuts and hard seeds.

Natural predators include boa constrictors, jaguars, cougars, coyotes, birds of prey, and people of prey. (Which one of these doesn’t belong? Hunt with cameras people!)

After our time with the macaws, iguanas, and monkeys, Dad and I took a long walk on the beach before heading back to the ship.

Day, perfect.

Love, Mom

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Mojito Time!!

Dear Kid,

Mojito Time! DearKidLoveMom.comDo you know about Mojitos?

While we were on our trip, Dad and I had Mojitos. This was a very exciting moment for your papa as it was his first Mojito.

He was a happy camper.

Mojitos are traditionally made with mint leaves (lightly muddled, please), lime juice (freshly squeezed, please), sugar or simple syrup, crushed ice, rum, soda water (just a splash, please), more mint (for garnish, doncha know), and a slice of lime (because this drink deserves two garnishes).

Mojitos have been around for a very long time (they were not invented by Mrs. Joe Neanderthal, but that’s just because she didn’t hold with diluting alcohol with anything).

It’s possible that Sir Francis Drake helped invent the Mojito in Cuba. At the time, the mojito-like drink was medicinal (it was good for treating scurvy and dysentery, both of which grand supply).

People in Cuba and Miami have been happily drinking Mojitos for the last 500 years. Hemingway was a huge fan as was Brigitte Bardot. In recent years, the Mojito got a big boost in popularity when James Bond (Pierce Brosnan’s version) gave up his martini for a Mojito. Then Sam (from Burn Notice) drank Mojitos regularly (and irregularly).

According to My Friend the Internet, Mojitos are very popular in Poland. And Britain.

Because people think they can, there are number of variations on the Mojito theme. A Mexican Mojito uses tequila instead of rum. A Dirty Mojito uses dark spiced rum, brown sugar, and key limes. The English Mojito uses gin and Sprite instead of rum and soda (and they generally garnish with a cucumber and an accent).

Cheers!

Love, Mom

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