Dear Kid,

Puppy: What is THAT wonderful thing?
Me: The garbage?
Puppy: It smells fantastic!
Me: Sniffing is allow. Touching is not.
Puppy: My nose is sooo happy.
Me: I’m very glad your nose is happy.
Puppy: When do we eat the stuff in that wonderful thing?
Me: We don’t.
Puppy: What?
Me: It’s the garbage.
Puppy: You said that. Garbage smells delicious.
Me: Garbage is not for Puppies.
Puppy: Ridiculous.
Me: Do not touch.
Puppy: It’s very hard to behave with that wonderful thing right there.


Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: I’m cooking.
Puppy: There are very good sniffs up there.
Me: I’m glad you approve.
Puppy: May I have a taste please?
Me: This is not for you.
Puppy: What?
Me: It’s for the family.
Puppy: But I’M family.
Me: Right. It’s for family members with only two legs.
Puppy: Not my fault you’re all limb-deficient.


Puppy: Mom!
Me: What?
Puppy: I have to eat some of those smells!
Me: No.
Puppy: What?
Me: No. Not for Puppies.
Puppy: We should talk about this.
Me: We can talk. Won’t change the answer.
Puppy: I don’t like this.
Me: I know, but we want to keep you healthy.
Puppy: I don’t think I like “healthy.”

Love, Mom

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