Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mommy. We need to talk.
Me: We do?
Puppy: I heard you talking to Pi
Me: Yes?
Puppy: And you said that it was better to explain why she didn’t want to do something rather than just saying she didn’t want to
Me: Very true
Puppy: And to explain the good parts and the icky parts
Me: Still true
Puppy: So I made a list
Me: You what?
Puppy: Made a list
Me: Of?
Puppy: Why I don’t like baths
Me: I can hardly wait. Do tell.
Puppy: I like the cheese afterward. But I’m a big boy and I think I should get two pieces of cheese.
Me: One piece it is
Puppy: And I like when you tell me I’m a good doggy.
Me: You are a Most Excellent Beast
Puppy: I like snuggling. And I like when I get you wet and you squeak.
Me: I’m sure other people share your joy
Puppy: But I don’t like the water
Me: Hard to see how we’ll manage a bath without water
Puppy: I don’t like the shampoo. It’s cold.
Me: I am not going to microwave the shampoo
Puppy: And the linens. I don’t like having you wash my blankets
Me: Why not?
Puppy: Because then they smell CLEAN! And I don’t like it when you wash my tail.
Me: It’s a part that has to get washed
Puppy: No, I don’t think there are any parts that HAVE to get washed
Me: Don’t think we’re going to agree on that one
Puppy: I like it when you dry me, but you should do it faster. Much faster.
Me: So you can get to the cheese more quickly?
Puppy: The two pieces of cheese
Me: One
Puppy: So I think it would be better if we just snuggle and have cheese and skip the water and shampoo part
Me: You do
Puppy: Yes. I think that is an excellent idea
Me: It certainly is interesting
Puppy: Oh, good
Pi: Be carefully, fuzzy boy. In Mom World “interesting” doesn’t mean she agrees
Puppy: WHAT? That doesn’t seem right
Pi: Trust me
Me: Have you finished telling me the list?
Puppy: Why?
Me: It’s bath time
Puppy: I’m pretty sure I have to take a nap. I have to chew a toy. I have somewhere to be
Me: That “somewhere” is your bath
Puppy: Maybe we should review the list again
Me: Sure. We can discuss it while you’re in the bath
Puppy: But no water and no shampoo, right?
Me: No water and no shampoo until it’s time for water and shampoo
Puppy: I don’t like baths. I am not a water dog
Me: But very soon you will be a clean dog
Puppy: This conversation worked out much better in my head
Me: I love you too, sweetie. You are a Most Excellent Beast
Puppy: I am a good boy
Me: You are. Please lift your paw so I can wash it

Puppy rolls around after a bath.

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?, Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party, Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of, Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope, National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say, Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal, The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House, and October is National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month |Puppy Has an Announcement