Dear Kid,

Puppy: You’re weird.
Me: Um, thank you? Why do you say that?
Puppy: You always pee in the same place.
Me: The bathroom, yes.
Puppy: And you don’t sniff before you pee.
Me: True.
Puppy: I take my time.
Me: You do.
Puppy: I sniff around, I think about where to pee.
Me: You do.
Puppy: And I pee in different places.
Me: Yes, that’s true too.
Puppy: You’re weird.

Puppy Conversations

Puppy: You picked up my poop.
Me: Yes.
Puppy: You always pick up my poop.
Me: Yes, of course.
Puppy: Because you love my poop.
Me: Well, I love you.
Puppy: And so we should–Hey! You have someone’s poop in that bag!
Me: I, um, yes.
Puppy: It smells very interesting.
Me: It’s your poop.
Puppy: Don’t be ridiculous.


Puppy: Yip!
Me: What’s the matter?
Puppy: I was attacked! Who attacked me?
Me: No one attacked you.
Puppy: Don’t be silly. I felt it.
Me: That was you, snookie.
Puppy: I attacked me? I wouldn’t attack me. I LIKE me.
Me: You farted.
Puppy: I would never.
Me: You did.
Puppy: I was attacked.

Love, Mom

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