Puppy

February 16, 2018

Chinese New Year | February 16, 2018

Dear Kid,

Have you been paying attention to Chinese astrology? If not, no worries; I’m here to help.

2018 is the Year of the Dog.

Puppy: Which is really seven years, so it’s pretty much always the dog’s year.

The Dog is the 11th sign in the Chinese zodiac.

Puppy: Nonsense. Dogs are #1.

Lucky numbers for Dogs are 3, 4, and 9.

Puppy: What’s our lucky food?

Lucky colors are red, green, and purple.

Puppy: We’re color blind!!

Lucky flowers are rose and cymbidium orchids.

Puppy: You forgot grass.

There are several on-line calculators to help you figure out if you’re a Dog.

Puppy: Seriously? You need help with this? Do you “woof”?

Dogs are loyal, honest, kind, cautious, and prudent.

Puppy: You left out good looking and furry.

Dogs are not good at communication.

Puppy: You jest!

Overall, Dogs enjoy good health for they tend to be happy all the time. Dogs are active at sports so they are resilient to illnesses, such as colds, coughs, and fever.

Puppy: Of course we’re happy all the time! Naps, treats, a good scratch. What’s not to be happy about?

Dogs do not tend to be criminals or seek dishonest gains…

Puppy: We don’t have thumbs! But some of us are not above sneaking an extra bit of food.

…they just need a quiet life and a good family. Dogs are always ready to help others and do not care about their own interests, but if they find themselves betrayed by cunning people they will feel shocked and hurt.

Puppy: What do you mean “betrayed by cunning people”??

They are easygoing and kind, and are always ready to alleviate the workload of others, which makes them very popular in their work group.

Puppy: Let’s go back. What do you mean by “betrayed by cunning people”!?!

Good careers for Dogs are police officer, interior designer, professor, politician, nurse, or judge.

Puppy: I would be a great politician!

Happy Year of the Dog!

Love, Mom

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January 2, 2018

New Year’s Brunch and Puppy Judgement

Dear Kid,

We’ve launched our way into 2018 with all the other things that make the first day of the year The First Day of the Year, like toasts and gestures and brownies and champagne and brunch and parades and football and hockey.

And Judgement.

Yes, judgement.

You’d think we could get past the first day of the year without judgement. But you’d be wrong.

Puppy Conversations DearKidLoveMom.comThe Puppy was clear.

Puppy: You’ve been Out.
Me: Yes, we went to New Year’s Brunch. Just like every year.
Puppy: And you didn’t take me.
Me: You’ve never been invited to this particular gathering.
Puppy: But there was Another Dog there.
Me: Yes….
Puppy: A dog I’ve never smelled before.
Me: Yes….
Puppy: And you snuggled!
Me: Again, true.

The Puppy gives me a look that combines disappointment, judgement, regret, pitifulness, long suffering, martyrdom, and rebuke.

Puppy: Did you have a good time?
Me: Yes, it was lovely. We really enjoyed the company, and the dog was very, very sweet.
Puppy: You probably ate while you were there didn’t you?
Me: Yes, it was delicious.
Puppy: And you didn’t bring me any, did you?
Me: Well, they didn’t serve puppy food. Just people food.
Puppy: I like people food.
Me: This was not food we would have shared with you.

The Puppy doubles down on The Look.

And we’re only on Day 1.

Sigh.

Love, Mom

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December 4, 2017

Puppy, Mutts, and National Mutt Day

Puppy, Mutts, and National Mutt Day

Dear Kid,

Just in case you weren’t paying attention, this past Saturday was National Mutt Day, a holiday to “raise awareness of the plight of mixed breed dogs in shelters.”

Puppy: What’s a “mutt”?
Me: It’s when something is not all the same.
Puppy: Like our silverware.
Pi: He’s right. There are a lot of mis-matches in there.
Me: I prefer to think of it as getting away from being too matchy-matchy.
Puppy: Like a mutt.

In general, mixed breed dogs tend to be healthier, more flexible, and better behaved than purebreds.

Pi: Right up to the point they encounter another dog who is very sweet and just wants to take a nap rather than playing. Looking at you, short stuff.
Puppy: I am a good boy.
Pi: Keep telling yourself that.

Mixed breeds are often trained for performances and working (bomb and drug sniffing, search and rescue, guide dog, etc.). Those jobs used to be for purebred animals but the roles are now often filled by mixed breed.

Puppy: I work.
Me: You do not work.
Puppy: I work very hard!
Me: And I repeat. You do not work.
Puppy: Well, I could work if I wanted to.
Pi: Keep telling yourself that.

About 80% of the dogs in shelters are mixed breeds.

Puppy: What’s a “mixed breed”?
Pi: A mutt.
Puppy: Synonyms are hard.

Love, Mom

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November 30, 2017

Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Trip | Part III

Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Trip | Part III

Dear Kid,

The conversation continued…

Puppy Conversations: What Your Pet Wants You to Know (Conversations with the Dog) by Judi Cogen is here! Details coming soon. DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: And then we had to drive all the way home.
Me: It was a long drive, wasn’t it?
Puppy: It lasted my whole entire life.
Me: It lasted the better part of a day.
Puppy: That’s what I said. The entire universe of time.
Me: You stayed awake for the entire trip. That’s a long time to go without a nap.
Puppy: Well, someone had to monitor our progress.
Me: I thought we were doing that…
Puppy: Not as well as I was.
Me: I see.
Puppy: We stopped at lots of places, but we didn’t stay long enough to make friends.
Me: That’s called a rest stop.
Puppy: What? We didn’t rest at all. We got out of the car.
Me: We rested from driving.
Puppy: You’re weird. There’s nothing to rest from! You were sitting the entire time.
Me: Um…
Puppy: Then we were home.
Me: Yes.
Puppy: I like home.
Me: Home is where the heart is.
Puppy: Home is where my pillow is.
Me: “Home is where the heart is” means that wherever the people you love are is your home.
Puppy: No.
Me: Excuse me?
Puppy: The people I love were on the trip with me and we definitely weren’t Home. We were Away.
Me: Yes, but…
Pi: He’s got a good point.
Puppy: It is very tiring being on a Trip. You have to meet people, and stay awake, and sniff things.
Me: It can be very tiring.
Puppy: I believe I will stay home for a while.
Me: I believe I will too.
Puppy: I believe I will have a snack.
Me: I believe you will not.
Puppy: I would have gotten a snack on the trip.
Me: Sometimes trip rules and home rules are a little different.
Puppy: Very confusing.
Me: Yes.
Puppy: Very tiring.
Me: Yes.
Puppy: zzzzzz…snort…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Love, Mom

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November 29, 2017

Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Trip | Part II

Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Trip | Part II

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Did I tell you about my trip?
Me: I’m pretty sure I was there with you.
Puppy: But it’s better when I tell it.
Me: I’m sure it is. What would you like to tell me?
Puppy: It’s a secret.
Me: Ah, I see. Who are we not telling?
Puppy: You.
Me: Me?
Puppy: You.
Me: What are we not telling me?
Puppy: I slept on a people bed.
Me: I can see why that would be a secret.*
Puppy: So I think I should sleep on a people bed at home too.
Me: No.
Puppy: Good, so I …wait, what?
Me: No.
Puppy: But that was what I learned!
Me: Uh-huh.
Puppy: And we’re supposed to practice what we learn!
Me: There are different rules in different houses. Our rules haven’t changed.
Puppy: But I LIKED sleeping on a people bed at Auntie M’s.
Me: I’m sure you did.
Puppy: And I’m sure I would like sleeping on a people bed in our house.
Me: You are doomed to disappointment.

Love, Mom

*In our house, Puppies do not go upstairs and they do not sleep on people beds.

 

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November 28, 2017

Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Trip | Part I

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Do you want to hear about our trip?
Pi: I was on the trip. I was there.
Puppy: So I can tell you about it, right?Puppy Conversations DearKidLoveMom.com
Pi: Sure, you tell me about it.
Puppy: First, we rode in the car. And everybody got to try different seats. Except me. I sat in the same seat the whole time.
Pi: Except when you sat on me.
Puppy: Well, technically you were in my seat.
Pi: Technically, there are three seats in the backseat and you took up all of them.
Puppy: Really? I thought they were all mine.
Pi: And you are a very small puppy, so taking up all that space is quite a feat.
Puppy: I have four feet.
Pi: Yes.
Puppy: And then we met People.
Pi: You like people.
Puppy: They were very nice People.
Pi: Who else did you meet?
Puppy: The Dog.
Pi: And he’s a Very Sweet Dog.
Puppy: He’s enormous!
Pi: And very sweet.
Puppy: He watched me eat. I think he wanted my food.
Pi: He’s a Labrador. He wants everyone’s food.
Puppy: But I want my food!
Pi: You got your food. No one took it away from you.
Puppy: But he watched.
Pi: I’m pretty sure you watched each other.
Puppy: He watched more.
Pi: And you watched all the people eat.
Puppy: No one shared the turkey with me and it smelled DELICIOUS!!!
Pi: It’s rough when everyone knows the rules, isn’t it?
Puppy: No one even spilled crumbs. It was very disappointing.
Pi: Just in case you were curious, it was delicious…..
Puppy: Now I’m even more disappointed.

Love, Mom

 
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