Puppy

Weekend Recap (a Day Late, But….)

Dear Kid,

What a fabulous success the Cincinnati Coffee Festival was. The venue was great, the vendors were wonderful, the crowds were spectacular, the music was top notch, the demos were interesting and well attended, and my Fitbit got a ridiculous workout.

Despite the amount of caffeine I had (yes, I tasted just about everything—I felt it was my obligation), I slept most of the day yesterday. I could use a few more days of wall-to-wall napping, but I’m starting to feel a bit more human.

In other news, the Puppy’s tail is feeling better. Did I tell you he sprained his tail a few weeks ago? If it weren’t so sad to see him yelp and then try to turn around to see who was tweaking his tail, it would have been funny. He now appears to be entirely healed.

The Bengals lost (not exactly a big surprise), Ohio University won, Indiana won (not many people noticed), the Cyclones won Friday night but lost Saturday night, Wilkes-Barre Penguins won both Saturday night and Sunday night (you knew that), and various other sports teams won and lost (generally not simultaneously).

I’ve used up most of my words—need to keep sleeping and replenish them.

Love, Mom

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Why Dogs Turn Around Before They Sleep | Puppy Conversations

Why Dogs Turn Around Before They Sleep | Puppy Conversations

Dear Kid,

Me: Why do dogs turn around before they settle down to sleep?
Pi: That’s a good question.
Puppy: No it’s not.
Me: It’s not?
Puppy: No.
Pi: Why isn’t it a good question?
Puppy: The good question is, “Why don’t you turn around before you go to sleep?”
Me: That is a good question.
Pi: No it’s not.
Me: It’s not?
Pi: No.
Puppy: Why isn’t it a good question?
Pi: If Mom turned around before she went to sleep, she’d get dizzy and fall over.
Puppy: True.
Me: Wait a minute!
Puppy Conversations: What Your Pet Wants You to Know (Conversations with the Dog) by Judi Cogen is here! Details coming soon. DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: You can’t argue that.
Me: Can we please go back to the original question?
Puppy: The bad question?
Me: MY question. And I’m holding the treats.
Puppy: The Brilliant question.
Pi: Way to stand by your opinion.
Me: So why do dogs turn around before they settle down to sleep?
Puppy: There are several theories.
Pi: Like…?
Puppy: The most popular is that we turn around to flatten down the grass and make a little nest to sleep in.
Pi: … you do realize there’s no grass inside the house, right?…
Puppy: Another theory is that is that we turn around to look in all directions for enemies.
Pi: …would that be the squirrels outside or the TV in the family room?…
Puppy: Yet another theory is that we turn around to find our teddy bears.
Pi:…wait, what?
Puppy: But the real reason
Me: Yes?
Puppy: Is that it’s fun.
Pi: And makes people curious.
Puppy: Well, yeah that goes without saying.

Love, Mom

 
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Weekend Recap | Bengals, Coffee, Storm, Coffee, Snoring, Coffee

Dear Kid,

To recap the weekend.

The Bengals. Painful. Just painful to watch. In case you missed it (be thankful), there was fighting—as in it looked like a hockey game broke out on the field (no, I don’t think it looked like mixed martial arts). People were ejected. Commentators had explosive coronaries.

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. ~Stephanie Piro DearKidLoveMom.comSpeaking of painful to watch, I was on TV (I do not like to be in front of cameras). David (from La Terza Coffee) and I got up at (insert ungodly hour of the morning) and went down to WLWT to talk about the Cincinnati Coffee Festival. Dad said we were awesome, so I’m going with that. Of course, we were followed by puppies (seriously—tiny balls of fur were showing off their adorableness before their adoption event) and it’s pretty much impossible to compete with puppies.

I did not adopt one. But it was a struggle.

I’m going to be on TV again today on a different channel with a different coffee vendor. Hopefully no puppies and no struggling to walk away without taking one home.

Equally as difficult was sleeping. There was a storm. Complete with warnings (Flash Flood Warning, Severe Thunderstorm Warning, Tornado Warning, Unhappy Puppy Being Walked in the Rain Warning—you name it, we were warned).

On the plus side, it was clock changing weekend. I love having an extra hour. I usually spend it doing something wildly self-indulgent. This year, I spent it watching the Bengals implode. That was not self-indulgent. It was more ex-dulgent.

Also on the plus side: snoring Puppy. It is one of the most wonderful sounds in the world. And since he snored on and off all day, it was more than enough to satisfy my extra hour happiness quota.

Hope you enjoyed your extra hour.

Love, Mom

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Stop The Shedding! | Winter is Coming

Stop The Shedding! | Winter is Coming

Dear Kid,

Dear Puppy,

Take a look at the calendar. Take a look outside. Take a look at all the Pumpkin-Spice everythings.

It is Fall. And after Fall comes (some form of) winter.

Which means temperatures are going to continue to drop.

Puppy: Of course not. Now leave me alone. I have to rip out the squeaker and kill it. DearKidLoveMom.com/PuppyConversationsAnd you will want all that fur you are so, um, elegantly shedding right now.

Look at the squirrels. No, wait. Scratch that. Do NOT look at the squirrels—you’ll just start barking and miss the point.

The point is that if there WERE squirrels in our yard (you don’t need to check), they would be getting ready for winter. If there were squirrels anywhere (I’m sure there aren’t), they’d be out there storing nuts and sewing little squirrel mittens, not modeling bathing suits and shedding extra fur.

You are going to be unhappy if you’re cold. You are going to wish you’d kept your undercoat.

Winter is coming.

And I am not going to collect all that extra fur and glue it back on you.

No matter how pathetically you stare.

Love, Mom

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Mastiffs, Elephants, the Alps, and a Chihuahua

Mastiffs, Elephants, the Alps, and a Chihuahua

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time (or for all I know, two or three times upon a time) Hannibal was getting ready to cross the Alps.

He decided to take soldiers because they fight better than hairdressers (and everyone knew about Sampson) and elephants (because elephants are well-known for enjoying a romp in the snow—not). “Why not take a dog?” said Hannibal’s friend Flavius (Flavius is Latin for “friend who knows nothing but always gives advice”).

“Um, no,” said Hannibal, picturing a Chihuahua (even though Chihuahuas hadn’t been invented yet).

There are lots of types of mastiff; they are all bigger than you. They are also all furrier than you. It’s possible that they eat more than you (not really). They almost certainly drool more than you. I hope. DearKidLoveMom.comThen Flavius (Latin for “friend who occasionally has a reasonably good idea”) showed Hannibal a mastiff (Latin for “freakin’ huge canine”).

“Holy cow!” said Hannibal who was never really good with animals (see: Elephants and Snow [above]).

So mastiffs marched with Hannibal, the elephants, and the soldiers over the Alps.

On the way, they met (and by “met” I don’t mean “met”) other dogs. Eventually, one of the offspring was born with a barrel of whiskey around its neck and Saint Bernards were invented.

After they crossed the Alps, all the mastiffs got together and agreed that Alp-marching wasn’t anything they were interested in doing again. Ever. In fact, they agreed that most forms of work and/or exercise were worth avoiding, a credo they follow to this day. Do not argue with a mastiff about who gets control of the channel changer.

There are lots of types of mastiff; they are all bigger than you. They are also all furrier than you. It’s possible that they eat more than you (not really). They almost certainly drool more than you. I hope.

Like most dogs, mastiffs are very sweet, delightful creatures. Except when they aren’t (like if they’re being asked to cross the Alps). Always ask the mastiff’s person before saying hello to avoid being its mid-day snack.

Love, Mom

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Puppy Perspective on Breakfast

Puppy Perspective on Breakfast

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Scratch me.
Me: You’ll have to wait a few minutes.
Puppy: Scratch me.
Me: I’m busy. You’ll have to wait a few minutes.
Puppy: Scratch me!
Pi: What are you doing?
Me: Apparently, scratching the Puppy.
Puppy: It’s about time…

 

Me: Would you like breakfast?
Puppy: I’d like to play.
Me: You’d what?
Puppy: Play with me!
Me: You never pass up breakfast. You never pass up any kind of food.
Puppy: Time to mix things up a bit, don’t you think?
Me: I was thinking it’s time for breakfast.
Puppy: Throw the fuzzy pig and no one gets hurt!

I have a new pink pig and I LOVE him! DearKidLoveMom.com/PuppyConversations

Me: OK, OK, we’ll play for a few minutes before breakfast. Here, fetch the purple toy.
Puppy: I love the purple toy! I got it! I got it! Here you go! Throw something else.
Me: Fetch the squeaky donut.
Puppy: I love the squeaky donut! I got it! Throw something else.
Me: Now can we have breakfast?
Puppy: Throw. The. Toy!
Me: Fetch the grey rabbit.
Puppy: I love my rabbit! I love my rabbit! Got it!
Me: Well, bring it back, silly.
Puppy: Don’t be ridiculous. I have to chew it for a while.
Me: I’ll be in the kitchen if you decide to have breakfast.
Puppy: Breakfast? I love breakfast! Why have we been waiting so long?

Love, Mom

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