Dear Kid,

Puppy: What is THAT wonderful thing?
Me: The garbage?
Puppy: It smells fantastic!
Me: Sniffing is allow. Touching is not.
Puppy: My nose is sooo happy.
Me: I’m very glad your nose is happy.
Puppy: When do we eat the stuff in that wonderful thing?
Me: We don’t.
Puppy: What?
Me: It’s the garbage.
Puppy: You said that. Garbage smells delicious.
Me: Garbage is not for Puppies.
Puppy: Ridiculous.
Me: Do not touch.
Puppy: It’s very hard to behave with that wonderful thing right there.

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: I’m cooking.
Puppy: There are very good sniffs up there.
Me: I’m glad you approve.
Puppy: May I have a taste please?
Me: This is not for you.
Puppy: What?
Me: It’s for the family.
Puppy: But I’M family.
Me: Right. It’s for family members with only two legs.
Puppy: Not my fault you’re all limb-deficient.

Puppy: Mom!
Me: What?
Puppy: I have to eat some of those smells!
Me: No.
Puppy: What?
Me: No. Not for Puppies.
Puppy: We should talk about this.
Me: We can talk. Won’t change the answer.
Puppy: I don’t like this.
Me: I know, but we want to keep you healthy.
Puppy: I don’t think I like “healthy.”

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

Puppy: You’re cooking!
Me: Yes, I am.
Puppy: So that people can eat.
Me: Yep.
Puppy: I should probably taste things.
Me: Excuse me?
Puppy: To be sure things taste good. I’ll be your tester.
Me: I don’t need a taster.
Puppy: You taste.
Me: True.
Puppy: I should taste too.
Me: Not true.
Puppy: But it smells sooooo goooood.
Me: Thanksgiving food isn’t very good for Puppies.
Puppy: I think it will be very yummy.
Me: Perhaps. But your insides won’t be very happy.
Puppy: My tummy will be very happy.
Me: For a short time. But your liver and pancreas won’t be very happy.
Puppy: My which?
Me: I want to keep you healthy, so no tasting for you.
Puppy: None???
Me: Tell you what. How about a scoop of pumpkin?
Puppy: I LOVE pumpkin.
Me: Happy Thanksgiving, Puppy!

Not all people food is good for dogs. Cooked bones can splinter and cause serious problems. Raw turkey is not properly prepared for animals and may still have toxic pathogens. And fatty food can cause very serious issues. Stick with giving your pups lots of love. And maybe a tiny bit of cooked turkey (no skin) and a small scoop of plain pumpkin.

Love, Mom

Who do you know who would enjoy Puppy Conversations? Share the DearKidLoveMom.com love
See more puppy conversations

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• Spring Puppy Conversations
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Dear Kid,

Puppy: You’re weird.
Me: Um, thank you? Why do you say that?
Puppy: You always pee in the same place.
Me: The bathroom, yes.
Puppy: And you don’t sniff before you pee.
Me: True.
Puppy: I take my time.
Me: You do.
Puppy: I sniff around, I think about where to pee.
Me: You do.
Puppy: And I pee in different places.
Me: Yes, that’s true too.
Puppy: You’re weird.

Puppy: You picked up my poop.
Me: Yes.
Puppy: You always pick up my poop.
Me: Yes, of course.
Puppy: Because you love my poop.
Me: Well, I love you.
Puppy: And so we should–Hey! You have someone’s poop in that bag!
Me: I, um, yes.
Puppy: It smells very interesting.
Me: It’s your poop.
Puppy: Don’t be ridiculous.

Puppy: Yip!
Me: What’s the matter?
Puppy: I was attacked! Who attacked me?
Me: No one attacked you.
Puppy: Don’t be silly. I felt it.
Me: That was you, snookie.
Puppy: I attacked me? I wouldn’t attack me. I LIKE me.
Me: You farted.
Puppy: I would never.
Me: You did.
Puppy: I was attacked.

Love, Mom

Who do you know who would enjoy Puppy Conversations? Share the DearKidLoveMom.com love
See more puppy conversations

• Puppy Conversations and Food Observations
• Spring Puppy Conversations
• New Puppy Conversations
• Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside
• Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid
• Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer
• Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness
• Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning
• Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party
• Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of
• Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope
• National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say
• Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal
• The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House
• October is National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month |Puppy Has an Announcement
• Puppy Tries to Talk His Way Out of a Bath
• Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge (vegan) for Breakfast
• Puppy Conversations | Mom Has a Headache and Puppy Tries to Help
• Puppy Conversations | Discussing Halloween
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• You Won’t Believe How Puppy Reacts to Farts
• Puppy Writes Today’s Blog
• Love Your Pet Day | Puppy Conversations
• Walking the Dog Day & International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day | Puppy Conversations
• Puppy Conversations | Finding the Chipmunk. Or Moose.
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Needs a Pet
• Puppy Conversations | Spring Rain and a New Pig
• Puppy Conversations | Take a Break from Cleaning
• Puppy Conversations | Getting Cleaned Up
• It’s Here! Puppy Conversations Arrives
• Puppy Conversations | Shedding and Purple Fur
• Puppy Conversations | Naps and Walks
• Puppy Conversations | Baby Shower
• Puppy Conversations | Writing a Get-Well Card
• Puppy Conversations | The Toys Get Washed
• Puppy Conversations | The Rain in Spain (and Thunder)
• Puppy Conversations | Bath Versus Phone (Saved By the Bell)
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Visits Grandma and Grandpa

Dear Kid,

Mom went upstairs for a bit and I’ve taken over the computer.

We have A Problem and I think you need to get involved.

Are you paying attention? Because this is a Big Issue. I’ve tried my best to solve it, but I am only a puppy and I don’t seem to be able to convince her We Have Problems.

Earlier today, People walked by in the street. I barked and barked and all Mom said was, “Shhh.” She didn’t investigate, she didn’t call the police, she didn’t Do Anything.

Then there was a chipmunk in the garage. I sniffed and snorted and pointed and showed her exactly were the rodent hiding spaces are and do you know what she said? Do you know? She said (and I’m quoting her exactly here), “Into the house with you.” Into the house with me? Without addressing the interloper issues?

This is—in my expert opinion—irresponsible house ownership. Something must be done. The keys must be taken. The authorities must be alerted! We cannot have Strangers Walking By without sufficient alarm systems. We cannot have animals living here that don’t pay rent.

(Pi: You don’t pay rent.
(Puppy: I don’t?
(Pi: Nope.)

We cannot have animals living here that don’t have a collar and their own crate!

Please fix this Situation!

She’s your mother.

Love, Puppy

Puppy Writes Today’s Letter While Mom Sleeps

Puppy Writes Today’s Blog

Dear Kid,

Don’t read this letter to the Puppy!

At the Paws in the Park event this past weekend, there were—spoiler alert—a lot of dogs. There were dogs of pretty much every variety, every color (except purple), and many temperaments.

In terms of size, they ranged from “horse” to “does anyone have a magnifying glass?” There were two of the tiniest Chihuahuas I’ve ever seen, and they were spot-on adorable.

When I got home, I told Dad I thought I wanted to adopt a Chihuahua. Dad thought that was an excellent idea as long as I didn’t want to be married anymore.

So it looks like I’m not going get to a teacup-sized puppy.

But here are 5 Reasons to Love a Small Dog.

1. They eat less. The smaller the dog, the smaller the food bill. Economical!
2. They poop less. Less in, less out. We call this digestive mathematics.
3. They have no idea they’re small. Little dudes tend to have big-big-big personalities and little to no fear.
4. They can’t reach the counter. No need to worry about what’s sitting out on the kitchen island because teeny legs can’t get them up that high.
5. You can carry them around easily. No matter how strong you are, it’s not easy to carry a Newfoundland around all day.

So basically, little dogs are kind of like smaller than average people. Bright, entertaining, and in need of step stools.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Some things are easy to remember about October. The leaves start to turn; ghosts, goblins, and ridiculous amounts of chocolate show up at the end of the month; and it’s Adopt a Shelter Dog Month. You remember Adopt a Shelter Dog month, right?

But did you know that it’s also National Cookie Month?

It is.

       C is for Cookie!

I called Cookie Monster to get his perspective on National Cookie Month. Unfortunately, his fur was flat and he was feeling blue (see what I did there?) so he wouldn’t talk to me. I think it was because I hadn’t sent him cookies.

Poor Cookie.

There are lots and lots of different kinds of cookies. There are rolled cookies and bar cookies and baked cookies and fried cookies and pressed cookies and molded cookies and sandwich cookies and twice baked cookies and dog cookies (just wanted to see if you were still reading).

Puppy: Do NOT joke about dog cookies!

I tried to think about all the different ingredients that can go into cookies. Then I got a headache and decided to think about whether there were any ingredients that can’t go into cookies.

Well, duh.

Kale. Kale should never, ever, EVER be put into a cookie.

Bats. Bats do not go in cookies. Not even Halloween cookies.

So yes, there are ingredients that should never go into cookies.

But most ingredients can happily find their way into one form of cookie or another.

My favorite kind of cookie?

That’s easy.

The one that someone brings me so I don’t even have to get up. Preferably with a hot cup of coffee. Or tea. I’m flexible like that when cookies are involved.

Love, Mom