Dear Kid,
Puppy: Mom! Mom! We have a thief in the house! Alert the constabulary!
Me: What are you talking about?
Puppy: My toys have been stolen!
Me: Don’t be silly. I took them.
Puppy: My toy bin has been stolen!
Me: I took that too.
Puppy: You’re a thief?
Me: No, I took them to wash them.
Puppy: To what?
Me: They needed to be cleaned.
Puppy: It’s even worse than I thought….you washed them?
Me: Yep.
Puppy: Give them back!
Me: They aren’t dry yet.
Puppy: The world is ending.
Puppy: What. Is. This?
Me: It’s a new toy.
Puppy: I don’t want a new toy. I want my toys.
Me: Your toys are being washed. This is new.
Puppy: No.
Puppy: What is this supposed to be?
Me: It’s a toy.
Puppy: Of course it’s a toy. What kind of toy?
Me: It’s a purse.
Pi: Well, it’s more of a murse because he’s a boy.
Me: Would that make it a burse?
Puppy: I’m a puppy!
Pi: Purse it is.
Puppy: I’m not playing with it. You can’t kill a purse.
Me: Well, look at that, you’re playing with your new toy!
Puppy: I’ve decided to forgive you.
Me: That’s very gracious of you.
Pi: This wouldn’t have anything to do with finding a squeaker in there, would it?
Puppy: Of course not. Now leave me alone. I have to rip out the squeaker and kill it.
Love, Mom
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