Posts Tagged "weather"

Humidity and Molecular Gang Bangs

Dear Kid,

Oh, the weather outside is frightful. Dreadful. Completely horrific.

No, it’s not the middle of the winter. No, I haven’t been magically spirited off to the North Pole.

It’s August in Ohio. Which sounds like a song title from a third-rate musical.

It’s certainly third-rate weather.

Two more drops of water and we will need to paddle to get around. DearKidLoveMom.comBy which I mean I need to grow gills in order to breath. We’ve taken humidity to entirely new level. Two more drops of water and we will need to paddle to get around. It’s less humid in rain forests. It’s less soggy three miles below sea level—in the sea. I am in desperate search of an oxygen molecule not cozying up to two hydrogen molecules.

Should this surprise me? Of course not. Happens every year right about this time.

Does it surprise me? Of course it does. I expect lovely weather every day, especially weekends. I’m usually disappointed, but I keep hoping.

Fact: wearing a snorkel on highly humid days does not help.

Neither does hoping that the oxygen will give up the ménage et trois scenarios. When I want beach front property, we’ll move to the beach. Right now, I just want to breathe.

Happy weekend.

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | Spring Rains and a New Pig

Dear Kid,

Me: Coffee, I need coffee.
Puppy: Let’s go for a walk.
Me: It’s raining. You hate rain.
Puppy: Let’s go for a walk.
Me: I really, really need coffee.
Puppy: Let’s take the coffee for a walk.
Me: You hate the rain. Or did I say that already?
Puppy: I don’t hate the rain. I love the rain.
Me: Who are you and what have you done with the dog that lives here?
Puppy: Don’t you think it would be a great idea?
Me: Coffee working faster would be a great idea.
Puppy: Comeoncomeoncomeon.
Me: Fine. We’ll go for a walk. But you won’t be happy about it.
Puppy: What are you talking about? I love walks.
Me: Okey dokey kiddo. Let’s go.
Puppy: In that rain? Are you kidding?


I have a new pink pig and I LOVE him! Come on, you, it is time to go for a walk.
Puppy: I’ll melt!
Me: You will not melt. You will walk.
Puppy: But I can’t go.
Me: You can’t?
Puppy: No. I can’t. I have to stay here with my new pink Pig.
Me: Your pig will wait.
Puppy: You don’t know very much about pigs, do you?

Love, Mom

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Here’s What I Know About Spring

Dear Kid,

The crocuses are chirping Happy Spring! DearKidLoveMom.comSpring has arrived in Cincinnati. I know this because

  1. It’s warm enough outside to go for a walk without a jacket
  2. Stores are showing Spring clothes
  3. The crocuses are out!

I love crocuses. Partly because I really like those little guys, but mostly because they chirp “Spring is here!

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!”  ~Robin Williams

Can flowers chirp? I don’t know why not. Writers talking about flowers screaming in bright summer colors, or whispering their final secrets in the fall. I’m good with chirping crocuses.

Earth laughs in flowers. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pretty soon, not only will we have warm sun and happy crocuses, we’ll have buds on trees, and dinner on the porch, and our lawn will turn from the dead-brown of winter into something lush and green.

And by “something” I mean “weed-filled.”

I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers. ~Claude Monet

I know that spring also means allergies and rain and mud and eventually August heat, but right now it’s easy to forget about all that.

And to just smile back at the crocuses.

Love, Mom

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Winter is Here | White Stuff Causes Panic

Dear Kid,

Winter is Coming Here.

We didn't get much snow in Cincinnati this time, but other places did. To everyone who got more snow than we did, stay warm and stay safe. DearKidLoveMom.comThere was a lot of snowcraze in the forecast, and our office closed at 3pm yesterday so that people could get home before things got really bad.

That worked in that there was very little snow when we left. However, according to the traffic reports, people were driving like idiots trying to get away from the Snow That Wasn’t (or possibly the Snow That Was to Be) because there were accidents all over town.

According to the Dad Forecast, there wasn’t going to be enough snow to get concerned about so we let Pi sleep over at a friend’s house last night.

Which meant that I had to jump out of bed this morning and assess whether it would be safe for her to drive home. (It is.)

According to the Driveway Report (an index of how much snow is on our driveway and therefore might or might not get shoveled), there wasn’t really any snow. Danger of pulled muscles due to shoveling: zero.

According to the Puppy Report, it is dang cold and it would be much nicer if he could figure out how to go for a walk without actually having to touch the ground. But at least there isn’t any ice.

According to the News People, there might still be snow in the area (although it doesn’t sound like they really mean it).

I think what happened was that the Advance Scout Snowflakes landed here and reported that we were already freaking out about the storm and that the snow would have more fun going other places to wreak havoc.

Which it did, because according to Auntie M in Maryland, it is hard to open the door to let the puppy out. Fortunately, that puppy has much longer legs than our puppy and is unlikely to get lost in the snow.

Also, according to Auntie M, the best term going for this storm is SnOMG.

To everyone experiencing weather, stay warm and stay safe.

Love, Mom

Since everyone is stuck inside, remind them to read DearKidLoveMom. It’s very warming.

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It’s Gonna Snow! It’s Gonna Snow!!

Dear Kid,

They are predicting snow. People are rushing hither and thither laying in provisions for the impending storm. Milk? Check. Bread? Check. Toilet paper? Check. DearKidLoveMom.comThe weather forecasters are predicting snow.

A lot of snow. Many airlines canceled flights more than 24 hours in advance of possible white stuff. (Yes, ridiculous.)

People are rushing hither and thither laying in provisions for the impending storm. Milk? Check. Bread? Check. Toilet paper? Check.

My first question is: Didn’t you people think you’d need those things even if there wasn’t a snow storm? What is it about snow that causes you to drink more moo and carb out?

I turned to My Friend the Internet for help, and you’ll never believe what I learned.

It has snowed before.


It has even stormed before.

This is not a once in a lifetime event!

You’d never know that from the way people are behaving, but ‘tis true.

Way back in The Day (and by “The Day” I mean days the 1800s and before) people frequently died during snow storms. This may have been because people got caught in the storm, or because no one had invented handwarmers. But it’s probably because they didn’t have enough milk and bread.

In more recent years, deaths by snow storm have gone down considerably. This is partly because we’re better at forecasting (which mostly just shows how bad forecasting used to be) and because we have indoor heat. But mostly because we don’t have a toilet paper shortage.

So if the white death hits, stay warm, stay safe, wear your hat and mittens, and—most importantly—be sure you have enough milk and bread.

Love, Mom

Another good way to stay warm is to share


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