Dear Kid,

It’s April 30^th.

Which means it’s National Hairstyle Appreciation Day. And National Honesty Day. And rainy and humid.

Which means if we’re really going to “honor” today, we’d have to go around telling people how much we love their horrible hairdo.

Personally, I suggest skipping the talking and moving straight to the balloons and cookies.

There are balloons and cookies aren’t there?

If you’re feeling excessively festive, we can throw in a quick salute to National Karaoke Week and National Welder’s Month.

In other celebratory news, do you know what happens when you overfill the single-serve coffee maker? Yep. You have the wonderful opportunity of cleaning up the kitchen counter. In completely unrelated news, our kitchen counters are looking exceptionally clean at the moment.

Have a great day, kiddo. Try to stay dry in all the rain and drizzle and try not to give yourself unplanned reasons to clean.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Me: Coffee, I need coffee.
Puppy: Let’s go for a walk.
Me: It’s raining. You hate rain.
Puppy: Let’s go for a walk.
Me: I really, really need coffee.
Puppy: Let’s take the coffee for a walk.
Me: You hate the rain. Or did I say that already?
Puppy: I don’t hate the rain. I love the rain.
Me: Who are you and what have you done with the dog that lives here?
Puppy: Don’t you think it would be a great idea?
Me: Coffee working faster would be a great idea.
Puppy: Comeoncomeoncomeon.
Me: Fine. We’ll go for a walk. But you won’t be happy about it.
Puppy: What are you talking about? I love walks.
Me: Okey dokey kiddo. Let’s go.
Puppy: In that rain? Are you kidding?

Me: Come on, you, it is time to go for a walk.
Puppy: I’ll melt!
Me: You will not melt. You will walk.
Puppy: But I can’t go.
Me: You can’t?
Puppy: No. I can’t. I have to stay here with my new pink Pig.
Me: Your pig will wait.
Puppy: You don’t know very much about pigs, do you?

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

Yesterday, while taking the Puppy for his morning walk, I discovered that my right rainboot leaks.

Pinkie toe: Um, damp over here.
Me: Quiet. It’s too early for talking toes.
Pinkie toe: Taking on water over here.
The rest of my toes sniggered. No one is nice that early in the morning.
Puppy: I’m nice
Me: True
Middle toe: Ugh, it’s wet in here.
Pointer toe: Start bailing! Ship to shore: SOT!
Me: What?
Pointer toe: Save Our Toes!
Me: Oh, goodness.
Puppy: I have to sniff.
Pinkie toe: Puddle astern!!
Big toe: Man the lifeboats! Scuttle the sock drawer!
Pointer toe: Bail! Bail!
Me: I can’t believe this.
Puppy: I can’t believe you’re not sniffing.
Middle toe: Is it bath time?
Pointer toe: Every toe to their stations!
Fourth toe: Haven’t you noticed that we’re connected?
Pointer toe: Don your SCUBA gear!
Big toe: Did someone actually plan for me to get wet?
Pinkie toe: I thought the point of boots was for us to stay dry?
Fourth toe: You can’t believe every pair of shoes you talk to.
Pointer toe: Heave to! Lower the aft sails! Look lively!
Big toe: There ought to be some sort of celebration before we drown.
Me: There will not be any drowning today.
Middle toe: We could sing.
Me: There will not be any singing before I’ve had coffee.
Fourth toe: I hope there are dry towels at home.
Pointer toe: Raise the jib! Land ho! Keep bailing!
Me: I liked it better when you guys were dry and quiet.
Toes (in unison): So did we!
Puppy: Hey, it’s raining! I’m wet!
Pinkie toe: No one ever listens until it’s too late.
Puppy: Heading for home and dryness!
Toes: Glub. Glub.
Me: The day can only get better, right?

Love, Mom

P.S. Thanks for the title Pi!

Dear Kid,

Have you ever looked at something fairly ordinary and thought, “That is the best thing EVER! That is the type of thing that could make an entire alien race notice us!”?

I feel that way about really good brownies (the fudgy kind, not the cakey kind) and my rain boots.

I love my rain boots. Not because they fall into the “gorgeous shoes” category (they are NOT gorgeous shoes), but because they keep my toes dry.

There is something entirely luxurious about walking wading through puddles and having dry feet when you get wherever it is you’re going.

In southwest Ohio, it doesn’t rain men, it doesn’t rain candy (does it disappoint you to learn that song lyrics are not always factual?), it rains water. And sometimes hail. But mostly water.

This summer it’s raining a lot of water.

I’d like it to rain less (sunshine, where ARE you??) but as long as it’s raining, I’ve got my rain boots.

Stay dry sweetie.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

The thing about wishing for something is you sometimes get what you wish for.

Mere minutes ago, we were whining about being in the middle of monsoon season. “What happened to summer?” we wailed. “Why is there all this rain and no sun?”

Even Farmer Brown wasn’t happy. There was too much rain and his crops (like most of us) don’t like soggy toes.

We all sat around wishing for a beautiful day so we could take a walk at lunchtime without wearing hip waders and foul weather gear.

Then, poof! Mother Nature had had enough of the whining. You want sun? I’ll give you SUN, and splat, it was summer. 98 degree summer. High humidity of south Ohio summer. Sun beating down with nary a cloud in sight summer.

Just in time for the summer soccer games.

The good news is the players aren’t slipping in mud puddles.

The bad news is the players are slipping in sweat puddles. (Just as attractive.)

The worse news is that the viewers are sitting in sweat puddles too.

Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

Love, Mom