Mom is cooking. And she’s not sharing.
Even though I’ve asked very nicely.
I think her exact words were, “Puppy, go write to the Kid about it because you are not getting any of this chicken.”
Or something like that.
So just to show that I’m a good boy, I decided to write to you.
Today was a very exciting day. It started when Mom woke me up (she wasn’t cooking then) and we snuggled before I took her for a morning walk. She likes to think she wakes me up, but really I’m wide awake the minute she gets out of bed. I just like to lie quietly in my blankets and let her think she’s waking me up because she needs jobs like that.
After our walk, I had breakfast. Do you know what breakfast is? It’s FOOD! Which is de-li-shus.
Then I chewed on my chipmunk toy while mom went upstairs. It was Very Important Chewing, but I kept an ear open in case there were Intruders. Or someone dropping food. (There weren’t any Intruders today, but don’t worry—I’m guarding the house.)
Then I took a nap, because breakfast and chewing are very tiring.
When I finished that nap, I turned around and took another one. Naps are something I practice every day, and I am very good at them. I would be happy to teach you how to nap if you’d like. You let all of you go to sleep EXCEPT for one ear, because you never know what might happen. Be sure to turn around every now and then so your other ear can listen and your first ear can sleep.
After my naps, I did a bit of this and a bit of that (although not really very much of that), and then everyone came home and now there is COOKING and My Nose Is Going to Explode and No One Cares!!!
I think you should come home from college and feed me.
Love, Puppy
And that’s exactly what I found on my computer.
Who do you know who might enjoy DearKidLoveMom and Puppy Conversations? Share the love!
We seem to be having a small problem.
Someone (or something) seems to be causing a disturbance in the Force. Maybe a better way to say it is that a force is causing a disturbance.
The Puppy has been farting a little.
And since it is a very long way from his teeny, tiny brain (which is generally asleep) to his posterior (which is generally only pretending to sleep), he is quite affronted, startled, and offended every time his hindquarters sneak up and wake him.
To add insult to injury, once he jerks awake, he can never seem to find the culprit. The source of the noise vanishes quite as quickly as it, um, appeared.
A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot;
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?”
Let me paint the picture. There he is, curled up asleep on his pillow. Sometimes even snoring gently. The whole world is calm and peaceful. Then
<toot>
Instantly awake, The Puppy leaps about 7 feet into the air, whirling around to see who snuck up behind him. Unable to identify the perpetrator, he trots over to where I’m sitting on the couch pretending that he’s been far away from his pillow the entire night.
Meanwhile, Pi is laughing so hard she can’t breathe which offends The Puppy even further so he decides to go sleep in the dining room where there might not be any felonious activity.
I’ve tried to explain normal bodily functions to him, but he doesn’t believe me.
Me: Do you have any homework?
Pi: Mom, I’m a second semester senior.
Me: Don’t say that!
Pi: What? That I’m a second semester senior?
Me: Exactly. Don’t say that.
Pi: Why?
Me: Because it upsets me.
Pi: But it’s true.
Me: Yes, but nowhere is it written that I have to face reality.
Puppy: What’s a second semester senior?
Pi: It means I’m going to graduate soon.
Me: Stop saying that.
Puppy: I graduated.
Pi: You went to exactly 6 classes.
Puppy: And I graduated.
Me: That was a long time ago. Do you really remember that?
Puppy: Of course not.
Me: So do you have any homework?
Pi: Mom, I’m a second semester senior!
Me: I don’t really see how that has anything to do with homework.
Pi: It doesn’t, but it’s really fun to see you freak out.
Me: Do you have any homework this weekend?
Pi: Mom, I’m a second semester senior!
Me: Child!
Pi: Yes, a little.
Puppy: I want a little homework, too.
Me: You do?
Pi: You do?
Puppy: If she gets homework, I want homework.
Me: I think that’s a great idea.
Pi: You do?
Puppy: You do?
Me: Yep. Your homework will be getting your nails cut.
Puppy: That doesn’t sound like a very good idea.
Me: It sounds like an excellent idea.
Puppy: Will you get out the Really Good Treats?
Me: Yes, baby. I will.
Pi: What about treats for me?
Me: You’re a second semester senior. Make your own treats.
Who do you know who would enjoy Puppy Conversations? Share the DearKidLoveMom.com love
See more puppy conversations
Puppy: You’re taking a long time.
Me: I know. You just have to wait.
Puppy: You said we were going for a walk!
Me: And we are.
Puppy: When??!!!
Me: It’s cold out. I just have to get ready.
Puppy: But this is taking a LONG time.
Me: I have to put on boots, my coat, a scarf, gloves, and a hat.
Puppy: I don’t have to wear any of those things.
Me: No you don’t.
Puppy: Are you ready yet?
Puppy: You’re taking a long time again.
Me: You do realize I have to get my coat and mittens on each time we go out.
Puppy: Not only are you slow, you’re not very efficient.
Me: Why? What would you suggest?
Puppy: You should be like me, and wear your fur all the time.
Me: Not quite sure how that would work for people…
Puppy: I’m a People.
Puppy: Mo-o-om! What are you do-ing?
Me: I’m getting ready to take you for a walk.
Puppy: I’ve been waiting for-ever!
Me: You’ve been waiting for 20 seconds.
Puppy: But I’m ready!
Me: And you will keep waiting until I’m ready.
Puppy: You already have clothes on!
Me: These clothes are for being inside. I need to put on my coat for going outside.
Puppy: Where’s my coat for going outside?
Me: You don’t like wearing a coat.
Puppy: Right! So you shouldn’t either.
Me: What? That makes no sense.
Puppy: It doesn’t?
Me: Let’s go for a walk.
Puppy: What a great idea!
Who do you know who would enjoy Puppy Conversations? Share the DearKidLoveMom.com love
See more puppy conversations
There is a sleeping puppy on my lap, and I am typing this one-handed. It’s been a long time since the baby climbed up, turned around, and settled in for a long winter’s nap. Recently he’s preferred his big pillow, but since it (the pillow) is unavailable (due to its cover being in the washing machine) my lap appears to be a suitable substitute.
Snuggling a sleeping dog is a lovely way to start the year, even though he’s trapped my left arm and is cutting off all circulation in my right foot. Who needs blood flow or efficient typing when you’ve got a little body snoring happily?
Recently I was involved in quite a conversation about pet psychics (and by “involved” I mean listened intently). While I don’t always know what His Furriness is thinking or feeling, right now it’s crystal clear: Mom is a good pillow.
I have never met a pet psychic. I think I’d like to meet one. I generally know what the Puppy is communicating, but it would be interesting to hear someone else’s perspective interpretation translation.
In the pet psychic conversation, I heard some stories that were truly amazing about what the psychics were able to learn from the animals they were interacting with.
It must be really interesting to be a pet psychic. I really like the idea of being a Dr. Doolittle type and really, really know what animals are saying.
I wonder if there are teenager psychics. It would be really interesting to know what my kids are trying to communicate too…
Recent Comments