Puppy

March 17, 2016

Puppy Conversations | Puppy Needs a Pet

Dear Kid,

Are you the pet or am I the pet? DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: Mom. We need to talk.
Me: Please. Go right ahead.
Puppy: I need a pet.
Me: You what?
Puppy: I need a pet.
Me: You are a pet.
Puppy: Don’t be silly. I are a people.
Me: So explain this pet thing to me.
Puppy: Did you see the video of all the animals snuggling?
Me: Yes.
Puppy: I think we should get some.
Me: Some?!
Puppy: Well, you have to have two to snuggle. You and me. They and them.
Me: What kind of pet were you thinking about?
Puppy: There are different kinds?
Me: Lots of different kinds.
Puppy: We should get a good kind.
Me: You know pets are a lot of work, don’t you?
Puppy: What do you mean “work”?
Me: You have to take care of a pet. You have to walk them and feed them and brush them and all sorts of things.
Puppy: No problem. You’re very good at those things.
Me: Thank you, but you may have missed the point.
Puppy: So when are we getting me a pet?

Love, Mom

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March 3, 2016

You Won’t Believe What Today Is

Dear Kid,

You are not going to believe what today is.

I don't need thumbs to tell you I love you. Happy If Your Pet Had Thumbs Day. DearKidLoveMom.comHappy If Your Pet Had Thumbs Day! (Seriously.)

I took a highly scientific poll to find out what people thought their pets would do if they had thumbs.

The top responses I made up were

  • Huh?
  • I don’t know, maybe suck his thumb?
  • Where would a snake put a thumb?
  • Text, no question.
  • Serve herself more food. All day long.
  • Where do you come up with these things?

I asked the Puppy what he would do if he had thumbs. He stared at me for a minute, wagged his happy tail, and licked my feet. I thought he showed great restraint in not answering the question.

Happy If Your Pet Had Thumbs Day. (Feel free to enjoy your own thumbs today too.)

Love, Mom

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March 2, 2016

Puppy Conversations | Finding the Chipmunk. Or Moose.

Dear Kid,

Bob the Chipmunk (I named him) has been hibernating in our garage. Turns out our garage is an excellent place for hibernating (warm-ish, dry-ish, mostly predator-free, and you don’t have to build it yourself) until the Puppy gets a snout-full of your scent.

Bob is a dumb name for a moose. DearKidLoveMom.com/PuppyConversationsWhich happened this morning.

Me: Are you ready to go for a walk?
Puppy: Of course! I love walks!
Me: Okey dokey.
Puppy: Here we—wait! I smell a moose!
Bob the Chipmunk: Wheek! (I don’t speak chipmunk very well.)
Me: We don’t have any moose here.
Puppy: I want to be friends with the moose!
Me: I’m sure all the moose in our garage want to be friends with you too. The chipmunk, not so much.
Bob: Wheek!
Me: Where are you going?
Puppy: Got to find the moose!
Me: I’m pretty sure there are no moose under the car.
Puppy: There might be! If I sniff hard enough.
Me: I don’t think you know what a moose smells like.
Puppy: My nose knows. Don’t argue with the nose.
Bob: Wheek! (Bob is apparently not much of a conversationalist.)
Puppy: Checking under the other car!
Me: Let me guess, still no Bob?
Puppy: Bob? You named him Bob?
Me: Move it, Furry One.
Puppy: Hunting! Very. Important. Hunting.
Me: Puppy! Time to go for a walk!
Puppy: Huh?
Me: Now.
Puppy: Oh. OK! I love walks.
Bob: Wheek!

Love, Mom

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February 28, 2016

27 Reasons There Isn’t A Post Today

Dear Kid,

Here are the 27 reasons there wasn’t a post on DearKidLoveMom.com today.

1. I didn’t wake up in time.
2. I’m still asleep.
3. There wasn’t enough coffee in the house.
4. There wasn’t enough coffee in the world.
5. Dad wanted to go for a hike.
6. Dad wanted to go for a hike at the Cincinnati Nature Center which is about half an hour from our house.
7. Going for a hike with Dad took all of my ability to focus.
8. Going for a hike with Dad took all of my ability to focus which meant I didn’t have a lot left to avoid stepping in the mud.
9. There was a lot of mud.
10. Having the ability to focus on avoiding the mud wouldn’t have helped because there was too much be able to avoid it all.
11. I gave the Puppy a bath yesterday.
12. He went on the hike with us.
13. Did I mention the mud?
14. Cleaning the mud off the Puppy took the teeny tiny bit of concentration I had left.
15. Except we still had to get from the cleaning-off-the-Puppy area to the car.
16. Which required cleaning him up again.
17. And he still doesn’t smell clean.
18. But we had a nice hike.
19. Even though I only burned 16.5 calories the entire time.
20. Then I had to spend a ton of time contemplating the reasons that Moms burn 8 calories an hour while you burn 4 billion calories an hour.
21. Sitting still.
22. Which left me devoid of words. Correction: Devoid of printable words.
23. And then I had to cook.
24. But first I had to go grocery shopping because (as Pi has been saying) there is no food in the house.
25. Unless you’re a puppy.
26. Which I am not.
27. And neither are you.

Which explains why there was no post today. Except now there is.

Love, Mom

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February 22, 2016

Walking the Dog Day & International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day | Puppy Conversations

Dear Kid,

It's Walking the Dog Day and tomorrow is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day! Can life GET any better? DearKidLoveMom.com/PuppyConversationsPuppy: Mom!
Me: Yes, baby?
Puppy: I don’t think you’re paying attention.
Me: Just so I’m clear, paying attention to who?
Puppy: Not a who, a what.
Me: And what is it I’m not paying attention to?
Puppy: The calendar.
Me: Why does the calendar need paying attention to? It’s usually you who needs attention.
Puppy: I’m a who, not a what.
Me: Absolutely. But let’s go back. What about the calendar?
Puppy: Don’t you know what today is?
Me: Monday?
Puppy: Pay. Attention!
Me: I thought I was. What are you talking about?
Puppy: It is Walking the Dog Day!
Me: You get walked every day.
Puppy: Yes, but there is a Day for it!
Me: Uh-huh.
Puppy: But that’s not all.
Me: It’s not? Silly me. What else?
Puppy: Tomorrow.
Me: Tuesday.
Puppy: Pay attention! Tomorrow is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day!
Me: You appreciate all food all the time.
Puppy: Yes, but there’s a Day for it.
Me: So you said.
Puppy: So….
Me: So?
Puppy: So we should practice.
Me: You lost me there. Practice what?
Puppy: Walking and eating treats!
Me: Ah.
Puppy: Do I have to explain everything?
Me: Apparently. Would you like to go for a walk?
Puppy: I thought you’d never ask. Will there be a treat at the end?
Me: Don’t push your luck, kiddo.
Puppy: I’m so excited!

Love, Mom

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February 20, 2016

Love Your Pet Day | Puppy Conversations

Dear Kid,

Puppy Conversations #PuppyConversations DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: Mom.
Me: Mmm?
Puppy: Mom!
Me: What honey?
Puppy: That’s a commercial on TV, right?
Me: Yes.
Puppy: And commercials are to sell things, right?
Pi: I sense a trap.
Me: Generally, yes.
Puppy: There are sad dogs in that commercial. Why are they selling sad dogs?
Pi: Can’t wait to hear how you answer this one.
Me: Well, they aren’t exactly selling sad dogs.
Puppy: Good. Because dogs are supposed to be happy.
Me: True. But not all dogs are happy.
Puppy: What? Don’t their families make them happy?
Me: Not all dogs have families.
Puppy: WHAT?? How could they not have families? Ridiculous.
Me: Some dogs don’t have families. Or the people they live with don’t treat them well. So they are in shelters. That can make dogs sad.
Puppy: Why are you just sitting there? We have to go!
Me: Go where?
Puppy: To get the dogs! We can’t let them be sad!
Me: Where do you think we will put all those dogs?
Puppy: They can both stay here until their families get them.
Pi: Harder conversation than you thought, huh Mom?
Me: Oh, baby. There are more than two dogs that need to be rescued.
Puppy: This is terrible! We have to do something!
Me: Well, we rescued you.
Puppy: What. Did. You. Say?
Me: We’ve talked about this. Don’t you remember?
Puppy: No, I don’t remember. I have a very small remember-er.
Me: We adopted you from a rescue shelter.
Puppy: Nonsense. I’m part of this family.
Me: Well of course you are. Now. But before you were part of our family, you were at a shelter.
Puppy: I was not.
Me: Really and truly you were.
Puppy: I was a Sad Dog? Like on the commercial?
Me: Honey, the good news is you were never a sad dog like the commercial. But you were in a shelter.
Puppy: And you rescued me?
Me: We adopted you.
Puppy: I have to go lie down.
Me: Would you like me to scratch your tummy?
Puppy: Yes! Yes! Yes! I love having my tummy scratched!
Pi: You really do protect him, don’t you?
Me: Of course. He’s family.

Today is Love Your Pet Day. If you’re thinking about getting a new pet, please consider adopting a shelter animal. In the US there are almost 3 million healthy cats and dogs waiting to be adopted. Even if you can’t adopt or foster a pet, please think about supporting the wonderful shelters that care for these animals. And if you know of (or even suspect) animal cruelty, be sure to contact authorities immediately.

Love, Mom

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