Dear Kid,

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: Weeding
Puppy: It looks like you’re making piles
Me: I’m making piles of weeds
Puppy: What do you do with piles of weeds?
Me: Daddy will pick them up
Puppy: Daddy likes piles of weeds?
Me: No, but he’s very nice about cleaning up the piles I make
Puppy: What is that?
Me: It’s called vinca
Puppy: Why are you pulling it out?
Me: It’s a weed
Puppy: But you didn’t pull it out over there
Me: Right
Puppy: But it’s a weed
Me: Over here it’s a weed
Puppy: It’s not a weed over there?
Me: Right
Puppy: This is confusing
Puppy: You’ve been weeding for a long time
Me: You think?
Puppy: Usually you hate weeding
Me: Well, I don’t know about hate
Puppy: Usually you have the attention span of a drunk fruit fly when it comes to weeding
Me: When have you ever seen a drunk fruit fly?
Puppy: Fruit can fly?

Puppy: What was that noise?
Me: That was me
Puppy: I’ve never heard that noise before! I’m coming to check!
Me: I’m fine
Puppy: But you made a NOISE!
Me: Well, yes, I was surprised
Puppy: What surprised you?
Me: A spider. A BIG spider. A really BIG spider. That was moving.
Puppy: So you were saying hello to the spider?
Me: Not exactly
Puppy: Are you supposed to make that noise when there’s a spider?
Me: I don’t know about “supposed to”
Puppy: Do you like spiders?
Me: Not especially
Puppy: Then I probably shouldn’t tell you there’s one on your leg
Me: (Yelp!)
Puppy: There’s that noise again

 

Puppy: You missed one
Me: Missed what?
Puppy: A weed
Me: Yeah, I can’t get that one out
Puppy: So you’re just going to leave it?
Me: Daddy will get it later
Puppy: When he picks up the piles?
Me: Maybe. Or another time
Puppy: How will he know it’s a weed?
Me: He’s pretty smart about that sort of thing

Love, Mom

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