Dear Kid,

We (Pi, the Puppy, and moi) had a lovely 2 mile walk in Sharon Woods Park yesterday. Parts of our time there were less walk-like than others.

Me: Keep moving, Puppy
Pi: He found something very interesting to sniff
Puppy: Busy
Me: Walking
Pi: Mom, it’s a very interesting blade of grass
Puppy: Busy
Me: This is supposed to be a walk, not a sniff
Puppy: Still busy

Pi: Let’s take him into the field and play
Me: Sure
Puppy: We’re leaving the path, this is exciting!
Pi: Look Puppy, I have a ball
Puppy: Hey, there’s an interesting blade of grass here!
Pi: Fetch (throws the ball)
Puppy: Look, there are people over there (runs toward the people)
Pi: No, you nut case, fetch the ball!
Puppy: Why?
Pi: I have treats
Puppy: I love treats! Coming!!
Pi: Bring the ball, you silly thing
Puppy: Want treats!!
Pi: The ball, go fetch
Me: (walking over to the ball) Look Puppy, here’s the ball!
Puppy: Huh? Just want treats!!
Me: Come here
Puppy: Do you have treats?
Pi: Bring me the ball
Puppy: This is a stupid way to get treats

Me: Come here, baby. Good boy, pick up the ball
Puppy: Really?
Me: Pick up the ball
Puppy: This is totally ridiculous
Me: Take
Puppy: Want a treat!
Pi: I don’t really think he wants to play
Me: You think?
Puppy: Treat!
Pi: Here you go
Puppy: Love treats!!! More!!
Pi: Ok, here’s another one
Puppy: Yummy!
Pi: I don’t think he’s very smart
Me: I think he taught you to give him treats for no reason. Seems pretty smart to me

Puppy: I love walks
Me: I’m really glad
Puppy: Gotta poop
Me: This is the third time you’ve pooped just on this walk
Puppy: It’s important

Puppy: Gotta pee
Me: You have nothing left inside your body to come out. There is nothing in there. You’ve pooped three times and peed fifty times
Lady Walking By: He’s not really here if he doesn’t leave a reminder (She is laughing her head off while she says this)
Me: Walk!
Pi: It’s hard to squeeze nothing out
Me: Walk!
Puppy: Busy
Pi: Oh look, there are ducks! Look Puppy, ducks!
Puppy: So?
Pi: Play with the ducks
Me: Keep him away from the geese
Geese: Hissssssssss
Pi: I don’t think geese like dogs
Me: What on earth made you think that?
Pi: I want him to play with the ducks
Me: You can want that all you like, but neither the Puppy nor the ducks seem interested
Puppy: Look how nicely I’m walking
Me: Now you walk nicely
Puppy: Yes, very nicely. Would you like to give me a treat?
Me: No, but thank you for offering
Pi: Look Puppy, ducks
Puppy: Yep, those are ducks. Not really interested
Pi: How can you not be interested? They are ducks!
Me: Look at the baby ducks! They are so cute
Puppy: I’m cute!
Me: The baby ducks are soooo cute
Puppy: You should probably give me a treat

Wish you’d been here to enjoy the walk with us.

Love, Mom

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