Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mom?
Me: Mmmm?
Puppy: MOM?
Me: Mmmm?
Puppy: What’s wrong?
Me: Mmmm
Puppy: I think you’re in a Mood. Only I don’t recognize this Mood. What’s wrong?
Me: Oh, sweetie, nothing is wrong exactly
Puppy: What is wrong inexactly?
Me: Mmmm
Puppy: Did you make a mess in the kitchen? I can help clean up.
Me: No, baby, for the moment there is no mess
Puppy: Are you sick? Do you need a treat? I would like a treat. Maybe you should give me a treat so you feel better.
Me: No treats
Puppy: What is this Mood?
Me: The Kid moved into his new apartment
Puppy: And that makes you sad?
Me: A little sad, a little happy, a little proud, a little regretful
Puppy: That’s confusing. No wonder I didn’t recognize your Mood. Will it help if I lick your face?
Me: It might
Puppy: What is a new apartment?
Me: It’s his home for a while
Puppy: This is his home
Me: Yes, but it’s his home while he’s at school
Puppy: Didn’t he have a home last year?
Me: Well, yes, but then it was dorm
Puppy: And a dorm is a different home than a new apartment?
Me: Yes
Puppy: Does it still have roommates?
Me: Yes
Puppy: Does it still have a bed?
Me: Yes
Puppy: Does he still do homework there?
Me: Yes
Puppy: Does he still come here for vacation?
Me: Yes
Puppy: Are you still paying for it?
Me: Yes
Puppy: Sounds the same to me
Me: I think that’s part of what makes it complicated. It’s different, but it’s not different
Puppy: Do you still love him?
Me: Of course
Puppy: Does he still love us?
Me: Of course he does
Puppy: Not different
Me: Except that it is
Puppy: Rub my tummy

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

Have you heard about the new show Galavant? You should be watching it.

Well, no. You should be studying voraciously. But everyone else should be watching it because it is fabulous.

It is the best of The Princess Bride meets Gilbert & Sullivan and then had an affair with Men in Tights and whose favorite cousin is The Producers or possibly When Things Were Rotten. In other words, possibly the most perfect show ever.

Lots of silliness, lots of singing, Medieval countryside, pirates (always good), Knights in Shining Armor, Kings, a Bar Mitzvah sign, a jester, did I mention the silliness?

Who can resist songs like “Maybe You’re Not the Worst Thing Ever” or “Jackass in a Can”? (“Jackass in a Can” included here for your viewing pleasure.)

I once wrote the lyrics to a country song called “You Can’t Have My Heart, Will My Appendix Do?” That has nothing whatsoever to do with Galavant, but I thought I’d mention it.

Is Galavant campy? It is so campy it should be open for 8 weeks in the summer.

Love, Love, Love.

Not only do I love it for itself (and I do), Galavant has wonderful timing. It’s on at exactly the same time as The Librarians which should frustrate me because The Librarians started off so well. But now TL has gotten spooky and scary and the only time I venture into Spooky and Scary Land is when I’m working on our taxes.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It is the perfect fall day.

The only things falling are leaves (no precipitation), the Bengals will be playing this afternoon, soup is happily bubbling on the stove, and all is (more or less) right with the world. At least our corner of the world.

I have Big Plans for the day (in addition to the soup). It’s time for Halloween decorations to get put away (assume someone helps me reach down the stuff that’s hanging up high), it’s time to go through the Pile on the Counter (scary—should have done that on Halloween), and it’s time to create a menu for the week. The probabilities for getting any of that done are crazy low because I’m going to the fab Girlfriendology’s house to watch the Bengals.

Some of Pi’s friends took Tal trick-or-treating to a few houses on Friday night. Her reaction? “I don’t understand why people just give out candy when you ask for it.” Isn’t culture interesting?

Did you see the recent political cartoon of two people, one dressed in a hazmat suit? The non-hazmat suit person said “Avoiding Ebola?” Hazmat Suit Man said, “No, political ads.” That’s about how I feel. I am ready for this election to be done, done, done. I have had it with the negative campaigns, I have had it with the constant bombardment of vote-for-me-not-them ads, and I have MORE than had it with people machines calling at all hours to tell me who to believe. (And by “all hours” I mean during dinner, while I’m typing this blog, and probably while I’m watching the Bengals.)

Hope all your interruptions are good ones.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

On March 13, 1942, the Quartermaster Corps (QMC) of the United States Army began training dogs for the newly established War Dog Program, the “K-9 Corps.”

This is their story. (You have to read that in a deep voice.)

Once upon a time, there were dogs in the military. This has been true since the first military (wherever that was) because dogs are loyal, trainable, and darn cute–except when they are threatening to rip someone’s throat out.

The military of the US of A was no different. In the beginning, military dogs were mascots and companions. Eventually, they became tired of being showgirls and unionized, saying they could do real work. In World War I, the army listened and dogs began carrying messages along the trenches.

The most famous dog to emerge from the war was Rin Tin Tin, an abandoned puppy of German war dogs found in France in 1918 and taken to the United States, where he became a movie star. Rin Tin Tin did nothing to help the Beauty Queen image of dogs and the military went back to he-man work and guns.

Fast forward to WWII. The American Kennel Association and Dogs for Defense convinced dog owners to donate Rover to the military for things like sentry duty along the coast of the US. A Bright Young Lieutenant in the Quartermaster Corp suggested using the dogs for sentry duty at supply depot. Since this was a good idea, it was almost rejected. But training for the K-9 Corp began and a few months later the QMC was given responsibility for training pups for all the branches of the military. (These days the Military Police Corps trains military dogs.)

When the program started, the K-9 program accepted 32 breeds of dogs (Booker doggies were not included). It didn’t take long to figure out that some breeds of pooch were more suited to this type of work than others and the list of acceptable breeds was cut to German Shepherds, Belgian sheep dogs, Doberman Pinschers, collies, Siberian Huskies, Malamutes, and Eskimo dogs. (Dogs with high V02 capacities and a serious work ethic.) The military also discovered they needed to train the handlers as much as the dogs (Note: It’s almost always the dog when good things happen. It’s almost always the human when not-so-good things happen. From the Belief of Mom.)

The dogs were trained to work as sentry dogs, scout dogs, messenger dogs, or mine-detection dogs. The Japanese never ambushed or made a surprise attack on a patrol led by one of the war dogs. In war, it’s good to hang with someone who’s hearing, sight, and sense of smell is about a zillion times better than yours.

The top canine hero of World War II was Chips, a German Shepherd who served with the Army’s 3rd Infantry Division. Trained as a sentry dog, Chips broke away from his handlers and attacked an enemy machine gun nest in Italy, forcing the entire crew to surrender. The wounded Chips was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross, Silver Star and the Purple Heart–all of which were later revoked due to an Army policy preventing official commendation of animals. Which was a stupid policy, imho.

At the height of canine usage, there were over 18,000 dogs working in the military. Today there are less than 600 dog teams.

There is an effort underway to make March 13th K9 Veterans’ Day nationwide.

Woof.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

The thing is, it’s all about expectations.

When the professor says the midterm will cover chapters 4-12 and the midterm actually covers chapters 8-20, people (and by people I mean students) tend to get upset. It doesn’t feel fair. You feel misled, maybe even lied to.

When the professor says the midterm will cover chapters 4-12 and the midterm actually covers chapters 4-8, people (and by people I mean students) tend to get upset. It doesn’t feel fair. You wonder why you spent all that time on chapters 9-20 when you could have been going over 4-8 or playing Game of Thrones.

When the professor says the midterm will cover chapters 4-12 and the midterm actually covers chapters 4-12, people (and by people I mean students) have to find something else to gripe about.

It’s all about expectations.

“When you bite into a chocolate truffle, you don’t want to find oat bran.”
― Laura Kalpakian, Educating Waverley

When the weather forecaster says it’s going to snow three inches and there isn’t a cloud in the sky…wait, bad example. No one really believes weather forecasters all that much.

Hoping today meets all your expectations.

Love, Mom