Puppy

Puppy Views on Fuzzy Duck

Dear Kid,

Not too long ago, we gave the puppy a new toy. It was a fuzzy duck. Which is fun to say. And apparently fun to carry around because the puppy spent a lot of time trotting around with the fuzzy duck.

See my new fuzzy duck? DearKidLoveMom.com

The duck had a quacker in it. Which made a very funny quwonck sound every now and then. The puppy carried the duck everywhere for a few days.

But a day or so ago, the puppy decided it was time to surgically remove the duck’s quacker. Much chewing and de-stuffing ensued. The noisemaking part was gently removed (and by “gently removed” I mean ripped out) and teeny pieces of plastic were methodically chewed off and spit out.

I watched carefully to be sure all the little parts were spit out. After a while I traded the plastic for an edible bone so I didn’t have to watch any more.

Yesterday, the baby decided to remove all the rest of the stuffing. He is (of course) very proud of himself.

See my new fuzzy duck? I am such a good boy. DearKidLoveMom.com

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | April 15 and Puppy Takes Over the Blog

Dear Kid,

As we have previously established (April 15: The Good, The Truth, And How to Survive It), April 15th is not a notoriously fabulous day.

It should be a fantabulous day, and in some respects it is, but overall, April 15 has a bad rap.

Puppy: Move over
Me: Excuse me?
Puppy: It’s called A Present. I am Present to write today’s blog.
Me: Do you know how to type?
Puppy: Good point. I’ll tell you and you type.
Me: We can try
Puppy: Dear Kid (that’s how you start, right?)
Me: Works for me
Puppy: April 15th is a great day. I pooped.
Me: Seriously? You want me to write that?
Puppy: TYPE!
Me: Typing
Puppy: I have a busy day planned. It is called Breakfast, Dinner, and Napping.
Me: You live one crazy life, buddy
Puppy: Maybe today Mom will give me the new present she bought for me
Me: Stop looking at me like that. And today is not the day
Puppy: It’s not doing anyone any good sitting on the counter
Me: Besides, how did you know about it?
Puppy: I am The Puppy. I know everything
Me: Uh-huh
Puppy: Napping is very important. There are many different kinds of napping. There is curled-up napping, napping with your nose under a blanket, napping with your legs straight out. Some dogs even like napping on their backs, but that seems ridiculous to me.
Me: Good thing you’re not judgmental
Puppy: I’m a dog. I love everyone. There is napping on my pillow, napping on the porch, napping on my blanket, and napping wherever the pack is.
Me: Very busy.
Puppy: Very. And I have new food. Dad thinks I didn’t notice, but of course I noticed. But it’s food, so I don’t complain.
Me: Generous of you
Puppy: Mom says it’s called “senior food” which means I can go to college when I finish it
Me: Not sure you got that interpretation quite right
Puppy: Happy April 15th. Love, Booker
Me: Got it
Puppy: You typed that very well. I have to go nap now.

Happy April 15th.

Love, Mom

See more puppy conversations

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Blackout and the Science of Darkness

Dear Kid,

As I may have mention once or twice or twelve thousand times, electricity is a wonderful thing.

Do you know what happens in a really, really bad storm? A storm so bad that the Puppy (who usually ignores weather unless it is directly getting him wet) starts shivering and hyperventilating? A storm so bad that it throws rain AND hail? A storm so Right Here that the lightening doesn’t even wait for the thunder before hitting again? A storm so loud that it drowns out the TV?

I’ll tell you what happens.

Anger.

Scientifically speaking, this is called an Angry Storm. Its mother probably called it Bob or something but its scientific name is Big Honkin’ Angry Storm. And BHAS looked in the windows of several houses and realized people were watching TV and not paying Proper Attention to the weather event. And BHAS got even angrier.

Do you know what happened then? I’ll tell you.

Out go the lights. Everyone looks up at the lights as if staring at them will bring back the electricity. Amazingly it does. On go the lights (and all the other appliances that had been running thirty seconds earlier). We all go back to what we were doing.

Zap! Out go the lights. Since it worked so well the first time, we all stare up at the lights again. And once again, the staring seems to do it. Zipp! On go the lights.

Then Snap! Crackle! Pop! Out go the lights. This time the staring does not intimidate any of the electrical appliances and they remain stubbornly dark. And silent.

Cue action for living beings.

Our resident 16 year old began to squawk like a stranded monkey. Dad started yelling to me, “Do not move! Do Not Move a Muscle! I am coming to bring you a flashlight! Do not move and start banging into things before I get there!” I’m not quite sure what he banged into on the way to bring me the flashlight but I’m pretty sure it didn’t break. At least not completely.

Pi transitioned from stranded monkey to hyperactive banshee. There wass much loudness.

Is it any wonder the Puppy freaked out?

What it looked like in our house when the electricty went out. DearKidLoveMom.comGuess what else? I only had 38% battery on my phone, so I had that going for me.

Did you know it is not possible to charge a phone from a candle? No matter how many candles you light, none of them have plugs.

Did you know it is not possible to wash dishes by candle light? No matter how many candles I lit, I still didn’t want to wash them. (Not possible, didn’t want to, potato, potahto.)

Did you know that it is most assuredly possible to break a nail by candle light? But finding a nail file? Nope, not possible.

Sometime during the night pop! elkcarc! naps! the electricity came back on.

Science lesson of the day: Both staring at the lights and sleeping can sometimes cause the electricity to return.

Science lesson of the day #2: The dishes do not wash themselves during a blackout.

Love, Mom

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Early Morning Puppy Conversations

Dear Kid,

Me: Stop it!
Puppy: I’m helping
Me: You’re not helping
Puppy: Helping! Helping! Helping!
Me: Scratching the door does not make it open any faster
Puppy: It might
Me: Stop It!

 

Me: Come on
Puppy: I’m sniffing
Me: I can see that. I would rather see you walking
Puppy: It’s important sniffing
Me: I’m sure it is. Let’s go have breakfast
Puppy: I love breakfast
Me: I know you do—so let’s get going
Puppy: In a minute. I’m sniffing

 

Me: This is not for you
Puppy: It could be
Me: This is my breakfast. You had your breakfast
Puppy: It smells delicious
Me: Thank you. But this is my breakfast, not your breakfast
Puppy: It could be. You could share. Or something might fall.
Me: I love your optimism
Puppy: So you’ll share?
Me: You can enjoy the yummy smell
Puppy: Yes? Yes? And?
Me: And this is my breakfast
Puppy: I’ll wait. Just in case.

Love, Mom

See more puppy conversations

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Grapefruit, Blog Topics, and Extreme Conversation

Dear Kid,

Pi was sitting on the floor peeling a grapefruit. The puppy was observing. Closely.

Me: I need a topic for tomorrow’s blog
Pi: The History of Grapefruit
Me: Is the history of grapefruit interesting?
Pi: Look it up. I’ll keep eating
I checked with My Friend the Internet.
Me: No, this is kind of boring. Except, get this. “The fruit is yellow-orange skinned and generally an oblate spheroid shape”
Pi: It’s what?
Me: Oblate spheroid
Pi: Hey Dad! What shape is a grapefruit?
Dad: Round
Pi: Nope. It’s…what is it again?
Me: Oblate spheroid.
Pi: So are you going to write about grapefruit?
Me: Nope. I can’t find a way to make it amusing in my head
Pi: I think this is very amusing. You should write about grapefruit
Me: I’ll consider it. Any other ideas?
Pi: What about the difference between cacao and cocoa?
Me: Huh?
Pi: There’s a difference. You should write about it.
We turn to MFTI. We find lots of information
Pi: So are you going to write about cacao and cocoa?
Me: Um, probably not.
Pi: I find this fascinating.
Me: I need an idea
Pi: What about a blog with a Message?
Me: Like what?
Pi: Like dog fights
Me: What?!
Pi: Because those are bad
Me: But I don’t have anything to say other than “they’re bad”
Pi: You can look it up. And tell people they’re bad. And then add a link
Me: A link?
Pi: So people can donate to help stop dog fights
I sigh
Pi: The grapefruit idea is looking pretty good right about now, isn’t it?
She turns so the puppy can lick her grapefruit covered fingers
Pi: You are so lucky to be in this house. You have a lucky bootie
Me: What does that mean?
Puppy: I have a lucky booty
Me: I still don’t really know what that means
Pi: That his boo-tay is lucky
Me: How is it lucky?
Pi: Because he lives in this house
Puppy: She’s talking a lot
Me: What did he just do?
Pi: He put his nose on my nose
Puppy: I’m trying to make this stop
Pi: He’s trying to make this stop! That is hilarious!!!
The puppy put his nose and eyes under his blanket. I know the feeling. DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: What do I push to make it all stop?
Me: I think he wants to nap
Pi: He bonked my nose again. That is so funny!!!
Puppy: Nap time
Me: So much for a Great Blog Idea
Pi: You should probably write about grapefruit

The puppy put his nose and eyes under his blanket. I know the feeling.

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | Puppy’s Innards Do The Talking

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mom
Me: Yes, baby
Puppy: MOM
Me: What?
Puppy: There’s a monster in the house
Me: I don’t think there’s a monster
Puppy: I heard it
Me: What exactly did you hear?
Puppy: That!
Me: That was not a monster
Puppy: What was it?
Me: That was your tummy
Puppy learns where THOSE noises have been coming from... DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: Whaaaaat?
Me: Yes
Puppy: Noooo….
Me: Yes

 

Puppy: That noise was not my tummy
Me: No, that was not your tummy
Puppy: It was a monster
Me: No, not a monster
Puppy: Monster
Me: No, that was you
Puppy: What? I didn’t bark
Me: No, sweetie. The other end of you
Puppy: Make it stop! It’s scary!
Me: Whew! Kinda scary for me too. No more snacks for you

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see

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