Dear Kid,

I love Spring. There are pastel dresses, jelly beans, and Rogue 1 is out on DVD. What’s not to love?

But now Spring has taken things a Step Too Far.

Specifically, Peeps, the perennial Easter treat of sweetness and colors not found in nature, has gone Far Too Far.

Not only are there Oreo Peeps (please, Oreo—enough with the brand extensions already!) which someone was kind enough to share with me (and by “kind” I’m not entirely sure what I mean. It was really nice to offer, and I was intrigued. But then I ate one. I didn’t die, but a small part of my soul keeled over.).

Now there is also a Peeps beverage.

I use the word “beverage” carefully, hoping that I can fly under the beverage industry’s radar.

Peeps Orange Crème Flavored Milk is bad enough (at least they didn’t call it a Milk Beverage), but Peeps Egg Nog? Seriously? Isn’t that a case of holiday confusion? Isn’t that just one of those things we do not need in the Universe? And what’s with all the faux ingredients? (Although I must admit, I expected far more faux and far less milk on the ingredient list.)

The worst part is that is sounds delicious.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Your father is making fun of me.

It’s not that I blame him exactly. It’s just that he seems to be enjoying it a wee bit too much.

At least a wee bit too much for my taste.

Here’s what happened.

I made a cup of coffee. A delightful, full bodied, fresh cup of coffee.

Only I forgot the cup.

The Keurig is a remarkable machine. It makes a happy little sound as it makes coffee. It doesn’t complain. It doesn’t take up too much space. It’s perfectly content making Double Diamond one moment and French Vanilla Decaf the next.

It does not, however, check to see if there’s a cup before it starts pouring.

In my defense, I was looking at Dad and was thoroughly distracted.

Also in my defense (OK, less in my defense and more to help share the blame), Dad was staring straight at the Keurig and didn’t mention notice that the coffee was going straight to the drip tray without checking at Cup Station.

The good news was that I had the drip tray in place. The only other time I’ve gone cup-less, I didn’t have the drip tray and ended up with coffee all over the counter, the cabinets, the dishes, and the floor.

There I was, coffee in the drip tray, cup in hand, Dad laughing all over the place, and the Puppy wondering when something was going to spill so he could share in the fun.

I was not amused. Did I mention it was Cup #1 of the Day?

I thought about picking up the drip tray of coffee and pouring it into my cup. Dad saw my thought (I am not subtle first thing in the morning) and offered to help (and by “offered to help” I mean hollered, “I’ll do it! You probably shouldn’t touch anything hot!”).

He started looking for the turkey baster (I kid you not). I thought about pouring the coffee on him.

I got out a small ladle and ladled coffee soup into my cup while inventing ways to torture people who make fun of other people before those other people are sufficiently caffeinated.

NOTE: A side trip to the drip tray does not noticeably change the taste of coffee. Just thought you should know.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Admit it. You’ve been waiting for it. You knew that sooner or later I’d get around to weird and wonderful facts about tea.

Ta-da!

The ubiquitous tea bag was invented by Thomas Sullivan. He put tea in little silk bags to give samples to customers. He called it marketing. Customers called it convenient and thought they were supposed to put the whole thing in their tea pot. We call it innovation. Not everyone thinks tea bags are a good thing, but most of the western world appreciates not having loose tea floating around in their drink.

The art of reading tea leaves is called tasseography. Remind me to check the tea leaves to see if I should write about reading them.

If the Queen visits, you need to know that to serve tea formally one requires a formal tea service. That means teapot (duh), sugar bowl, milk pitcher, coffee pot (for the heathens), slop bowl, teacups and saucers, and the tray (because how else would you carry everything out?). The slop bowl is not for the pigs, nor is it for the used tea leaves (one leaves the leaves in the tea pot, m’dear). The slop bowl is to hold the hot water you used to warm the tea pot prior to pouring in the hot water for tea. Don’t worry. The Queen doesn’t usually drop in unannounced, so you have time to figure it all out.

Once upon a time, there was breakfast and there was dinner but there was no lunch. In the 1800s, Anna, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, got hungry in the afternoon. So she invited guests for tea and sweets (and conversation). This is where afternoon tea began.

In ancient China, tea was a form of currency. Tea leaves were pressed into bricks and scored on one side so it could be broken to make change.

It takes about 2,000 little tiny tea leaves to make a pound of tea. A pound of tea makes about 200 cups of brewed tea.

The best tea is grown at high elevation and is hand picked.

Tea plants can grow into tall trees (up to 52 feet tall according to one source I read). It is difficult to reach 52 feet high to harvest the leaves, so most plants are pruned to waist height.

Tea plants require 50 inches of rain annually.

All of which means we will continue to purchase tea and not attempt to grow any in the backyard.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We’re back to our discussion about tea (you thought I forgot, didn’t you? No such luck.).

Tea (all of the actual tea varieties we discussed the other day—pop quiz: do you remember them? White tea, green tea, Oolong, Black tea, and pu-erh) comes from the Camellia sinensis plant. If the beverage you’re drinking comes from the leaf or flower of any other plant, it may look like tea, smell like tea, taste like tea, and be marketed as tea, but it is not tea.

You’re joking. The box says tea.

It does. It’s wrong. What you’ve got in your cup is a tisane or infusion or some other brewed loveliness of herbs. It is not tea if it doesn’t come from Camellia sinesis. Most of the time, these non-tea beverages are called herbal tea which doesn’t seem to make sense to me, but who am I to argue?

Herbal teas are made from the roots, leaves, flowers, bark, seeds, and/or fruits of various plants, which may be more than you wanted to know.

More importantly, just because the beverage is Not Really Tea doesn’t mean that it isn’t delicious and wonderfully good for you.

There are umpteen bazillion different kinds of herbal tea and they all offer different tastes and benefits. For the most part, the stuff you buy in a box in the grocery store isn’t going to provide too many benefits (it’s been sitting around for a while and generally is only average quality to begin with) but if it makes you happy (and soothes your throat) enjoy!

There are tea snobs in the world. Fortunately, I’m not one of them.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s Tea for Two Tuesday. Seriously, it is.

There are lots of different kinds of tea to enjoy—I learned about more than coffee at Coffee Fest!

Pu-erh tea is fermented tea, which is to say the leaves are fully oxidized and fermented, and, um, often moldy (in a good way). Think wine or cheese. I’ve never had it, but I’ve been assured it is an acquired taste. Until 1995, it was illegal to import pu-erh teas into the US.

The most common type of tea in the US is black tea. Black tea leaves are fully oxidized which basically means the tea leaves absorb oxygen after they’re picked (think rust on a car). The oxidation turns the leaves dark brown and black and impacts the taste of the brewed tea. They have the highest caffeine level of the teas (but not as much as coffee).

Oolong teas are semi-oxidized. Which make them the middle child of teas.

Green teas are not oxidized which is to say they’re dried without being allowed to absorb much oxygen which in turn is why they stay green. Green teas are subtle both in terms of flavor and caffeination.

White tea is pretty rare. It’s a delicate tea made from little tiny baby tea leaves picked at an exact time. It’s considered the healthiest of teas—but you’ll pay for all that healthiness.

None of this matters if you don’t like tea. Or if you only drink herbal tea which it turns out isn’t tea at all. Tune in tomorrow (or some other day) for more on the whole herbal tea thing.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Were you busy thinking there are no interesting innovations in the world of coffee? Silly you.

We met Taylor from Coffee Blenders yesterday. And brought home one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a while. Coffee Blenders is (and I quote) “the pioneer in functional coffee”. I don’t think they have covered wagons, but I haven’t done enough research to be sure.

What I do know is they’ve got some seriously cool stuff and a great cup of coffee.

It will not surprise you to learn that what caught my eye was a pouch labeled Lean Cup. Taylor and I had a lovely discussion in which she fed my already saturated brain all sorts of information about their different coffees.

This morning, I put the pouch to the test.

Step 0: Wake up after having stayed up late chatting with the GirlChild and friends. This is not an easy step. The Puppy made it easier by suggesting that it was time for him to be walked, thank you very much.

Step 1: After walking and feeding the Puppy, get a cup for coffee. Not a problem as I am well-practiced in the Art of Getting Coffee Cups.

Step 2: Open the packet. Easier said than done. Once I found the little tear place it wasn’t hard. Finding the place where they started the tear without coffee in my system…

Step 3: Place the little filter pouch in the coffee cup. Adorable yes? Yes. Realize you have to tear open the adorable little filter pouch. Panic for a moment envisioning difficulties and coffee going everywhere. Relax immensely when it turns out to be the easiest part of the entire process.

I spent a minute trying to decide whether to congratulate the inventors for making such a wonderful process or myself for flawless execution. Decided we could share the glory.

Step 4: Pour hot water in the little filter pouch (yep, I did that flawlessly too). Let the coffee bloom for 20 seconds (yeah, right, like I was going to time it) then add more water.

Step 5: Enjoy.

Now here is the really, incredibly amazing part. (I hope you’re sitting down.)

It was dang good coffee. I mean, really, really good.

We all know that there are lots of coffees I don’t like and that pretty much no one is going to claim I have the most sophisticated palate in the world. I can live with this. I’m not a Master Coffee Expert Taster with certifications and whatnot. I’m just me. And I love this coffee. No, they haven’t paid me to say that (although they’re certainly welcome to).

The only problem is that I don’t have another pouch to have a second cup.

Life is hard sometimes.

Love, Mom