Dear Kid,

About a zillion years ago, I found a big piece of fabric with a blue background and a football team logo all over it. I sewed up the sides, stuffed it, and turned it into an enormous pillow for your room.

Since it was not the logo of a team that offended your sensibilities, and since it was big, and most importantly it was football (although hockey would have been better, Mom), you were quite happy to have it.

It lived as part of the background of your room for a long time.

But while the logo didn’t offend your sensibilities (hockey really would have been better, Mom) neither were you at all interested in that particular football organization, and the pillow drifted. It drifted so far that eventually it fell off your bed and took up permanent residence on the floor.

There it lay for several years, until I finally decided that someone with four legs would probably enjoy it more than the floor.

So I brought it downstairs, covered it with towels (just in case the team offended the Puppy’s sensibilities), and presented his Furriness with an alternative napping spot.

The Puppy LOVES his big pillow. It may be his favorite place to nap. If not his fave, then certainly in the top three. Apparently, he just doesn’t care all that much about football logos (I’m sure he agrees that hockey really, really would have been better).

Somewhere along the way, one of the seams gave out. The Puppy (of course) saw this as an excellent opportunity to liberate some of the stuffing. I shoved the stuffing back in the pillow, turned the pillow so that the hole was against the wall (harder to remember to pull the stuffing out when you can’t see it), and promised myself that – at my earliest opportunity – I would repair the rip.

Fast forward approximately 17 months. Yesterday was “my earliest opportunity.” I know, because I actually fixed the pillow yesterday.

Not only was the seam ripped, but part of the fabric was ripped too. There was no way to perform elegant plastic surgery. This was meatball surgery (extra points if you get the reference) at best.

So I sat on the floor with the big blue pillow and began to pin and stitch. The Puppy was not amused at having his Favorite Place taken away and stalked off, making it a point to ignore me. I made it a point not to notice him ignoring me.

About halfway through the repair job, I went to the kitchen to refill my BOC (beverage of choice—Diet Coke). When I came back, who do you think had figured out how to climb onto the pillow, curl up, and pretend to be asleep?

Dad wanted to “cause an earthquake” and dislodge the baby from the pillow. I vetoed the idea.

Instead, I lovingly scooped him off the pillow and into my lap, thoroughly expecting to be given the evil eye and abandoned.

Just when you think you know how they’re going to behave…

The baby blinked up at me sleepily, snuggled down, and remained on my lap. I thought maybe he wanted to be near his pillow while it was in “the hospital.”

Have you ever tried to thread a needle when a 20 pound dog is sleeping with his oversized head in the crook of your arm? Not easy, my friend, not easy.

I pulled the pillow over, somehow threaded the needle, and resumed working. Get the visual: Puppy in my lap, mostly curled up with his head in the crook of my left arm; pillow that is 5 times bigger than he is pulled up so that it is almost covering him like a blanket; me trying to sew.

And then – just as I was considering asking him to nap elsewhere – he began to snore. Tiny, baby, I’m-so-happy-with-the-world snores.

By the time I finished the pillow, my arm was beginning to cramp from holding his head and my right leg had fallen asleep.

It’s been a long time since I was that happy to be that uncomfortable.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s National Napping Day!

Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

OK, it’s not. It’s Fatigue Syndrome Day.

Not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is a real and significant disorder and should be treated by medical professionals.

Just Fatigue.

As in, eyelids shut. As in, head nodding during class. As in, I’ve been staring at the screen long enough and it is time for some zzzzz.

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. ~Fran Lebowitz

It’s not easy getting enough sleep when you’re in college.

Heck, it’s not easy getting enough sleep when you’re not in college. (My wonderful purple Fitbit is kind enough to remind me daily.)

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. ~Leo J. Burke

According to My Friend the Internet, there is a good bit of evidence showing that we don’t know how to sleep correctly. Which is weird since it’s one of those things we’ve been doing since birth.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. ~Author unknown

Turns out that we were better at sleeping before electricity interrupted things.

B.E. (before electricity), people would go to sleep shortly after sundown for their first sleep. They’d get up for a while in the middle of the night (probably to check the chickens) and then settle down for their second sleep.

Unless they lived some place hot, in which case they only tossed and turned in the heat and then took a long siesta to make up for the lack of sleep.

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~Author Unknown

For those of us that are required to jump leap slither out of bed each morning in order to go to work, caffeine is a friend. An important friend. An enabler.

Happy Good Morning.

The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. ~Author Unknown

I don’t know what that makes Thursday morning. We can talk about it after my nap.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Mom is cooking. And she’s not sharing.

Even though I’ve asked very nicely.

I think her exact words were, “Puppy, go write to the Kid about it because you are not getting any of this chicken.”

Or something like that.

So just to show that I’m a good boy, I decided to write to you.

Today was a very exciting day. It started when Mom woke me up (she wasn’t cooking then) and we snuggled before I took her for a morning walk. She likes to think she wakes me up, but really I’m wide awake the minute she gets out of bed. I just like to lie quietly in my blankets and let her think she’s waking me up because she needs jobs like that.

After our walk, I had breakfast. Do you know what breakfast is? It’s FOOD! Which is de-li-shus.

Then I chewed on my chipmunk toy while mom went upstairs. It was Very Important Chewing, but I kept an ear open in case there were Intruders. Or someone dropping food. (There weren’t any Intruders today, but don’t worry—I’m guarding the house.)

Then I took a nap, because breakfast and chewing are very tiring.

When I finished that nap, I turned around and took another one. Naps are something I practice every day, and I am very good at them. I would be happy to teach you how to nap if you’d like. You let all of you go to sleep EXCEPT for one ear, because you never know what might happen. Be sure to turn around every now and then so your other ear can listen and your first ear can sleep.

After my naps, I did a bit of this and a bit of that (although not really very much of that), and then everyone came home and now there is COOKING and My Nose Is Going to Explode and No One Cares!!!

I think you should come home from college and feed me.

Love, Puppy

And that’s exactly what I found on my computer.

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

It’s that kind of a day.

I have no idea what that means either.

Last night I spent time hanging out with Pi and watching Total Divas (bad “reality” TV) rather than writing a blog and this morning I spent time sleeping rather than writing a blog and so now my coffee and I are busy staring at a blank screen. (The Puppy has taken over the sleeping so that is still being attended to.)

But it’s that kind of a day, by which I mean it’s an odd day. It’s too warm to turn on the heat, but too cold not to. At the moment I am cuddled under three blankets with my laptop warming the top of my lap and my coffee warming the inside of my tummy. Nothing is warming my toes and they are complaining about it. I told them about your toes turning purple during your class about what cold does to extremities. They “oohed” politely and pointed out that you are young and resilient and—more importantly—attached to someone else which in no way makes them any warmer. Silly toes.

Pi is off at an event for Crayons to Computers (such a good child working for such a good cause) and Dad is grocery shopping (he’s only called me once from the store so far—well, twice if you count the pocket dial). His soccer games got canceled because it is cold and rainy. Yes, I know you don’t cancel soccer games when it’s cold and rainy, but these people did. At least they had the courtesy to call him before he left the house.

There’s a great deal to be done around the house today. Cooking and baking and cleaning and snuggling the Puppy. Unfortunately, none of those things (except Puppy snuggling) sound as nice and cozy as sipping gulping coffee under my blanket. So it remains to be seen what will get done. I have GOT to get better elves.

Hope your weekend is off to a great start.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

I have been thinking about koalas. Because koalas are cute and they sleep a lot and I have been thinking about sleep. Koalas sleep about 18 hours a day – because they can.

I slept a lot this weekend. Partly because I could and partly because … well, entirely because I could.

Sleep is a wonderful thing (I believe I may have mentioned this once or twelve thousand times) and college and high school kids rarely get enough.

You know that feeling when you’re sitting in class and you have to jerk yourself awake every few seconds? Caused by not enough sleep.

You know that feeling of reading the same test question three times and still not knowing what it says? Caused by not enough sleep (occasionally caused by a bad instructor, but usually lack of sleep is the culprit).

You know that feeling of being rude to your family and not really knowing why but not being able to help it? Generally caused (or at least exacerbated by) not enough sleep.

You know that feeling of your stomach hurting and your head spinning and the world going too fast on its axis? Can be caused by a bunch of things, but one of them is not enough sleep.

What can too much sleep cause? Too much sleep can cause you to miss classes, too much sleep can cause you to miss work, and too much sleep can turn you into a legend (just look at Rip Van Winkle). Basically, if you adhere to proper alarm clock management, there aren’t many downsides of too much sleep.

So.

We are delighted you’re home. Seriously happy to have you back here. And we understand you need a day or two to sleep and recover. There are a few things we need to accomplish in the next few days (and by “we” I mean you), but mostly you are free to snarf food (please stay awake long enough to clean up), watch bad TV (try to share the remote), and lounge like a piece of Jell-O on the couch.

The ordinary rules of family behavior will be suspended modified over the next day or two. After that, we expect you to return to regular family member status and helpfulness.

In the meantime, get some sleep.

Love you, kiddo.

Love, Mom