Dear Kid,

What a fabulous success the Cincinnati Coffee Festival was. The venue was great, the vendors were wonderful, the crowds were spectacular, the music was top notch, the demos were interesting and well attended, and my Fitbit got a ridiculous workout.

Despite the amount of caffeine I had (yes, I tasted just about everything—I felt it was my obligation), I slept most of the day yesterday. I could use a few more days of wall-to-wall napping, but I’m starting to feel a bit more human.

In other news, the Puppy’s tail is feeling better. Did I tell you he sprained his tail a few weeks ago? If it weren’t so sad to see him yelp and then try to turn around to see who was tweaking his tail, it would have been funny. He now appears to be entirely healed.

The Bengals lost (not exactly a big surprise), Ohio University won, Indiana won (not many people noticed), the Cyclones won Friday night but lost Saturday night, Wilkes-Barre Penguins won both Saturday night and Sunday night (you knew that), and various other sports teams won and lost (generally not simultaneously).

I’ve used up most of my words—need to keep sleeping and replenish them.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Well it has been quite a weekend sports-wise.

The most important lesson we learned is It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over also known as Play to the End.

Just about every game this weekend (and by “just about every game” I mean the two games I watched) seemed like they were tilting toward one team and (after a lot of see-sawing) went to the other team. This was either wonderful or devastating depending on who you were rooting for.

The second lesson we learned is Age is Just a Number. Exhibit A: Adam Vinatieri, actual age: 143.

Animals Love Pumpkin is Lesson Number 3. They do. The Puppy is very fond of pumpkin puree (frozen or room temp—he’s not picky). This weekend we learned (thanks to B roll) that elephants and hippos at the Cinci Zoo are enjoying their October treats. Seeds and all.

It Is Almost Christmas. This is Lesson Number 4, and one we’ll file under “faux facts.” One of the commercials (shown 4,382 times) is already talking about “Last Minute Gifts.” Last minute? Are you kidding me? It’s still pre-Trick or Trick. I get that Xmas commercials are starting already. I’m not even too fussed about it. But “last minute gifts”? Arrg. And who gets a roomba for a cat?

People Inside the TV Can’t Hear You. No matter how loudly you yell. No matter how right you are. No matter how much they deserve the wisdom and expertise you offer, they just can’t hear you. Turns out even if you’re at the game and spend time yelling at the players, they can’t hear you although they appreciate it more when you’re in the same zip code.

Happy pre-Halloween.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Facts about The Penguins.

The Pittsburgh Penguins were founded in 1967—you weren’t alive then.

The Penguins name came from the nickname of their home rink, the Igloo, formally known as the Civic Arena. Now they play at the PPG Paints Arena.

The gold triangle in the Penguin logo represents the golden triangle of downtown Pittsburgh.

The Penguins’ farm team (the Baby Penguins) play in Wilkes Barre, PA (which you knew).

Emperor Penguins are about 4 feet tall. Pittsburgh Penguins are taller.

Gentoo penguins are the fastest penguins in the water. Pittsburgh Penguins can beat Gentoos on the ice. The Gentoos don’t really care.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Today is the tenth day of the tenth month of the tenth year (assuming you started counting 10 years ago), so it seems appropriate to talk about the number 3.

Just kidding, the number 10.

I was going to share 10 fabulous facts about the number 10. But there are too many fun facts to stop at ten. Then I thought about 10 times 10 facts—until I realized that no one wants to read (or write) 100 facts.

So here are a bunch (I counted) of seriously interesting (mostly) facts about the number 10.

We (or at least most of us) have 10 fingers and 10 toes. Which is useful considering that most numbers we deal with are in base 10 (and that’s not even counting—get it, counting—the metric system). Also, the length of your hand (if you’re an adult) is a tenth of your height.

Number 10 Downing Street is the home of the British Prime Minister. But only if you say “Number 10” in a British accent.

“Deca” means ten (you knew that). But did you know that “decimate” really means to reduce by a tenth? If you write the number 10 twice (1010), you get the number ten in binary. Now that’s cool.

Ten is a triangular number (think about how bowling pins are arranged: 1+2+3+4). It’s also a tetrahedral number (very few people care).

There are 10 acres in a square furlong. (I never knew that, did you?)

Crabs, lobsters, shrimp, and other crustaceans have 10 legs. This makes them very tasty (but difficult to find shoes for).
A $10 bill is also known as a “sawbuck.” The traditional 10th anniversary gift is tin, while the modern gift for the 10th anniversary is diamonds. That’s a lot of sawbucks.

There are 10 Lords A-Leapin’ according to the song. Capricorn (the sea-goat) is the 10th sign in the Zodiac. (Sea-goat? What on earth is a sea-goat?)

There are 10 provinces in Canada, eh? Virginia is the 10th State in the Union.

The number 10 is very important in sports, because it is the maximum number of events most people can watch at any one time. (I’ve watched you flip channels!) The decathlon has ten events. In auto racing, driving a race car at ten-tenths means driving as fast as possible. There are 10 yards in a first down, and ten yards in a football endzone. A basketball hoop should be hung 10 feet above the ground. There are ten players per side in lacrosse. The top score in gymnastics is 10 (except it isn’t anymore). Surfers try to Hang 10.

Odysseus traveled for 10 years (and that was before the invention of frequent traveler miles).

There are 10 commandments (plus “Pick your stuff up off the floor!). There were 10 plagues (the 11th may be the floor of your room). There are Ten Sephirot in the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. In Hinduism, Lord Vishnu appeared on the earth in 10 incarnations.

The Richter scale is measured in tenfold increase of energy. There are ten official ink-splats in the Rorschach inkblot test. The atomic number for neon is 10 (which you can write in neon).

Ten is the number you count to when you need to take a moment, and you take 10 when you need a longer break. We love Top Ten Lists, and searching for the perfect 10. 

10-4 good buddy.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

The other night you were watching an XMen movie. I was watching women’s gymnastics.

Haley Graham: [V.O.] Elite gymnastics is like Navy SEALs, only harder. There are like, 2000 Navy SEALs, but there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. I guess that’s because most kids would rather have a life than spend six hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Look, don’t be fooled by the leotards, people. The things gymnasts do make Navy SEALs look like wusses. And we do them *without* a gun!

You do know where the quote is from, right?

These little teeny girls (don’t get your eyebrows up, they are girls) are crazy athletes. They somehow manage to propel their bodies 4 or 5 miles into the air (without benefit of trampolines), twist around like a dreidel, and then—wait for it—stick the landing. All while looking sparkly and adorable. And smiling.

What kind of sport requires smiling?

Gymnastics is not a sport for the anti-glitter contingent.

Nor is it a sport for the faint of heart.

Haley Graham: [V.O.] Gymnastics tells you ‘no’ all day long. It mocks you over and over again, telling you that you’re an idiot. That you’re crazy. If you like running full speed towards a stationary object, vault’s for you. If you like peeling pieces of skin the size of quarters off your hands, bars is for you. Because the only thing more fun than rips, is when your rips get rips. It’s super sexy. And floor? Are you serious? I mean, who doesn’t wanna parade around in a leotard getting wedgies and doing dorky choreography? It’s delicious. If you like falling, then gymnastics is the sport for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees and your pride! Good thing I didn’t like falling. I *loved* it!

It’s incredible how strong they are. OK, they can’t move faster than the speed of life or heal with superhuman speed or any of the other crazy powers the XMen have.

Haley Graham: I can hear you! and I’ll kill you!

On the other hand, they’re real. And really, really impressive. Congrats to US National Champion Ragan Smith!

Love, Mom

All quotes from Stick It!

Dear Kid,

I now have some perspective.

(Yeah, that’s not entirely true. But I have had a few hours’ sleep and I was just too worn out to write and reflect after the game.)

Sooooo, there was a soccer game in Cincinnati this week (wasn’t sure if you knew that).

The price of parking in the area doubled, the number of available seats for dinner eating dwindled to a ridiculous few, and joy and excitement reached entirely new heights.

Dinner was a colossal failure hot mess unfortunate event interesting. After a competitive game of “I Dunno, Where Do You Want to Eat?” we tried every restaurant within 6 miles only to discover that we’d have to wait until dawn for a table. (No joke. We put our names in at one place and we’re still waiting for them to free up a table for us.) We ended up at Dibella’s “Wait, there are going to be guests tonight?” Subs.

After placing our orders, we sat down to wait for the sandwiches.

Let’s do the math: 6 people, 5 of whom ordered subs. How many sandwiches were delivered correctly and how many mistakes were made? Ok, carry the one, compute the combination and permutations, throw salt over your shoulder, and be sure to show your work. In pencil. And the answer is: one sandwich delivered correctly! 4,782 mistakes were made. For the last sandwich, it took our collective efforts to explain that a Philly Cheese Steak included steak (not turkey) and cheese (not invisible cheese substitute).

Fortunately, we had plenty of time and eventually everyone was fed. (I ate French fries at the game. They were just about perfect. Happy, happy little me.)

Then we went to the game.

If we’re being completely honest, Football Club Cincinnati was outplayed from whistle to whistle. But as you know, I rarely let complete honesty get in the way of fan-ship and team loyalty. There were definitely some questionable officiating calls. Our guys played their hearts out and when they scored the first goal the crowd went wild.

I have never fully understood that phrase until now. I have never felt that kind of transformative energy. It was a lifetime experience.

Ultimately (and by “ultimately” I mean after two periods of overtime), we lost. By one teeny tiny little unfortunate goal.

We got home waaaay past my bedtime. But it was absolutely worth it.

Love, Mom