Dear Kid,

Today is July 5^th. Just in case you thought the major holiday of the month was yesterday….OK, the major holiday of the month was yesterday, but today is also a Day of Celebration.

Today’s holidays are brought to you by Whose Idea Was This? and You’ve Got to be Kidding Me!

Because today’s holidays are (I am not making this up) National Bikini Day and Work-a-holics Day.

Now let’s just think about this for a minute.

What are the main activities for the 4^th of July? Picnics, drinking, more picnics, more drinking, fireworks. And while fireworks are non-fattening, the same cannot be said for picnics and adult beverages. So who thought it would be a good idea to put Bikini Day right after Snarf Everything In Sight Day?

As for Work-a-holics Day, on the one hand isn’t every day Work-a-holics Day? (Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department.) On the other hand, there are a lot of people still on vacation on the day after the 4^th, so perhaps it isn’t the ideal time to celebrate excessive working. On the other hand (yes, I know that’s three hands—either I’m an alien or counting isn’t really the point here), those of us that are working are pitching in for those on vaca, so maybe it is the right time to celebrate.

Mostly, I hope people don’t get the holidays confused. Seeing people wearing bikinis in the office would definitely be, um, weird, and people trying to work at the pool would be bad for computers and general productivity.

Personally, I think I’ll just stick with saying, Happy July 5^th.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Fourth of July To Do List:

Make a cup of coffee.

Fill the bird feeder.

Watch the squirrels eat the seeds I spilled filling the bird feeder.

Put on bug spray.

Pull out wintercreeper.

Provide mosquitoes with brunch despite the bug spray.

Explain to the birds that they should eat some bugs in addition to the birdseed.

Be ignored by the birds.

Watch Puppy nap on the driveway. Decide he has the right idea and call him over for a snuggle. Extra points for a sleepy snuggly puppy.

Wave as Dad and Pi leave for a bike ride.

Plan lunch.

Plan dinner.

Watch the squirrels some more because it’s fun.

Take refrigerator inventory and re-plan meals. Consider stealing seed from the squirrels to make dinner since there’s not much in the house.

Watch the weeds regenerate at light speed. Times two.

Make another cup of coffee.

Watch the squirrels plot how to get to the birdfeeder because eating the seeds that fall is great but insufficient. For the millionth time, wonder whether “bird  feeder” or “birdfeeder” is correct. Decide the answer can wait.

Brush the Puppy. It’s summer, so allow extra time.

Get ready for the fireworks and music festival this evening.

Make another cup of coffee.

Be proud to live in this country despite all its faults. And the mosquitoes.

Happy Birthday, America!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s Memorial Day. You knew that. And if you want to read my serious thoughts on the day, you can find them here and here. If you want my thoughts about Memorial Day hot dogs, click here.

But today is far more than Memorial Day. It is also Learn About Composting Day.

I am not joking.

Learn About Composting Day was created by the Holiday Insights people in 2011. I have no idea (absolutely no idea) why they would pick Memorial Day, because it seems like a bad pun to me. I’m hoping they just happened to coincide this year. But still….

The general idea behind composting is to take vegetable and fruit scraps, pack them away in a dark place for a while, and voila! you have wonderful, nutritious compost that you can use to fertilize plants in the garden. What could be easier?

At our house, we excel at some of the steps.

Create fruit and veggie scraps? No problem. We generate a ton of peels, ends, tops, and rinds.

Collect the aforementioned scraps? Still no problem. We sometimes fill multiple containers in a day.

Deposit the scraps in a dark place? We are so on it! (And by “we” I mean Dad. He does an outstanding job of taking the scraps out to the compost bin.)

Leave the aforementioned scraps alone and let them decompose? Doing nothing is one of my superpowers.

Take out the wonderful, nutritious compost and fertilize plants? Um, not so much.

For reasons I can’t even begin to understand or analyze, we have the Las Vegas of compost bins: what goes into the compost bin stays in the compost bin. It must be decomposing and settling down inside the bin because the volume we’ve put in far exceeds the size of the container. Unless there’s a fourth dimension to the container…hadn’t thought about that…

“Next year” we are going to take the compost out and spread it around. Apparently, “next year” is one of those unreachable goals that moves farther away as you get closer. Remember Tantalus?

On the down side, our plants are not getting the benefit of wonderfully decomposed kitchen scraps. On the plus side, the scraps aren’t in a landfill and they aren’t in the kitchen. And I got to mention mythology.

Happy Composting!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Well, ain’t this ridiculous?

Today is Heat Awareness Day.

It’s 30 degrees below zero and monsooning, and it’s Heat Awareness Day.

Penguins are complaining about it being too cold, and it’s Heat Awareness Day.

It’s May 26^th. It’s practically Memorial Day. It’s Heat Awareness Day. And I’m contemplating the benefits of a down jacket or three wool sweaters. (And I’ll probably wear both—me, as the Michelin Man.)

But just in case the weather ever warms up:

Wear sunscreen. Lots of it. Reapply frequently.

Drink lots of water. Then drink more.

Find shade.

Wear a hat.

Have another drink of water.

Wear loose, light-colored clothing.

Avoid strenuous activity in the middle of the day.

Take a dunk in the pool.

Remember how you felt on May 26^th.

Love, Mom

Dear Mom,

There’s a problem with Mother’s Day.

It’s not when we’re little. Then it’s easy because a teacher hands you paper and macaroni and gold paint and voila! Mother’s Day from the heart and you didn’t even have to wash sticky fingers.

As we get a little older, it’s still pretty easy. We have new skills each year that we can incorporate into an entirely new celebration of Mother’s Day. We learn to express ourselves. We learn to say thank you.

Eventually, we get old enough that we learn how important mothers really are and we really, really say thank you. And I’m sorry. And if only I knew then what I know now. And you must have been a saint to put up with me then (and now).

When we get our own kids, we start to learn that you taught us how to mom and we celebrate Mother’s Day by thanking you for that too. And sending you pix of the grandkids, because you can never go wrong with that.

Some of us grow up to get our own blog and we write joyful (public) letters celebrating (publicly) the incredibleness of our own mom. The next year we try to say all the things we forgot to say the first year.

And then here we are four years of public blogging later, facing a blank screen and wondering how we can say (differently) that you’re the best mom ever and we’re so grateful for all you’ve done. Then and now.

See what I mean? There’s a problem with Mother’s Day? Because how do tell someone they’re better than best? That you wouldn’t be half the person you are without them? Without sounding like you’re repeating yourself from prior years?

Can’t be done.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love, Your Kid

Dear Kid,

In honor of it being the 5th Day of the 5th Month, I bring you 5 Things You Don’t Know About Cinco de Mayo (and I’m not going to talk about avocados).

5. Most people in Mexico don’t really care about Cinco de Mayo. It’s just another day. Because

4. It isn’t Mexico’s Independence Day. Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of the vastly outnumbered, out resourced, out of options Mexican army over the French in the Battle of Puebla (1862).

3. Cinco de Mayo became popular in the US after President Franklin Roosevelt enacted the Good Neighbor Policy in 1933. His intent was to improve relations with Latin America. Perhaps not everyone has read their history…

2. May 5^th is not just Cinco de Mayo. It’s also the day Carnegie Hall opened (1891), the day John Thomas Scopes was arrested for teaching evolution (1925), and the day NASA launched the first manned space flight (1961). This year it’s also International Tuba Day (the first Friday in May).

1. And finally, May the Fifth is also known as the Revenge of the Fifth Day. (This refers to following Star Wars Day, not to whatever you drink at a Cinco de Mayo party.)

Whatever you’re celebrating, I hope you have a good day.

Love, Mom