Dear Kid,

It’s that kind of a day.

I have no idea what that means either.

Last night I spent time hanging out with Pi and watching Total Divas (bad “reality” TV) rather than writing a blog and this morning I spent time sleeping rather than writing a blog and so now my coffee and I are busy staring at a blank screen. (The Puppy has taken over the sleeping so that is still being attended to.)

But it’s that kind of a day, by which I mean it’s an odd day. It’s too warm to turn on the heat, but too cold not to. At the moment I am cuddled under three blankets with my laptop warming the top of my lap and my coffee warming the inside of my tummy. Nothing is warming my toes and they are complaining about it. I told them about your toes turning purple during your class about what cold does to extremities. They “oohed” politely and pointed out that you are young and resilient and—more importantly—attached to someone else which in no way makes them any warmer. Silly toes.

Pi is off at an event for Crayons to Computers (such a good child working for such a good cause) and Dad is grocery shopping (he’s only called me once from the store so far—well, twice if you count the pocket dial). His soccer games got canceled because it is cold and rainy. Yes, I know you don’t cancel soccer games when it’s cold and rainy, but these people did. At least they had the courtesy to call him before he left the house.

There’s a great deal to be done around the house today. Cooking and baking and cleaning and snuggling the Puppy. Unfortunately, none of those things (except Puppy snuggling) sound as nice and cozy as sipping gulping coffee under my blanket. So it remains to be seen what will get done. I have GOT to get better elves.

Hope your weekend is off to a great start.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

What is it about the month of September and lack of sleep?

Because there is clearly Something Going On.

I’m pretty sure it’s the annual outbreak of the Exhaustion Epidemic.

The Exhaustion Epidemic (like the flu) tends to hit several times a year. Unlike the flu, there is no vaccine.

Symptoms include lack of actual sleep, feeling that there isn’t enough sleep in the universe to make you ever feel rested again, and a badittude.

Actual Text from My Friend Sue:

Just wanted you to know that there will be 2 of us in the car tomorrow. Me and my bad attitude.

Fortunately, Sue is a rank amateur when it comes to bad attitudes so I’m not really worried about being alone with her. And her car has plenty of room so we can make her badittude sit in the backseat.

Since I, your mother, have spent years researching and perfecting a Bad Attitude (the noise you just heard was your Grandfather choking on his Diet Coke as he read that), I now present Advice for Dealing with a Case of Exhaustion Epidemic and a Bad Attitude.

Warn People. Because Sue warned me there will be an extra passenger in the car, I’m now prepared to be a little more patient with her. This is far nicer than opening the car door and saying, “Oh. You came along too?”

Get Some Actual Sleep. The EE is only peripherally related to physical exhaustion. Most of the tired is being overwhelmed with life. Nonetheless, EE requires heavy doses of actual sleep.

Make a List. Part of the problem with EE is a feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. This generally leads to paralysis and TV watching. Turn off the TV, and make a list of the Things That Must Be Done. Do one of them. You’ll feel better. I promise.

Eat Real Food. Nothing exacerbates a case of EE like junk food. Except maybe junk food and too much coffee. Either way, eat something real. Your badittude won’t want you to, but your brain will thank you.

Call Your Mother. It won’t necessarily help, but it can’t really hurt. And it will make me feel better. And I promise not to fuss at you for the first five minutes of the call.

Here’s hoping you avoid a case of EE this term.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

The Alarm Clock: Time to get up
Me: …
The Alarm Clock: Time to Get Up
Me: mrrpphrrm
The Alarm Clock: TIME TO GET UP
Me: mrrphrnn mmmrrph
The Alarm Clock: TIME TO <snooze>

The Alarm Clock: Time to get up
Me: Not yet
The Alarm Clock: Time to Get Up
Me: No thank you
The Alarm Clock: TIME TO GET UP
Me: I’m considering unplugging you
The Alarm Clock: TIME TO <snooze>

The Alarm Clock: Time to get up
Me: Don’t want to
The Alarm Clock: Doesn’t matter. It’s really time to get up.
Me: You’re fairly obnoxious
The Alarm Clock: And you’re a pile of roses in the morning. Get up
Me: Stop being cheerful
The Alarm Clock: Have you always been a morning person? Get up
Me: I need sleep
The Alarm Clock: Time to <snooze>

The Alarm Clock: Time to get up
Me: Yeah, yeah
The Alarm Clock: Time to get up
Me: I’m up, I’m up
The Alarm Clock: Except for the getting up part. Get up
Me: I’m awake
The Alarm Clock: You keep going back to sleep
Me: You say it like that’s a bad thing
The Alarm Clock: It. Is. Time.
Me: Really? At this hour of the morning? You’re quoting Lion King?
The Alarm Clock: Whatever works
Me: I need coffee

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It was a long, long night.

I was awakened at 1:30am by “rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf!!”

To be clear, there aren’t many things I can think of that warrant being woken up at 1:30am. Perhaps, “Mom, I won the election for President of the United States!” or “The baby’s been born” but other than those I can’t think of much.

Even “I have a plate of fabulous chocolate for you” can wait until a more reasonable hour, chocolate shortage notwithstanding.

So “rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf!” didn’t even make my top 10 list.

After several minutes, I got (groggily) out of bed, stumbled over to the window, and looked out. I expected to see a herd of deer holding an Occupy meeting or possibly a squadron of attack drones. I saw absolutely nothing.

I therefore did what all good moms do: I ignored the puppy (the barking had stopped when I got up) and collapsed back into bed.

1:47 am

“RRRRWWWooooof! rrrrr..rwo-arf! Wooof Woooof WWWWWoooooffffff!”

I pried an eyelid open. Dad really needed to sleep, so I kindly did not put my foot in the middle of his back and push. Downstairs, the puppy switched from barking to whining when he heard me.

Me: What?
Puppy: Wwooof! Woof!
Me: There will be no barking. What do you need?

I expected him to charge out of his cage. He sauntered. Then he trotted over to get a toy.

Me: Seriously? Show me what you want.

The puppy made sure I followed him as he trotted happily through every room on the first floor.

Me: The middle of the night and you resort to canine-speak? The one time when it would really be helpful for you to talk to me?

So I took him for a walk. It’s cold at 2am in December. There didn’t seem to be any urgency on his part, although he did spend extra time sniffing around our mailbox.

I took him inside, told him he’d been a good doggy for utilizing the outdoors to the fullest extent, put him back to bed, then put myself back to bed.

2:15 am

“Yip!”

“Yip! Yip!”

“Yip!!!”

I went back downstairs. This time he was clear.

Puppy: You put me away without breakfast
Me: It’s the middle of the night. No breakfast
Puppy: I would like breakfast
Me: I would like to sleep. Guess who wins?

So I curled up on the sofa, the puppy curled up on his favorite pillow, and we slept.

I’m still wondering if he heard something outside, if his clock was off, or if he just wanted to sleep on his pillow.

Doesn’t really matter. I explained that this was not a game I approved of and we ran him like crazy today to tire him out.

I hope. Must. Go. Sleep.zzzzzzzzz

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see

• Puppy Conversations and Food Observations
• Spring Puppy Conversations
• New Puppy Conversations
• Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside
• Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid
• Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer
• Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness
• Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning
• Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party
• Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of
• Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope
• National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say
• Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal
• The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House
• October is National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month |Puppy Has an Announcement
• Puppy Tries to Talk His Way Out of a Bath
• Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge (vegan) for Breakfast
• Puppy Conversations | Mom Has a Headache and Puppy Tries to Help
• Puppy Conversations | Discussing Halloween
• Puppy Conversations | There Are Strangers in the House
• Puppy Conversations | Ricky The Yorkie Comes to Visit
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Talks Turkey
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Discovers Leftovers

Dear Kid,

It is 4-something in the morning and I seem to have forgotten how to sleep. Or possibly I’ve just thrown my sleep cycle completely out of whack. Either way, everyone with any sense is asleep and I sit here with a nice cup of tea (have you ever noticed that no one ever sits down with a bad cup of tea?), in the peace and quiet of pre-dawn, writing to you.

There are lots of tea snobs in the world. Fortunately, I am not one of them. Maybe I’ve just never had a truly wonderful cup of tea, or maybe I have mediocre taste buds. Probably both. I am a sucker for fun, flavored tea which I know would shock most tea connoisseurs into a stunned silence. Then again, I am not aware of ever having met a true tea snob so I could be making the whole thing up. Love the episode of NCIS where Ducky turns down a cup of tea from Gibbs saying it is made from “tea leaf dust” and later buys him the appropriate accoutrements for “proper” tea making. I’m pretty sure I own everything necessary for a “proper” cup of tea (tea pot, loose tea leaves, tea strainer). I’m darn sure I’ve never used them. Your mother is a failure when it comes to tea-snobbery.

His Fuzziness is snoring. Truly a wonderful noise. I wish I could bottle it and pull it out whenever I need a fuzzy-induced smile. I don’t think it would be the same to record it. I think there is something special about knowing he’s right there that makes the snoring so precious. Thoughts? (I know, I know. But did I mention the hour of the morning?)

Hoping you are not yet up. Hoping even more you are not still up. Either way, have a great day–and please get  some sleep for both of us.

Love, Mom