Dear Kid,

In case you haven’t been keeping up with Science (the magazine), The New York Times reporting, or NPR’s on air coverage, there are new developments in the realm of eggs.

Which is to say, there is nothing new in eggs, but there are new understandings about eggs.

For years, people have known that different species of birds lay different shaped eggs. Scientists were reasonably sure this was not so that people could nearly wipe out some species collecting their eggs (yes, egg collections were a thing in the 17^th and 18^th centuries) and they were reasonably sure it wasn’t just trendiness (yes, but rounder eggs really are the latest, my dear), but they didn’t have a good explanation for the differences.

Presumably the birds have understood the importance of their eggs for a long time (it’s just that they weren’t telling), and now we (and by “we” I mean humanity) has a better guess as to why some birds lay rounder eggs, some lay oval eggs, and some lay pointy eggs.

Turns out there is an egg shape-flying type/wing shape correlation. If you are a strong flier, you are more likely to be of a species that lays long or pointy eggs.

To figure this out, researchers looked at over 50,000 eggs. That is a lot of omelets. Just sayin’.

Bird experts are very excited about this new theory (and by “theory” I still mean guess) and plan to continue refining their studies.

Unfortunately, none of this research has answered the most important question, so we still don’t know which came first, the birdie or the egg.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

The Puppy and I saved a worm today.

We were out for our morning walk (as we do in the morning), and saw a robin yanking up a worm for breakfast. The worm seemed to be exceptionally reluctant to be eaten; the robin seemed to be exceptionally intent on eating it.

We were curious, the Puppy and I. So we gently, ever so gently, took a few steps forward to get a better look-see.

We did not intend to deprive the robin of his morning repast. We did not intend to rescue the worm.

But the robin got a little spooked and took off and the worm dove underground. The robin didn’t go far and in no time at all was chomping on some bugs and listening for worms.

Listening for worms? One of the world’s Top 10 Silent Creatures?

Apparently so.

Birds use sight (oooh, look! Worm tail!), sound (me thinks I hear a worm!), scent (fe-fi-fo-fum, I smell worm!), vibrations (the earth is shaking! It must be a worm!), and Google maps to find their prey.

Worms on the other hand have far more limited skills. They eat dirt so you really can’t expect highly developed brains. Worms can feel vibrations but too often instead of interpreting the vibration correctly (dang! It’s bird! Dive! Dive!), they poke their heads up (forgetting that they are blind) to see what’s going on (Hey, wanna be friends?).

While the worm we saved didn’t stick around to award us the Badge of Worm Savior, we waved good morning to its tail and went on our way.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Happy Saturday!

It’s weird fact day.

A word that can be its own antonym is called a contronym.  Cleave can mean to sever or to cling. Buckle can mean to fasten (buckle your seat belt) or to bend (the shelf buckled under the weight of all the books)

Ben & Jerry took Penn State’s correspondence class (which is what one did before online classes) to learn how to make ice cream.

You can burn calories in lots of ways. For example, banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour. Sitting still afterward contemplating the pain probably burns about as many.

Cherophobia is the fear of fun or aversion to happiness. That’s sad. Which I guess would make someone suffering from cherophobia happy.

Movie trailers were originally shown after the movie, which is why they were called “trailers”.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We all (and by “all” I mean “all people who like dogs”) know that dogs are wonderful, adorable, and pretty much the best listeners on the planet. But do you know that.

Dogs have three (count ‘em, 3) eyelids. The third lid (the nictitating membrane) keeps puppy’s eyes moist and lubricated.

Speaking of eyes, in ancient Egypt when a pet dog died, its owners would shave their eyebrows off and smear mud in their hair as part of their mourning. Today, most people skip the eyebrow shave.

The sign of the dog in Chinese astrology symbolizes loyalty and discretion with a touch of the temperamental. The Mayans symbolized every 10^th day with the dog which symbolized outstanding leadership skills.

Queen Elizabeth (the 1^st) had a thing for pocket beagles. (Pocket beagles are typically 7-11 inches tall, a height also achieved when one is a beagle/dachshund rescue mix).

Dogs have 18 muscles in each ear. While they have excellent hearing, food often improves their ability to hear and interpret commands.

If they decide to run to you to get the food you’re bribing them with, you might notice that the average dog runs about 19 mph (plus or minus depending on their age, weight, distance involved, and how well you chose the bribe in question).

A group of pugs is called a “grumble.” I have no idea why.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Me: There’s what?
Dad: Bubbles.
Me: In the Ohio River?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Why?
Dad: It’s methane.
Me: There’s methane in the river?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Are the fish gassy?
Dad: What?
Me: Fish eating rice and beans?
Dad: Um, no.
Me: Cows are in the Ohio River?
Dad: Definitely no.
Me: It’s the fish.
Dad: It’s not the fish.
Me: Everybody knows fish blow bubbles. Just ask any kid to draw a fish. There will be bubbles.
Dad: That’s carbon dioxide. It’s not the fish.
Me: So, what’s your theory?
Dad: According to the internet, there are fault lines along the river and they are leaking methane.
Me: That sounds like the basis for a superhero movie.
Dad: Huh?
Me: Fault lines, leaking methane, Superman has to swoop in and plug the leaks!
Dad: You’re weird.
Me: Whatever.
Dad: Also, there are bacteria in the silt at the bottom of the river that release methane.
Me: Why don’t they release carbon dioxide?
Dad: Because that’s not the way it works.
Me: Now you’re just being ridiculous.
Dad: Seriously? You just called me ridiculous?
Me: Weird, huh?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

The other night Dad and I watched a gangster movie. Don’t ask me which one because I have no idea, other than to say it was the one with the gangsters.

I didn’t watch it all that carefully. At one point, Dad even said, “Are you sure you want to watch this? It’s not exactly your kind of movie…” Let’s take one moment to guess who suggested it, shall we?

The point is, I started thinking about Al Capone.

Alphonse Gabriel Capone to be more precise. Scarface to be more colorful. (No, I never saw that movie either.)

Things you don’t know about Al Capone.

He was born in Brooklyn.

He did not like to behave conventionally which caused problems in school until he was about 14. It didn’t cause any problems after that because he was kicked out at that point.

In his early 20s he moved to Chicago where he was an enforcer and a bouncer at a brothel. Capone took his job a little too seriously and contracted syphilis (eventually the syphilis killed him, but that’s later in the story).

Skip the boring parts and…

Lots of people (and by “people” I mean gangsters and people who didn’t want to pay the gangsters) died in Chicago in the early 1920s. This wasn’t a problem for Capone, partly because he organized many of the killings and partly because he forgot to pack his moral compass when he moved to Chicago. (That’s probably an exaggeration, because he likely never had one to begin with.)

When Johnny Torrio (the head honcho and Capone’s boss) decided retirement was the best path to not being dead, he (Torrio) dubbed Capone HBIC (Head Boss in Charge). Capone was 26 at the time he took over.

For Capone, being Head Numero Uno was a most excellent place to be. He went around happily having people killed, managing mafia business (is that the same thing?), buying police and government officials, ordering massacres, selling illegal things, whacking people, running gambling businesses, bootlegging, and generally causing mayhem when he wasn’t giving money to various charities. (Seriously, he had a Robin Hood complex.)

Capone’s organizations sold over $60 million annually in illegal liquor. That’s a lot now. It was even more then.

While the Chicago officials were bought and paid for, national law enforcement was less than thrilled and spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to deal with Capone. But Capone was sneaky (and by “sneaky” I mean he was rich, had good lawyers, and people were terrified to testify against him) and while he bounced in and out of the courts and some detainment cells, he mostly stayed out jails.

Then someone had the great idea to go after Capone for tax fraud. The Supreme Court had ruled that ill-gotten gains were still subject to income tax. And Mr. Capone liked to brag about his income. Which he didn’t pay tax on.

Capone ended up in jail. He started in Atlanta, but he was caught bribing guards (old habits die hard) and he was sent to Alcatraz. After 6 and a half years, he was released to a mental hospital. The syphilis (I told you we’d get back to it) caused neurosyphilis (dementia). Eventually he was released. Then he died.

And while I’ve been writing about Capone, the soundtrack from Chicago has been playing in my mind. Which is a misfit because Capone couldn’t dance. Certainly not Fosse-style.

Love, Mom