Welcome to weed season.
Once again I have issued eviction notices to all weeds on the property.
Once again, the weeds have unionized, issued counter demands, and proclaimed their squatters’ rights.
In previous years, we’ve employed yanking, digging, pulling, glaring, and having the Puppy step on our unwanted guests. It’s been very organic. And ineffective. The weeds have been unimpressed, thanked us for the healthy pruning, and grown back stronger and lusher than ever.
So I’m considering stepping up the weaponry.
My first plan was to recruit an army of worms to chomp the roots of all our weeds. Then, ta-da!, gorgeous lawn.
I put out an ad on Craig’s List for volunteer worms, but only one worm (and three gummies) applied. I decided it would take too long to breed my own Clone Army so I moved on to plan 2.
Plan 2 involved nuclear bombs. But it turns out that A) Lowes doesn’t stock nuclear bombs, and B) most weeds will outlive a nuclear blast. I moved on.
Plan 3 involves trips to the store, consultations with experts, and weed sprays. It will take a while.