Puppy

January 9, 2015

Puppy Conversations | De-Scarfing the Frog and Freezing Weather

Dear Kid,

Me: It’s freezing outside, put on your coat
Every Child That’s Every Lived In Our House: I’m fine.

 

Pi: What is the Puppy doing?
Me: I believe he is attempting open-heart surgery on his stuffed frog
Pi: Open-squeaker surgery?
Me: Right
Puppy: Must. Take. Scarf. Off. Frog.
A tug of war ensues
Puppy: I did it! I did it! I did it! The frog is scarf-free! The froggie is free!
Pi: Look at your toy. What a beautiful toy. Yes it is. Yes it is.
Puppy: Yes it is.
Pi: Yes it is. Can I see it? Bring it here.
Puppy: You want to see my wonderful squeaky frog?
Pi: That’s right, yes it is. Can I see it?
Puppy: Throw the frog Throw the frog Throw the frog Throw the frog Throw the WHAT? You put the scarf back on the frog.
Pi: Fetch!
Puppy: Froggie! Froggie! Froggie! Froggie!
Puppy: Must. Take. Scarf. Off. Frog.

 

Me: Let’s go for a walk
Puppy: Um, no
Me: Come on it’s walk time
Puppy: Um, no thank you
Me: What’s wrong?
Puppy: What’s wrong? Have you SEEN the weather report? It’s COLD
Me: Well, yes
Puppy: It’s colder than cold. It is beyond cold. That is no place for small dogs
Me: I understand it’s cold, but you need to go outside
Puppy: Nope. Waiting for spring

 

Puppy: Want to go home
Me: We just got outside
Puppy: I’m cold and I want to go home
Me: You have certain things to attend to first
Puppy: This is my miserable face
Me: This is my mom face
Puppy: I’m not happy about this
Me: I know

 

Puppy: S-s-s-s-so cold
Me: I know baby
Puppy: D-d-d-d-didn’t like the outside today
Me: I know, come here and let me help you warm up
Puppy: C-c-c-c-cold
Me: I know. Poor you
Puppy: P-p-p-poor me
Me: Yes baby
Puppy: Tomorrow will be better
Me: I’ve got bad news for you
Puppy: N-n-n-n-not happy
Me: I know

 

Stay warm, kiddo. And give the puppy extra snuggles today.

Love, Mom

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December 4, 2014

Puppy Conversations (Sort of) | The Sleep Challenge (Mine)

Dear Kid,

It was a long, long night.

I was awakened at 1:30am by “rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf!!”

To be clear, there aren’t many things I can think of that warrant being woken up at 1:30am. Perhaps, “Mom, I won the election for President of the United States!” or “The baby’s been born” but other than those I can’t think of much.

Even “I have a plate of fabulous chocolate for you” can wait until a more reasonable hour, chocolate shortage notwithstanding.

So “rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf! rrrrr..rwo-arf!” didn’t even make my top 10 list.

After several minutes, I got (groggily) out of bed, stumbled over to the window, and looked out. I expected to see a herd of deer holding an Occupy meeting or possibly a squadron of attack drones. I saw absolutely nothing.

I therefore did what all good moms do: I ignored the puppy (the barking had stopped when I got up) and collapsed back into bed.

Exactly what the puppy didn't look like last night. DearKidLoveMom.com1:47 am

“RRRRWWWooooof! rrrrr..rwo-arf! Wooof Woooof WWWWWoooooffffff!”

I pried an eyelid open. Dad really needed to sleep, so I kindly did not put my foot in the middle of his back and push. Downstairs, the puppy switched from barking to whining when he heard me.

Me: What?
Puppy: Wwooof! Woof!
Me: There will be no barking. What do you need?

I expected him to charge out of his cage. He sauntered. Then he trotted over to get a toy.

Me: Seriously? Show me what you want.

The puppy made sure I followed him as he trotted happily through every room on the first floor.

Me: The middle of the night and you resort to canine-speak? The one time when it would really be helpful for you to talk to me?

So I took him for a walk. It’s cold at 2am in December. There didn’t seem to be any urgency on his part, although he did spend extra time sniffing around our mailbox.

I took him inside, told him he’d been a good doggy for utilizing the outdoors to the fullest extent, put him back to bed, then put myself back to bed.

2:15 am

“Yip!”

“Yip! Yip!”

“Yip!!!”

I went back downstairs. This time he was clear.

Puppy: You put me away without breakfast
Me: It’s the middle of the night. No breakfast
Puppy: I would like breakfast
Me: I would like to sleep. Guess who wins?

So I curled up on the sofa, the puppy curled up on his favorite pillow, and we slept.

I’m still wondering if he heard something outside, if his clock was off, or if he just wanted to sleep on his pillow.

Doesn’t really matter. I explained that this was not a game I approved of and we ran him like crazy today to tire him out.

I hope. Must. Go. Sleep.zzzzzzzzz

Love, Mom

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December 1, 2014

Puppy Conversations | Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Leftovers

Dear Kid,

But you MIGHT drop something DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: That smells delicious
Pi: It’s my dinner
Puppy: It smells so good
Pi: I will share the smell with you
Puppy: I would like you to share some of your dinner with me
Pi: Not going to happen
Puppy: But you might drop something
Pi: You know I love you, but you are invading my personal space, mister
Puppy: That’s where the best smells are

 

Puppy: Mom!
Me: Yes, sweetie
Puppy: People are eating
Me: Thank you for that news flash
Puppy: I would like to be eating
Me: You already had your dinner
Puppy: That was a very long time ago
Me: That was just ten minutes ago
Puppy: I said it was a long time ago. Besides, that was that food and this is this food. And I would like some of this food.
Me: That is unfortunate
Puppy: But. It. Smells. So. Good!
Me: Yes, it does
Puppy: I think my nose is going to explode

 

Puppy: You’re eating leftovers!
Me: Yes, we are eating Thanksgiving leftovers
Puppy: I told you you’d never be able to finish all that food without my help
Me: But now we have delicious leftovers
Puppy: How come I’m not included in the “we”?
Me: Because you’re a puppy
Puppy: You call me a people. You tell me I’m part of the family
Me: I think we’ve had this conversation, haven’t we
Puppy: But it didn’t end with me getting any food
Me: Do you think there is going to be a different ending this time?
Puppy: There might be. I will supervise the eating. And the dropping on the floor

 

Dad: Booker, come!
Puppy: Something fell on the floor! I’m coming, I’ll be right there! Running as fast as I can!!!
Dad: Right there
Puppy: Where? Where? Where? All these smells are confusing my nose!
Dad: Right there, silly
Pi: What are you feeding him?
Dad: A tiny piece of turkey fell
Puppy: I found it! I found it! It is delicious! It’s a feast! I love it! All cleaned up!
Me: I’m glad you enjoyed it
Puppy: May I have some more?
Dad: Check in with me next Thanksgiving

Happy December, kiddo!

Love, Mom

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November 27, 2014

Puppy Conversations | Puppy Talks Turkey

Dear Kid,

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: Making stuffing
Puppy: That smells delicious
Me: Thank you. That’s high praise from someone who eats poop
Puppy: I would like some stuffing
Me: The stuffing goes inside the turkey
Puppy: I think the stuffing should go inside the Booker
Me: The stuffing does not go inside the Booker
Puppy: But, mom…
Me: Yes?
Puppy: I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but the turkey is DEAD
Me: I had a pretty good idea about that
Puppy: So it can’t eat the stuffing
Me: True
Puppy: I can eat stuffing, so stuffing should go in the Booker
Me (pointing): That’s where the stuffing goes
Puppy: Ew. I don’t think the turkey will like that
Me: As you pointed out, he’s dead
Puppy: Still, very undignified
Me: You’re adorable
Puppy: Yes, and I would like some stuffing

 

Puppy: Mom, will you tell me about Thanksgiving?
Me: Thanksgiving is a day to watch football, eat yummy food, be with friends and family, and be thankful for all the things we have
Puppy: I’m thankful
Me: What are you thankful for?
Puppy: I’m thankful for being rescued, and I’m thankful for my toys and my big pillow, and I’m thankful for being your puppy
Me: We’re thankful for you, too. It’s good to have you as part of our family
Puppy: You mean “pack”
Me: I mean pack
Puppy: I would still like some stuffing

 

Puppy: What is THAT?
Me: That is the cooked turkey
Puppy: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
Me: No. Puppies do not get turkey
Puppy: Whaaaat?
Me: Puppies do not get turkey
Puppy: But I was planning to be thankful for turkey!
Me: Sorry, baby
Puppy: You’ll never finish all that without my help
Me: I’ll take my chances

 

Puppy: When are you going to drop some turkey on the floor?
Me: Wasn’t planning to drop any on the floor
Puppy: When are you going to drop green beans on the floor?
Me: Wasn’t planning to drop those either
Puppy: When are you going to drop sweet potatoes on the floor?
Me: Honey, I’m not planning to drop any food on the floor
Puppy: But you might
Me: I’m not planning to
Puppy: But you might accidentally
Me: It’s possible
Puppy: I’ll wait

 Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Love, Mom

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November 19, 2014

Puppy Tries to Fly to Avoid Touching Icy Ground

Dear Kid,

It snowed the other day here.

That’s not big news since it snowed pretty much everywhere including on several tropical islands.

Tal was absolutely beside herself (which is difficult) seeing snow for the first time. She loved seeing the puppy’s paw prints in the snow—too cute.

Speaking of the puppy, he went nose first. During the early morning hours, a deer had crossed in front of the house and gone down the driveway. Booker stopped to sniff each hoof print, run a DNA analysis, and file the information. I’m sure it was all very accurate, but there were a lot of hoof prints, so the process took a while.

I wonder what he thinks when he does all that sniffing.

“I wasn’t just sniffing. I was securing the perimeter.”

I thought about asking how his nose could secure the perimeter, but then decided perhaps it was better not to inquire.

By this morning, most of the remaining snow had turned to ice (due to the melting and refreezing action of pressure from tires—see the things I remember from high school physics?). The ice did not please our furry friend who attempted to solve the problem by walking without any of his feet touching the ground.

Of course, trying to levitate took most of his attention so he wasn’t getting around to doing the things a puppy goes outside in the morning to do.

Finally we discovered an actual bit of grass where said business could be attended to and the Great Blockage of 2014 was avoided.

Hope you’ve thawed somewhat by now.

Love, Mom

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November 16, 2014

Puppy Conversation | Ricky the Yorkie Comes to Visit

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mom
Me: Yes, baby
Puppy: I think that’s a dog
Me: Yes, sweetie, that’s Ricky
Puppy: He’s very small
Me: Yes, he is very small, why don’t you come say hello?
Puppy: I would like to say hello
C: Ricky, darling, I’m not going to feed you to Booker. Say hello nicely
Puppy: It smells like a dog, but it’s a very small bit of fluff

You woke me up from a nap for a photo shoot? DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: I think it’s not a dog
Me: His name is Ricky
Puppy: Ricky is not a dog
Me: I thought you said he smells like a dog?
Puppy (whispering): He’s on the furniture. Dogs aren’t allowed on the furniture
Me: So what do you think Ricky is?
Puppy: I’m not sure. He’s not a moose.
Me: I agree with you there. He is not a moose.
Puppy: And he’s not a cat
Me: True. Definitely not feline
Puppy: He’s either a water buffalo or a purse
Me: What?
Puppy: I’m pretty sure he’s one of those
Me: Stick with being cute

Puppy: I like Ricky the Purse
Me: You decided he’s a purse?
Puppy: Yep, I figured it out because Auntie C carries him all the time.
Me: And that makes him a purse?
Puppy: Well, she wouldn’t be carrying a water buffalo

Puppy: Mom
Me: Yes?
Puppy: I smell food
Me: You always smell food
Puppy: I smell good food
Me: Food always smells good to you
Puppy: I smell THAT food
Me: That’s Ricky’s food
Puppy: I would like some of that food
Me: I understand, but you may not have that food. That food is Ricky’s food
Puppy: But it smells delicious
Me: But it’s not for you. It’s not Booker food
Puppy: That proves he’s not a dog

We had a lovely visit.

Love, Mom

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