Dear Kid,

We take a break from Cruise reporting (there’s more to come – I know you were worried), to talk more about air travel.

Specially, air travel to Las Vegas.

Even more specifically, cheap air travel to Las Vegas.

And by cheap I mean $59 one way.

Which is cheap.

And I do mean “cheap”. Not “a great value”. Not “a low price”. Cheap.

On the flight, the crew came by for drink service. I asked for a cup of coffee. Nope, they don’t have hot coffee, just iced coffee. O-key. But I’d have to pay for a can of iced cappuccino. Um, no.

I’ll just take a cup of water.

They explained that I was welcome to pay for water. I thanked them kindly and mentally patted myself on the back for bringing a bottle of water with me.

Did I mention the cost for checking a suitcase? $50. Yep. Almost as much as the ticket.

On the other hand, I got to Vegas on a direct flight. So did my suitcase. And my water bottle (even though it was empty by the time we landed).

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Part of being on the cruise (as an anniversary present to ourselves) involved pampering ourselves.

Not only did we eat and drink to our happy hearts content, we indulged in pampering activities.

We had a couple’s massage which basically meant we got a massage at the same time and they had us hold hands at the very end. It was Dad’s first massage ever. He seems unscathed. Maybe even content.

I went to the Fish Spa in Costa Maya. Do you remember the episode from Victorious where they all go to the place where you put your feet in water and tiny little fish nibble away all your calluses? This was like that except not.

First they scrubbed my feet and shins (clearly this was all about taking off enough skin ahead of time so that the fish would be safe and healthy). Once they’d scrubbed down to sinew, I got to put my feet into the fish-quarium. It felt like tiny vibrations. (I was assured that they fish were not piranhas and wouldn’t bite, just kiss.) It tickled.

The fishies did not get rid of all my callouses. (But it’s not clear that a buzz saw could get rid of my calluses, so I consider it a win.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

In the late 1800s the world decided that it would be a good idea to bring back the Olympics. The idea was that international friendly competition would bring peace, unity, and unlimited marketing opportunities to a world badly in need of all three.

As with most festivals, things got bigger and “better” over the years. Peace and unity got lip service; unlimited marketing opportunity took home all the gold medals and then some.

The first of the modern day Olympics was held in 1896 and the organizers hadn’t had their medal epiphany yet. So the winners got silver medals and an olive branch, and the runners-up got a copper medal and a laurel branch. Very historic.

241 athletes from 14 nations participated in 43 events (9 sports) at the 1896 games in Athens.

At the games in 1900, prizes (like an Apple iphone) were given instead of twigs, branches, and medals.

Somewhere between the turn of the century games and the 1904 games, the IOC agreed that it was too soon to give out Nike contracts to the winners and instituted the medal system.

The current medals represent the first three Ages of Man according to Greek mythology: the Golden Age (when men lived among the gods), the Silver Age (when youth lasted a hundred years), and the Bronze Age (the age of the great heroes). The Age of Consumerism and the Age of iAppleEverything were intentionally overlooked.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Just in case you didn’t get enough info about bronze yesterday (don’t see how that could be possible, but one never knows), I consulted My Friend the Internet and found out a bit more.

The best way to get bronze is to buy it, but if you find yourself in The Wilderness with nothing but some copper and tin, you can make it yourself. If you have the skill, time, heat, and various implements. The recipe is generally 12% tin to 88% copper, but other alloys are often added to make the bronze harder, machinable (yes, that’s a word), and bronzier (that isn’t but should be).

Bronze is used for all sorts of things like statues, third place medals, Age (as in the Bronze Age if you’re too sleepy to figure that one out), and 8^th anniversary gifts (no clue why, but the Etiquette Police say so therefore it must be true).

Bronze has also been used for armor (probably not the finest, but one makes due with what one has), coinage (probably not the most valuable, but one pays dues with what one has), mirrors (whether it’s the finest often depends on who’s reflecting), and bells (because one really can’t sing “Ding, dong the witch is dead” when all one has is a plastic bucket).

Bronze is often used for guitar and piano strings (not at the same time).

Bronze is non-magnetic, but many people are attracted to it anyway.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Today is Old Rock Day.

I don’t know why, but it is.

I’m fascinated by the idea that there might be rocks that aren’t old. Who’s ever heard of a new rock?

For that matter, who determines what “old” is when it comes to rocks?

Q: What happens when you look up geology jokes? A: You know you’ve hit rock bottom! (I didn’t make that up.)

The oldest rock on earth is 4.4 billion years old. They know this because of birth certificate records. Can you imagine the bonfire when that rock has birthday cake?

According to My Friend the Internet, the youngest rocks are on earth are whatever is being spewed out of an active volcano.

The biggest rock on the planet is the one that was in my shoe last night. It’s amazing how our perception of size correlates directly to the length of time a pebble stone boulder is in one’s shoe.

There are probably other interesting facts about rocks, but I couldn’t dig my way through the various sites to find any that I found entertaining. You can consider this a do-it-yourself letter if you’re interested in learning more about rocks.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We don’t have any figs in the house. I know this because I spent 5 minutes staring into the pantry willing them to appear. It didn’t work. We are fig-less.

Fig trees don’t have blossoms. Technically speaking, there are a zillion tiny flowers inside each fruit (you and I call them “seeds”). Regardless, they are yummy.

Or they would be if we had any.

Figs are loaded with calcium, B vitamins, and fiber, which means they are not only yummy, they are quite healthy.

The health benefits are more effective if you eat them. Which I can’t do because we don’t have any.

The early Olympic athletes ate figs as part of their training regimen. Which meant when they looked in the pantry, they found figs.

According to Pliny (he lived a long time ago), figs are not only healthful, they prevent wrinkles.

We still don’t have any figs. Not even a Newton.

I am doomed to an evening of calcium-deficient wrinkles.

Love, Mom