Dear Kid,

In my continuing effort to distract myself from the ridiculousness that is 3 days (arrg!) until graduation, I have scoured the internet to find 25 weirdly fun trivia facts. You’re gonna love it. Trust me.

1. A snail can sleep for 3 years. Proving that snails and college students have a lot in common.
2. Horses can’t vomit. Proving that horses and college students have very little in common.
3. Squirrels can’t burp. Meaning they have very little in common with 3^rd grade boys.
4. Ben & Jerry learned how to make ice cream by taking a $5 correspondence course offered by Penn State. There’s no question that Penn State knows a lot about ice cream. But I’m willing to bet most correspondence classes don’t launch mega-successful businesses.
5. M&Ms actually stands for “Mars & Murrie’s,” the last names of the candy’s founders.
6. The only number whose letters are in alphabetical order is 40 (f-o-r-t-y). Weird and wonderful.
7. “Jay” used to be slang for “foolish person.” So when a pedestrian ignored street signs, he was referred to as a “jaywalker.” Now such a person is referred to as a New Yorker.
8. Tigers have striped skin not just striped fur. Fashion fur-ever.
9. Changes in the English language happen in many ways. After an online vote in 2011, Toyota announced that the official plural of Prius was Prii.
10. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
11. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”
12. Walt Disney was afraid of mice. M-I-C … K-E-Y… Mickey Goat?
13. A crocodile can’t stick its tongue out.
14. There are more fake flamingos in the world than real ones. (Shout out to Joan!)
15. A shrimp’s heart is in its head. Or on its sleeve.
16. All polar bears are left-handed. But they knit right-handed, because that’s important.
17. You can’t hum while holding your nose closed. (Go ahead and try it—I’ll wait.)
18. We all know that no word rhymes with “orange”. But did you know nothing rhymes with “month”? Or “purple”?
19. Maine is the only American state whose name is just one syllable. (You just ran through all 50 states, didn’t you?)
20. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. There seem to be so many things to say, and I can’t think of single one.
21. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe. No one cares.
22. By the time you are 70 you will have drunk over 12,000 gallons of water. I will have drunk the equivalent amount of coffee and Diet Coke.
23. The colder the room you sleep in, the higher the odds that you’ll have a bad dream. This is true, but I’m having a hard time convincing your father.
24. Women have twice as many pain receptors on their body than men. But a much higher pain tolerance. Well, yeah, duh.
25. Your forearm (from inside of elbow to inside of wrist) is the same length as your foot. (You just measured, didn’t you?)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there weren’t any trees. Then there were. Then came Arbor Day.

Arbor Day was created by J. Sterling Morton (President Grover Cleveland’s Secretary of Agriculture) in 1872 because J. Sterling thought there weren’t enough trees in Nebraska (where he lived). That first Arbor Day, approximately 1 million trees were planted. Then there were more trees in Nebraska. But not enough for J. S. so the tradition continued.

Arbor Day dates vary because planting seasons vary by climate. For example, Hawaii celebrates Arbor Day on the 1^st Friday in November because of their planting season, and Alaska celebrates on the 3^rd Monday in May. But (in a happy coincidence), J. Sterling Morton’s birthday was April 22^nd and most states celebrate Arbor Day right around his birthday.

There are about 1,000 types of trees in the US (Red Maple is the most common, followed by the Loblolly Pine [I did not make that up], and the Sweet Gum).

In 2004, the National Arbor Day Foundation (yes, there is such a thing) held a vote for America’s Favorite Tree. It did not include a swimsuit competition. Despite heavy lobbying by the Sweet Gum, the Oak Tree won.

Happy Arbor Day. What’s your favorite tree?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Over the weekend, the Puppy and I did some gardening. To clarify, I did some gardening and the Puppy napped on the grass. It was (in his opinion) a fair division of labor.

While he was napping, a mourning dove was building a nest in one of the evergreens.

In case you are ever reincarnated as a mourning dove, you might want to know the proper methodology for next building.

One: Fly off and find Useful Material for nest building.

Two: Fly back. Land on the driveway.

Three: Holding the Useful Material in your beak, scan the area for predators, marauders, and other birds looking for interior decorating ideas.

Four: Once you’re satisfied that no one is observing, fly up to the Right Branch and begin construction.

Rinse and repeat.

I just loved watching this bird check to be sure no one saw where the next was being built. Mourning Dove in Stealth Mode.

Now I have to think about what to buy as a nest warming gift. Any ideas?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

This past weekend, we went to a college football game (and by “game” I mean the exact opposite of a game in which some people wore some parts of uniforms and some plays were run on an intrasquad basis. Occasionally a rule or two was even followed.)

But it was a beautiful spring day (I know! I was as surprised as everyone else in Ohio) and it was football and we had a lovely time.

You already know this because you took us.

You also know that I asked a question neither you nor Dad could answer (extra points for me). Specifically, I wanted to know what the “H” on the back of one of the official’s uniform meant. No one on the planet knew (and by “no one on the planet I mean neither you nor Dad knew). I spent some time thinking about it.

“Honorary Umpire” was my best guess once I decided that “Heaven Help Us All” and “Hurry Up with the Next Play” Person were out of the running.

But, being the kind of mom I am, I decided to consult MFtI and I am now an expert on football (the American kind) officiating.

Football officiating teams are supposed to operate like a well-oiled hierarchical machine. In order to avoid injury, there are special exercises designed specifically for the officials so that they avoid injury during a sharp blast of a whistle or a crisp yellow card. Oops, wrong football.

Officials are commonly called zebras because of their striped jerseys. (True Interesting Fact: officials used to wear white shirts, but when a quarterback handed college football referee Llyod Olds the ball at the start of a play, Lloyd got out his Sharpie and the shirts were changed. [OK, I made up the part about the Sharpie. The rest is true.])

If you are you, you call the officials Tweetie Birds, which I like even better than zebras. Attention, World: This is an official announcement that we are now referring to Tweetie Birds and leaving the zebras in the zoo.

On the back of each jersey is a letter indicating the role each official officially holds: Referee, Umpire, Head Linesman (AHA! The “H”!—the Head Linesman is now called the Down Judge but not everyone has gotten a new jersey), Line Judge, Back Judge, Side Judge, Center Judge (in Division I football), Field Judge, and Judge Judy.

Over the years the colors of the hats and jerseys have changed, but no one cares except the people who wash the laundry for the officials. (Who does that? Are there official equipment managers?)

The Referee is the Head Number One Supreme Honcho on the football field. Or at least he was until Instant Replay and the New Rules were introduced. Now he’s a figurehead who gets to explain complicated rulings that make everyone unhappy. If he’s in the mood and his mike is working. He’s also in charge of counting the number of offensive players on the field. At least until they start sweating, at which point everyone out there is pretty offensive. (Sweaty Stinky Man Smell times a lot of men. Lovely. Nose plugs given as part of the standard equipment package.)

The Umpire stands behind the defense and also counts offensive players (just in case there are a different number from the other direction). The Umpire is notable for being the only official wearing a vowel (the others have to buy their own vowels). The Umpire position is the most physically dangerous officiating position. The Umpire is also in charge of making sure all the players’ equipment is legal.

The Head Linesman (now called Down Judge) stands with the chain gang crew looking for offsides, encroachment, and other pre-snap fouls. He marks the forward progress of the ball and is the Keeper of the Chain Clip to mark the first down.

The Line Judge stands at the other end of the line of scrimmage from the Down Judge looking for all the same pre-snap infractions the DJ is looking for. The Line Judge also counts the offensive players because apparently the number of players is a BFD and One Can’t Be Too Sure. The Line Judge is also the timekeeper (or backup timekeeper).

The Field Judge is responsible for checking the conditions of the grass. This is a less important on artificial surfaces. He rules on pass interference, illegal blocks downfield, and incomplete passes. He also counts defensive players because there are more than enough people counting the offense. Most importantly, he’s one of the dudes standing at the goal posts when there is a PAT or FG attempt.

The Side Judge rules on dishes like potatoes and asparagus (just think about it for a minute—it’s funny). He more or less does the same thing the Field Judge does but on the other side of the field.

The Back Judge does a lot of the same things the Side and Field Judges do, and he also has the joy of ruling on “delay of game” infractions.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Speaking of Newfoundland (you do remember that’s what we’re talking about, right?),St. John’s is the capital of the province and the oldest city in North America. John Cabot landed there 1497 and by the early 1500 it was a thriving metropolis (and by “thriving metropolis” I mean established outpost).

As we learned yesterday, the Vikings arrived first (even before C. Columbus) but apparently didn’t care for the neighborhood (because they didn’t stay to greet John Cabot and Company).

All kinds of interesting things happened in St. John’s. For example, the first non-stop, trans-Atlantic flight took off from St. John’s (it landed in Ireland, but that’s not what we’re talking about today).

Mr. Guglielmo Marconi (yes, that Marconi) received the first transatlantic wireless message on Signal Hill in St John on December 12, 1901. (The test signal was sent from Poldhu, Cornwall, 3,200 kilometers away but that’s not what we’re talking about.)

It’s cold in St. John (so take a coat). The lowest temp ever recorded there was-18.1 C (-1 F) on March 9, 1997. The place still hasn’t thawed out.

Do you know what the oldest continuous sporting event in N America is? No, it is not Black Friday shopping. It is the St. John’s regatta which is held on the 1st Wednesday of August (appropriate apparel includes parkas, mittens, and Uggs.

The airport in St. John’s is a BFD. At one time (right around the time of the dinosaurs or possibly the 1940s and 1950s), it was the busiest airport in the world. Turns out that most planes couldn’t make the transatlantic flight from NYC to London without refueling. Since there aren’t any gas stations mid-Atlantic, planes would stop at Gander International Airport (airport code YQX—go figure) to refuel.

Gander played an important role on the World Stage in 2001 when 39 aircraft were diverted to there on 9/11. Over 6,000 people were “adopted” by the citizens of St. John, proving once again that Canadians are much nicer than most humans. (The travelers remained there for three days until airspace reopened.)

So, just in case you’re traveling northward, have a wonderful and safe trip.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

If you’re a well-traveled person, having visited all 50 of These Here United States, you might look around and think “what next?” And you might be bold enough to answer yourself, “How about all the provinces in Canada?”

You might then contemplate your past travel and realize that while you’ve been to many of the provinces, you’ve never been to Newfoundland. And then you might book tickets pronto.

In case any of that happened to you (or to anyone you might happen to know), you might want to learn a bit about Newfoundland before you go. If you’re not the one going, you might wish to learn about Newfoundland anyway.

Fortunately, I am here to help (you are so lucky to have me!).

Newfoundland (please pronounce the end as “land” not “lund”) is officially Newfoundland and Labrador (yes, the dogs were named for them). 94% of the population lives on Newfoundland–Labrador is bigger, but not so populated. Newfoundland was its own country until 1949 when it joined the Maple Leaf.

Fabulous Bizarre Fact #1: Saint Pierre and Miquelon is physically within the province of N&L but is officially part of France. Two countries for the price of one!

Fabulous Bizarre Fact #2: N&L is so cool it has its own time zone–and it’s one of the super cool time zones that is 30 minutes different than its neighbors.

Newfoundland is an island (a big one, but still an island). It also has a weird sense of humor when it comes to naming cities: Conception Bay, Heart’s Desire, Heart’s Content, Dildo (you get the idea).

Newfoundland and Labrador has its own dictionary because the language and dialect are so diverse (I am not making that part up). Maybe those city names mean something different in their dictionary.

Fabulous Bizarre Fact #3: Christopher Columbus was not the first European Dude to discover North America. Turns out the Vikings wandered into L’ase aux Meadows at the very northern tip of the island waaaay before C’bus ever thought about getting his passport stamped.

Speaking of things that aren’t right in the history books, it turns out the Germans landed in North America during WWII. In Newfoundland and Labrador. On October 22, 1943, a German sub landed on Marin Bay and set up a remote weather station. Did you ever learn about that in school? Neither did I.

Love, Mom