Dear Kid,

Just in case you weren’t sure about the story of Hanukkah (or Chanukah), I have decided to summarize it for you. I’m just that kind of mom.

Once upon a time it was a really long time ago. We know it was a long time ago because the years were still counting down to zero.

In Syria there was a king. This is not surprising since pretty much everywhere had a king. But this particular king was lacking in both some of his marbles and all of his manners. King Antiochus IV (for that was his name), demonstrated both lacks by trying to convince everyone that his religion was the Only Religion. This didn’t work out really well for the Jews who were quite happy remaining Jewish thank you very much.

Antiochus IV responded by employing the time honor diplomatic tactic of killing thousands of Jews. The Jews responded by objecting and inventing latkes. No, that came later.

Intrigue, murder, murder, intrigue.

Eventually, a gaggle of Antiochus’ bad guys betook themselves to the village of Modin where they built an altar and demanded that everyone offer sacrifices to the Greek gods. Enter Mattathias the Hasmonean, his sons (including Judah Maccabee), and a bunch of other folks. Mattathias and his sons killed the bad guys, destroyed the altar, and invented latkes. Nope, still later.

Mattathias and his sons et al. fled to the hills where they bought condos and established a revolutionary outpost. Without latkes because we haven’t gotten to that part of the story yet.

War, battles, ridiculous odds, and after Judah and Company won despite being outrageously outnumbered, they liberated Jerusalem.

The temple in Jerusalem was a disaster. The Maccabees et al. cleaned and rededicated it. But they found only a tiny bit of oil that hadn’t been defiled. Catastrophe! And it would take 8 days to press and prepare more oil. (Math note: 8 days needed is greater than 1 day available supply.)

Then—wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles—the oil lasted for all 8 days. And latkes were invented.

You may note that nowhere in the story are presents mentioned. That’s just a modern day bonus.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Continuing our theme of Thanksgiving food (hadn’t noticed the theme? We talked about Weird Thanksgiving foods and apple pie so far this week), it seems time to talk turkey about turkeys.

Assuming you’re having turkey and not pizza, that is.

Since it’s Thanksgiving, it’s a good bet there is a bird in your near future. It’s also a good bet that many people will hack their bird to unattractive pieces.

Speaking as a hacker, I can attest to the truism that bird tastes just as good no matter how pretty the slices are.

But as many people are quick to point out, we also eat with our eyes, and there are extra points for pretty.

So, being the kind of mom I am, I found a great video of How to Carve a Turkey just for you.

Now you know. So next year, you can plan to carve the bird.

Love, Mom

More about Turkeys from DearKidLoveMom.com

Weird Thanksgiving Food, Pizza, and Talking Turkeys

Puppy Conversations | Puppy Talks Turkey

Happy Almost Turkey Day | How DKLM Helps in Office Trivia

Turkey Tryouts | How to Pick the Best Bird

Happy Thanksgiving | 12 Things You Always Wanted to Know About Turkeys

Turkey and Technology

Don’t Let the Turkeys Get You Down

Puppy Conversations | Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Leftovers

The Discovery of Tryptophan, Leftovers, and a Good Nap

Eating Through Canada | Wonder of Wonder, Meal of Meals

Weird Thanksgiving Facts

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as apple pie. That was because no one had ever eaten an apple. Then Eve took a bite and said, “Well, now I know what to do with all that pastry.” See? It really was the tree of knowledge.

Ever since then, people have been baking apple pies of various and sundry varieties.

Mrs. Joe Neanderthal was not a huge fan of pies. When one of her children started whining for an apple pie, she put an apple on his head, smashed it down, and said, “Pie-shmy.” Incidentally, that was how apple sauce was invented.

Other people love apple pie, no matter what shape it’s in. Round pie, square pie, McDonald’s (a pie shape unto itself), apple pie is as American as, well, apple pie.

In a highly scientific survey, I have determined that the most popular apple pie (according to Most Americans) is the one in front of them. Followed closely by the one behind them.

The only thing the different kinds of apple pie have in common is “apples.” Other than that, they are as different as can be.

Some apple pies have two crusts. Some have one. Some have one and a half (a lattice). Some don’t really have a crust at all, more of a crumble top (I like those best). Some have cinnamon (we don’t speak of the ones that don’t). Some have raisins (YUM!). Some are fried. Some are made right in the apple (which seems like cheating to me).

Some have bourbon (Yum!), some have caramel (Yum!). Some are deep dish, some are more tart-like, some are in a traditional pie plate.

Some are served with whipped cream, some are served with ice cream, some are served with cheddar cheese, some are served with coffee (yay!).

According to my research, there are only two possible problems with apple pie. 1. It almost never has chocolate in it. 2. It might not be served.

All in all, apple pie is a pretty good way to eat your fruit.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Because we’re a crazy sort of couple, Dad and I stayed home and watched Free Birds a few nights ago. Very cute movie. The basic premise is that a couple of turkeys travel back in time to the first Thanksgiving to make sure turkey is not on the menu.

After a series of adventures, the turkeys win and deliver pizza from the future to the first Pilgrim feast.

Which started me thinking about odd Thanksgiving food (you thought I was going to wonder about talking turkeys, didn’t you?).

I understand that many people feel strongly about Thanksgiving and its associated traditions. I’m all for tradition, but I like the idea of contemplating something new. And since “new” and “food” go together beautifully in my world, I turned to my good Friend the Internet for inspiration.

Let me tell you, there are a lot of weird ideas about weird Thanksgiving food out there. There are some things that sounded interesting and (duh) some things that sounded downright wrong. Like turkey gravy cupcakes.

Let me be really clear: savory cupcakes are great if you like that sort of thing, but gravy does not belong in a cupcake. Not now. Not ever. Because I said so. (Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down as a mom.)

Also the Thanksgiving Dinner Cake sounds like a bad idea. The basic recipe is turkey meatloaf which you bake in round pans and use as the “cake”; stuffing for the “icing” between the layers of meatloaf; regular mashed potatoes as “icing” on the sides of the cake; sweet potatoes as the “icing” on the top of the cake; and (of course) mini marshmallows on top of the sweet potato layer. Actually, this sounds like a great idea for dealing with leftovers if you have children under 10.

On the other hand, the idea of Thanksgiving sushi rolls sounds really good. A little turkey, a little sweet potato, a bit of cranberry, and a bit of love all rolled up in a rice and cut sushi-style. How bad could it be?

Apple cider mimosas sound like an idea worth trying. As does doing something with butternut squash. Don’t know where we’d fit another side dish, but I like the idea.

I found a recipe for soft pretzel stuffing which sounds like a great idea because the bread won’t get mushy.

What do you think about pumpkin cornbread served warm with honey? I think YUM.

The photo of stuffed Brussel sprouts (like stuffed mushrooms only greener) almost makes me believe these little babies are low cal and healthy. (I’m pretty sure it’s a rule that you can’t do healthy on Thanksgiving).

I did not find anyone suggesting salmon (although I think that would be a great Thanksgiving food). Nor did I find any suggestions for pizza. Pizza makes a lot of sense since the national religion of Thanksgiving is overeating and football.

Maybe the turkeys got it right after all.

Love, Mom

The turkeys shared pizza. You can share DearKidLoveMom.

Dear Kid,

Dad and I went to the crafts fair at the high school yesterday. As always, it was mobbed and various school bands and orchestras played in the background. (Stick with me, you’re going to like this one.)

We wandered around looking at various crafts, purchasing a few pieces of jewelry, sampling various homemade yummies, and basically having a good time.

My friend Ann was there selling chocolate covered treats (hi Ann!).

Near the end of our wanderings, we rounded a corner and I said, “Oh, my.”

The two ladies sitting at the table burst into laughter. “That’s the best response we’ve had all day,” one of them told me through her giggles. It must have been my tone of voice. Or possibly the reaction they’d gotten from other visitors.

The thing is, they were selling spiders.

Yep, spiders.

And you know how I feel about arachnids.

But these were glittery spiders and they came with a story (an 1800s German folk tale to be precise). A little bling and a good story go a long way in my book.

I’ve lifted the pix from their website (visit it here) because I took a great shot of their table that came out as nothing but blur. (We’ve discussed how not-good I am at photography. Where’s Beth when you need her?)

Here are the photos:

And here is the story (which makes the spiders much, much better):

Once upon a time (because all the best stories start that way), a mother was busy cleaning her home for Christmas. The spiders (not being stupid) skedaddled (not a German word) out of the way of her broom and up to the attic to hide. Apparently, the mother wasn’t too concerned about the cleanliness of the attic. Truth be told, neither am I.

When the house was quite, the spiders slowly crept downstairs to see the beautiful tree. (Ooooh, ahhh.) Being excited and being spiders, they scurried up the trunk of the tree and out each of the branches.

This suggests that there were more than the usual number of spiders but since this is a fairy tale we shall overlook the mother’s infestation and move on.

The spiders were filled with happiness at being in the tree and it leaked out in the form of spider webs. The spiders spun and danced through the night, leaving their webs everywhere.

At his appointed time, Santa showed up with gifts for the children. (Can anyone explain how he manages to scoot up and down chimneys without getting soot anywhere? Dad can’t even come in from outside without tracking mud into the house.)

When Santa saw the tree covered in spider webs, he smiled at the happiness of the spiders. Apparently, he was a fan of the eight-legged. But he knew that the mother would be upset if she saw her beautiful tree covered with dusty webs (not sure how they got dusty so quickly, but in this story, they did). So, being Santa and therefore being magic, he turned the webs into silver and gold.

The tree sparkled and shined and was even more beautiful than before (well, duh–if you had magic silver and gold all over you, you’d sparkle and shine too).

And that’s why we have tinsel on our trees and why every Christmas tree should have a Christmas spider in its branches.

I told you it was a good story.

Love, Mom 

Dear Kid,

Happy pre-Thanksgiving weekend. While half the world is out shopping (and the other half is cooking), I slept in this morning. I can’t even begin to tell you how nice it was to roll over and go back to sleep.

You probably know that feeling.

Sleep is a good thing.

But now it is time to wake up, snuggle the puppy, and get going for the day.

Turns out today is Hello World Day. The idea of HWD is to say hello to at least 10 people today. I’m going to a craft show a little later and will do my best to greet at least 10 folks.

There is something spectacular about saying hello (with a smile). When you smile at people, they (usually) smile back.

And smiling makes us feel better. Endorphins go *pop*!

So say hello to people today. Smile at a stranger. And have a great Saturday.

Love, Mom