Dear Kid,

I’m sorry. But I need to hijack this space for a moment.

Dear World,

IT’S AUGUST. Summer. End of Summer. Back to school. Perhaps even pre-fall.

It is NOT (emphasis on NOT) Halloween.

It’s not even pre-Halloween.

So what is with all the ghosts, goblins, and pumpkins?

No one (trust me—I took a completely unscientific poll of absolutely everyone [and by “absolutely everyone” I mean the three people I was talking to over coffee]) has ever been happy when Christmas shows up before Halloween, and even fewer (I threw that in to confuse the math and English lit majors) are pleased with Halloween showing up so early.

Halloween is supposed to be the trusty little holiday with little kids dressed up like their favorite superhero of the moment, trekking through miles of neighborhood begging for candy like the little calorie-deprived darlings they are.

The only fussing we’re supposed to do is whine about how we’ve eaten all the candy we bought and now we have to go out and buy more before the kids come knocking and then we’ll eat half of the candy our own kids collect. Halloween is the reason gym membership goes up in January.

So, World. Please put away the Halloween decorations. Pack up the ghosts and goblins and superheroes for a few weeks. Let us enjoy the last few weeks of Summer.

Or pre-fall.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Today is Book Lovers Day.

Um, why?

There are some things that just seem too obvious to talk about.

I mean, we don’t have a National Take a Breath Day (do we? I don’t think we do). We don’t have a National Blink Your Eyes Every Now and Then Day. We don’t have Love Your Pancreas Day. We just do those things.

So why do we need Book Lovers Day?

In my not so humble opinion, EVERY day should be a book-infused day. Everybody should take time to read on a regular basis. And not just texts (I know people read those on a regular basis. But “C U L8R” is not the same as “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” or “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” (Penalty points if you can’t identify both of those.)

It’s a little different when you’re in college; I get that. You spend a LOT of time (I hope) reading for classes, doing homework, and studying.

Hopefully when you have a break (summer, winter, etc.) you’ll occasionally pick up a book and read it.

Or, maybe since you haven’t started classes yet, you’ll take a moment or two today to celebrate.

Enjoy.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s Friendship Day!

Which means there’s an extra reason to be a good friend. Here are five college budget friendly ways to celebrate Friendship Day.

Hang out with a friend to watch the Olympics. It’s one of those things you can do this year that you can’t do next year. And you can hang with a bunch of friends at the same time—or one or two each day of The Games.

Offer to help. People are moving into apartments or dorms. They’re getting ready for classes. They getting clinical sites ready for the semester. Lend a hand. It’s a great way to spend time together while being a good friend.

Take a friend out to breakfast/lunch/dinner/coffee. You get to spend time with your friend and have a meal at the same time. And if you’re friend takes you out at the same time, finances work out nicely.

Go for a walk. Or a run. Or to the gym. Or (heaven forbid) do the Insanity Workout. Whatever you do to get moving, do it with a friend.

Call a friend you haven’t seen in a while. You remember what “call” means? It’s like texting, except out loud.

Happy Friendship Day! How are you going to celebrate?

Love, Mom

Thanks to Girlfriendology.com for reminding me it’s Friendship Day!

Dear Kid,

Happy Aunt and Uncle Day!

You aren’t one yet, but you have them, so I think we should celebrate.

There are lots of famous aunts and uncles, like Uncle Sam, Uncle Wiggly, Auntie Mame, Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben, Auntie Anne, Uncle Miltie, Auntie M, and Uncle Fester.

You can Say Uncle or be so surprised you become a Monkey’s Uncle.

I will never forget the day I became an Aunt and hearing some very special voices call me “Aunt” for the first time. (You know who are, you wonderful people.)

I am extremely lucky because I have the best of all possible worlds—I am an aunt and I have aunts and uncles.

To those who are and those who have, Happy Aunt and Uncle Day!

Love, Mom

P.S. Don’t forget that tomorrow is Take Your Pants for a Walk Day. (I did not make that up. I made fun of it, but I didn’t make it up.)

Dear Kid,

Some things are better left alone. Some questions just shouldn’t be asked. And yet, I often find myself asking them.

Questions like: What the HECK is Yellow Pig Day?

So glad you asked.

Yellow Pig Day is celebrated on July 17 and it’s all about the number 17.

It was invented in the 1960s (which should explain a LOT). Back in the day, two math students at Princeton were obsessively studying the number 17 (that should explain a little more). They went a little mad (IMHO “mad” does not mean crazy so much as it means something else—did I mention this was in the 60s?) and decided to invent the idea of a yellow pig with 17 toes, 17 teeth, 17 eyelashes, etc.

Creating new and prime creatures is not generally considered a sound way to launch a career, but it seemed to work for those two.

Yellow Pig Day is sometimes celebrated on May 17^th (stick with me here: May is the 17^th month of the previous year). Other mathematicians have gone “a little mad” and not felt any trouble bending the Gregorian calendar to fit their own needs.

If you feel the need to celebrate Yellow Pig Day, I suggest eating yellow food and wishing those around you a happy Yellow Pig Day.

I do not suggest oinking or inventing new ways to interpret the calendar.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Have you ever noticed that no one sets off fireworks on your birthday? They don’t on mine either.

And yet, as we celebrate America’s (faux) birthday (read about the faux-ness here), there will be plenty of fireworks.

And hot dogs. And beer. And concerts.

And more fireworks.

And rain. Lots and lots of rain. At least in our neck of the woods.

Which will make the aforementioned festivities much less festive.

Or at least soggier.

Now, just because the forecasters are predicting rain does not necessarily mean rain will arrive. Weather forecasters are notoriously good at being wrong. And still keeping their jobs.

Also, this is Southwest Ohio. So when they say “rain” they might very well mean sleet. Or tornadoes. Or purple unicorns.

Personally, I’d be in favor of unicorns, purple or otherwise.

Regardless of the weather (or lack thereof), my hope is that our country continues to thrive and provide freedom for many, many, many years.

Happy Fourth of July, Kiddo.

Love, Mom