Dear Kid,

Once upon a time (by which I mean in England in the 1700s which is before even your grandfather was born) the term “lame duck” referred to stock brokers who couldn’t pay their debts. I don’t know why. Those British, you know.

Then the term carried over to people (in those days, men) who were completely bankrupt but would continue to do business.

Back in the Old Days (and by “old days” I mean before hashtags were invented) of the United States, there were 13 months (count ‘em—over a year) from the time a congressperson (man, in those days) was elected until the time he took office. Which meant a long time during which he was neither campaigning nor particularly beholden to his constituency. This time was called a lame duck session of congress.

On the plus side, this meant that congressmen could get on with the business of governing. On the downside, it meant that many people (men, mostly) considered that these folks didn’t have any real power since they’d been booted out of their jobs.

An awful lot of people are confused as to just what is meant by a lame duck Congress. It’s like where some fellows worked for you and their work wasn’t satisfactory and you let ’em out, but after you fired ’em, you let ’em stay long enough so they could burn your house down.  – Will Rogers

So back in the 1930s (also a long time ago), people decided that 13 months was just waaaay too long. And they decided to pass the 20^th Amendment to the Constitution to shorten the “lame duck” period from 13 months to 2 months. Which meant the waterfowl didn’t need crutches for nearly as long.

The Amendment was passed by Congress (not during a lame duck session) on March 2, 1932 and ratified on January 23, 1933. So why am I talking about it today? Because it was Proclaimed by the United States Secretary of State on February 6, 1933 and February 6^th was therefore chose as National Lame Duck Day.

Which is pretty lame if you ask me.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

So it happened.

As we knew (or at least feared) it would.

The groundhog, Mr. Punxsutawney Phil himself, saw his shadow, screeched in alarm, and darted back down underneath his covers, there to stay until 2021.

Perhaps it wasn’t his shadow that so freaked him out. I’m not a groundhog handler, so I can’t be sure.

Regardless, we are likely to have more winter before we have spring. This surprises exactly no one except those of me who were slightly hopeful.

We are continuing to have issues with the Puppy barking at all sorts of unapproved hours. He’s being very closed-snouted about the why of the whole thing.

At first I thought he just decided that he’s too grown up and doesn’t need a crate anymore, but I don’t think that’s it.

‘Tis a puzzlement.

Not an amusing one since it is diametrically opposite sleep. Which we like. A lot.

Between the additional winter and the less than standard amount of sleep, you have fairly cranky parents.

You’ve been warned.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Tomorrow is rodent day! Our favorite nose-twitching prognosticator will be yanked from his cozy blankets and shoved out into the cold, then asked to predict the next 6 weeks of weather.

Who thought this up? (Don’t get me wrong—I still want to go to Punxsutawney, but being woken from a deep sleep and thrust into the frigid outdoors is not likely to make the groundhog want to deliver good news.)

On the other hand, at least Phil has a good winter coat. A prairie dog or mouse would be a definite fail.

But what if other rodent-types were eligible for the job? Can you imagine the reality show this would have made?

Competing over the next six weeks, rodents from various walks of life will vie for the opportunity to win a year’s worth of food and the title of Prognosticator in Chief. Vote for your favorite on social media using the hashtag #WeatherRodent. This week, chipmunks, squirrels, and marmots compete. Next week, mice, rats, gerbils, hamsters. During the season we’ll also see lemmings, voles, guinea pigs, and porcupines!

Now let’s meet our judges, Mr. Hawk, Mr. Owl, and Ms. Coyote. Hmmm….looks like none of our contestants are eager to go first….

OK, maybe not my best idea ever.

Love, Mom

Happy First Day of February! Making 2017 a Good Year One Day at a Time

Dear Kid,

Today is Spouse’s Day.

You do not yet have one of those.

I do.

And while the idea of Spouse’s Day is a little weird, it’s also kind of a nice thing.

It’s nice to have a day to say “I love you.” I try to remember to say that every day (sometimes even more than once a day) but Life has a habit of getting in the way.

There are chores to be done and meals to be made and puppies to be walked and clothes to be washed and work to be finished and dishes to put away and…

Sometimes we need a tap on the shoulder.

A gentle reminder to say “thank you” or to take time for a hug.

So I hope you’ll excuse me if I cut this note short so I have time to give my Sweetie a quick hug.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Today is going to be a terrible night. I had eat dinner this morning (or is it breakfast this evening?) because I was running early for play.

With shoes on my hands, I…

ENOUGH!

Today (it turns out) is National Opposite Day. And it is really, really hard to write in opposites and actually say anything. (Although perhaps the point of Opposite Day is to write and say nothing. In which case our elected officials [and lawyers] near and far should embrace today as their national holiday.)

Mostly, National Opposite Day is celebrated by children and people who like to eat breakfast at dinner time. Which I do.

Which means I have to decide between an omelet and French toast for supper.

Either way: Yum.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It is a great day to celebrate words.

The present moment is most precipitous for honoring the various parts of speech.

Whoo-hoo for the lingo.

What a remarkable time for terminology!

Just a sec while we pause at this juncture of jolly jargon.

Now befalls us an excellent occasion for praising vocabulary.

 ‘Tis a momentous minute for lauding the lexicon.

From dawn ‘til dusk, what better than to rejoice in the contents of the dictionary.

Today, January 18^th, is Thesaurus Day. Go ahead, write your own version. And have fun. Enjoy. Make merry. Revel. Party on!

Love, Mom