Dear Kid,

Greetings from a post-Thanksgiving, post-tryptophan stupor.

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as tryptophan. Then Frederick Hopkins (June 6, 1861 – May 16, 1947) invented vitamins, including tryptophan.

Frederick did not have an auspicious academic beginning. He was actually expelled from high school for truancy (which when you think about it makes no sense—you aren’t showing up for school so we’re going to make sure you never show up again. Huh?)

Since he didn’t have a degree (and I kid you not about this) he became an insurance salesman. However, Fred was an ambitious sort of fellow and since he was going to win a Nobel Prize later in life he ate his vitamins (even though they didn’t exist yet) and went to night school. He got a degree in chemistry, worked as an assistant in a criminal forensics lab, and eventually saved up enough money to go to medical school.

In 1901 he discovered tryptophan (which is an amino acid).

He was keenly interested (I’ve been trying to figure out how to incorporate the word “keenly” into a blog—success!) in how cells obtain energy in the metabolic process, and in 1907 he discovered that oxygen depletion causes the build of lactic acid in muscles. (Now are you digging this dude?)

He then went on to discover vitamins (kindly read that word with the British pronunciation since our good friend of the vitamin fetish was in fact British).

He discovered that a diet that only included pure proteins, carbs, fats, minerals, and water don’t make for a healthy animal. He figured out that “accessory food factors” were missing. But the advertising world realized that no one could possibly sell “accessory food factors” and vitamins were invented (especially in the Flintstone form).

The Nobel Committee agreed to take their vitamins and to give him (and co-researcher Christiaan Eijkman) the 1929 Nobel Prize in Physiology for Medicine.

During WWI, Fred was asked to study the nutritional value of margarine. Which he did and discovered it was “inferior to butter because it lacked the vitamins A and D.” Ta-da! Enter vitamin enriched margarine. See how these things happen?

But back to tryptophan.

Tryptophan is an amino acid which is a building block for protein. (Pay attention. There may be a quiz later.) Our bodies (ourselves—you’re too young to get the reference. Let it go.) can’t produce tryptophan but that’s ok, because we get tryptophan from lots of food.

And here’s the kicker: Tryptophan does not make us sleepy.

According to WebMD (along with some weird references to Harry Potter movies), tryptophan doesn’t make us tired until mixed with carbs (of which there are plenty on Thanksgiving). WebMD also suggests that alcohol, relaxing with family, and watching football probably make us more sleepy than tryptophan (with or without carbs). And I put in the part about football, not them.

Since you took your nap prior to the Carving of the Bird, I’m inclined to agree that other factors are more influential than turkey.

Happy Leftover Day!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: Making stuffing
Puppy: That smells delicious
Me: Thank you. That’s high praise from someone who eats poop
Puppy: I would like some stuffing
Me: The stuffing goes inside the turkey
Puppy: I think the stuffing should go inside the Booker
Me: The stuffing does not go inside the Booker
Puppy: But, mom…
Me: Yes?
Puppy: I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but the turkey is DEAD
Me: I had a pretty good idea about that
Puppy: So it can’t eat the stuffing
Me: True
Puppy: I can eat stuffing, so stuffing should go in the Booker
Me (pointing): That’s where the stuffing goes
Puppy: Ew. I don’t think the turkey will like that
Me: As you pointed out, he’s dead
Puppy: Still, very undignified
Me: You’re adorable
Puppy: Yes, and I would like some stuffing

Puppy: Mom, will you tell me about Thanksgiving?
Me: Thanksgiving is a day to watch football, eat yummy food, be with friends and family, and be thankful for all the things we have
Puppy: I’m thankful
Me: What are you thankful for?
Puppy: I’m thankful for being rescued, and I’m thankful for my toys and my big pillow, and I’m thankful for being your puppy
Me: We’re thankful for you, too. It’s good to have you as part of our family
Puppy: You mean “pack”
Me: I mean pack
Puppy: I would still like some stuffing

Puppy: What is THAT?
Me: That is the cooked turkey
Puppy: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
Me: No. Puppies do not get turkey
Puppy: Whaaaat?
Me: Puppies do not get turkey
Puppy: But I was planning to be thankful for turkey!
Me: Sorry, baby
Puppy: You’ll never finish all that without my help
Me: I’ll take my chances

Puppy: When are you going to drop some turkey on the floor?
Me: Wasn’t planning to drop any on the floor
Puppy: When are you going to drop green beans on the floor?
Me: Wasn’t planning to drop those either
Puppy: When are you going to drop sweet potatoes on the floor?
Me: Honey, I’m not planning to drop any food on the floor
Puppy: But you might
Me: I’m not planning to
Puppy: But you might accidentally
Me: It’s possible
Puppy: I’ll wait

 Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see

• Puppy Conversations and Food Observations
• Spring Puppy Conversations
• New Puppy Conversations
• Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside
• Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid
• Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer
• Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness
• Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning
• Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party
• Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of
• Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope
• National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say
• Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal
• The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House
• October is National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month |Puppy Has an Announcement
• Puppy Tries to Talk His Way Out of a Bath
• Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge (vegan) for Breakfast
• Puppy Conversations | Mom Has a Headache and Puppy Tries to Help
• Puppy Conversations | Discussing Halloween
• Puppy Conversations | There Are Strangers in the House
• Puppy Conversations | Ricky The Yorkie Comes to Visit

Dear Kid,

I’ve been thinking we should have turkey tryouts.

It seems to me that most positions require an interview, an audition, or a tryout of some variety. Can you imagine signing up a major league football quarterback without ever seeing him play but just because he has good packaging? (That didn’t come out quite the way I meant it.)

Or hiring a CEO without knowing what he or she had accomplished in the past and making the decision just because the recruiter promises the perfect candidate?

Or casting an episode of NCIS without seeing the guest star act but just relying on an agent’s description?

It would never happen.

Yet we bring in the star of our Thanksgiving dinner based solely on size and packaging. And not even the turkey’s own packaging!

Here is my idea for turkey tryouts.

There will be three categories of competition (within each weight class).

Beauty: Turkeys will parade in the plumage of their choice

Talent: This is the time for turkeys to strut their stuff

Interview: Questions about grubs v grain, should the national bird be changed, etc

And the winner, I mean the loser, gets to join us for dinner!

All of which sounds great until I think about actually getting to know the Dish of the Day (as Douglas Adams would say) at which point I start searching for vegan Thanksgiving recipes.

Maybe we’ll just stick with buying a frozen bird.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You are not going to believe this.

In my search for Truth and Knowledge about The 7 Kinds of Soup Bowls, I discovered that there are 7 Kinds of Cups (not counting the boy-playing-sports kind which I plan to ignore today). There is also the Four Cups of wine theory but not talking about that today either.

Because I am That Kind of Mom, I simply couldn’t leave you not knowing about the 7 Kinds of Cups. So without further ado (oh, who am I kidding? With me, there is generally more “ado” than not), I present to you the Seven Cups.

Let’s start with the most interesting, the Chocolate Cup.

It will probably distress you to know that (in this case) the chocolate cup is not made of chocolate, taking what could have been a Very Interesting Discussion all the way down the Ladder of Interesting and stashing it behind a dusty chair.

Once upon a time there was breakfast which is just about the best thing ever especially when paired with Once Upon a Time. Hot chocolate was made (for breakfast) using unsweetened chocolate mixed with cream into which sugar and hot frothy milk were poured. Because it was quite delicious, cups were big (although they weren’t made out of chocolate). But if you were going to have chocolate at afternoon tea (which is counter intuitive but whatev), then you would drink it from a small cup that would leave you wanting more which you couldn’t ask for because that would be tacky. See how much better chocolate cups made from actual chocolate would have been? Then instead of following strict social standards around tea time behavior we could be discussing how to get chocolate stains out of frocks a la SueAnn Nivens (extra points all around even if you don’t get the reference).

Bottom line. There is such a thing as a chocolate cup (and saucer). We don’t have any in our house. Just grab a mug. Everyone will be happier.

The breakfast cup (and saucer) was invented because drinking coffee out of a thimble is somewhat frustrating. The breakfast cup (and saucer) is small than a mug, so as far as I’m concerned mugs are the way to go at breakfast.

Then there is the coffee cup (and saucer) which is good sized but not as big as a mug or breakfast cup and is used for serving coffee at times other than breakfast and after dinner. We have coffee cups (and saucers) in our house but they have never been used. Just grab a mug.

The after dinner cup (and saucer) is smaller than a coffee cup but bigger than a demitasse cup. It was invented to allow etiquette experts to feel superior since no one else can figure out when to use them. If you were to guess that we don’t have any in our house, you’d be correct.

After a formal dinner, one should serve a low-caf or decaf coffee in a demitasse cup (and saucer). Demitasse is French for “so poor we couldn’t afford a real serving.”

The formal teacup (and saucer) is slightly shorter and wider than the formal coffee cup (and saucer). According to Official Etiquette, tea is too delicate to serve at a formal dinner and is only served at formal luncheons upon request. Clearly, I come from much less delicate stock because as far as I’m concerned (and I’m pretty sure a fair number of people will agree with me), tea can be served at any time. In a mug.

Mugs range in size from “good sized” to slightly smaller than a horse trough. Mugs are used only for informal dining—except in our house where we feel strongly about serving size.

Those are the seven kinds of cups. All the other kinds of cups you see apparently just don’t exist.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s Pumpkin Muffin time again. Yesterday I made my World Famous Pumpkin Muffins, and in a moment of What Was I Thinking I decided to make a double batch. For the record, that’s a LOT of muffins.

With any luck, there will still be one or two waiting for you when you get home.

Did you know that November is National Novel Writing Month? Although I don’t think many people get a novel written in a month. There are plenty of people who can barely get a novel read in a month.

Of course, it’s No Shave November. The original idea behind NSN was not only to raise awareness about cancer by being fuzzy, but that the money that would have been spent on shaving supplies should be donated to help educate people about cancer and/or to help fight cancer.

You are not required to go shaggy in order to donate.

Today is National Cashew Day. No one knows why.

It’s also Eat a Cranberry Day. Don’t know why you’d do that with all the pumpkin muffins sitting here, but to each his own bog.

Can’t wait to see you in a few days.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

“You is tough. Like marshmallow.” Actual Quote

Once upon a time, there were no marshmallows. Then the Oompa Loompas visited Egypt, and bam! mallow plants growing in the marshes were harvested. Back then, it was a honey candy that was flavored and thickened with marsh-mallow sap. So basically it was exactly like today’s marshmallows. The same way that mastodons are like parakeets.

Because the ancient Egyptians made the marsh mallow candy for gods, nobles, and pharaohs, it was a crime for anyone else to eat the treat. The Greeks and Romans were crazy about the mallow. Hippocrates swore by it (get it?), and it was used to cure everything and s’more. (I am hilarious today.) Gladiators used to rub sap from the plant onto their bodies before fights. I have no idea why, but it’s a cool fact.

Until the 19^th century (I remember it well), doctors cooked marsh mallow root juice with eggs whites and sugar, and then whipped it into a frenzy, or at least a meringue. Marshmallows were considered medicinal and used to cure sore throats.

Then modern manufacturing got involved and got rid of all the mallow in marshmallows. (So the only medicinal thing about them today is the chocolate used in s’mores). Marshmallows are now made of yummy goodness like corn syrup (or sugar), gelatin, gum Arabic, a little corn starch, and flavoring. And air. Lots of air. Delish.

Amur-cans eat a lot of marshmallows (primarily stale peeps). To be specific, we eat about 90 million pounds of marshmallows each year. And when you think about the amount of air in each marshmallow, that is a freakin’ boatload of marshmallows.

You is tough. Like marshmallow.

Love, Mom