Dear Kid,

It snowed last night!

After a winter masquerading as A Week in the Tropics, it actually snowed!

There is something wonderful about waking up to the first snow of winter. Especially if you don’t have to race out to be anywhere.

Watching the Puppy dolphin along on his walk, the snow reaching almost to his shoulders, was (almost) better than coffee as a way to get the day going.

There is something clean and perfect about the first snow of winter. It didn’t snow very much, only about an inch and a half (I have no idea what the official people are saying, that’s just what it looks like to me) and every branch of every bush and tree is outlined perfectly in white. The streets are clear (not sure if it was too warm for the snow to stick or if the we-finally-get-to-play-with-our-trucks! road crews got to work spreading melty stuff, but the entire world was in displayed in black and white. (And a little bit of brown puppy fur.)

The best part about the snow is that I am not required to go anywhere today, and I can glance out the window every now and then and enjoy the pretty without the cold, the wet, or the windchill. Dad will probably go out and enjoy those things for me.

Stay warm, kiddo.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s winter.

I know this because the temperature inside our house is negative 6 zillion.

It’s not nearly that cold outside, but somehow our house has the ability to exaggerate temperature. I have no idea where it learned how to exaggerate, since no one who lives here would ever, ever consider even the slightest overstatement.

Think our thermometer can’t register that low? You’re probably right. Perhaps it’s only 4 zillion below zero. Once you get to a certain point, cold is just cold.

I am writing this from underneath 4 blankets and a dog, and I’m drinking a cup of tea. (“Not coffee?” No, it’s a tea sort of night.) The tea is nice and warm. The dog is nice and warm, but not really large enough to share a great deal of warmth. On the plus side, he’s snoring, which is adorable and warms my heart.

Back to tea.

You’ve heard the phrase “I wouldn’t do that for all the tea in China”? Apparently it’s a phrase that is no longer in general usage, but that will not (of course) stop me from asking My Friend the Internet to explain exactly how much “all the tea in China” actually is.

According to Wired, China produces 855,190 metric tons of tea leaf annually. If you’re more concerned about the value rather than the tonnage, Wired figures that is about $1,590,653,400. So basically more than you’re ever going to make in year. Ever. (I have no idea when Wired calculated that, but even if prices have gone down it’s still more than you’ll earn in a year.)

One might not do something for all the tea in China, and right now I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get warm with all the tea in China.

I have no idea how I’m going to survive when actual cold weather gets here.

In the meantime, I’m going to find mittens. And start a small fire right here in my blanket-fort.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We finally have what amounts to Real Snow. The forecasters are predicting 4-7 inches.

Translation for people in Cincinnati: Time to freak out.

Translation for people in Boston: A small flurry.

Translation from Dad: Go put on another layer!

Translation from my cold toes: (unprintable)

Everything here closed down early last night. And by “everything” I mean “my work.” They also closed schools (for today I mean. Yesterday was shut for Prez Day so weather wasn’t an issue.

I am seriously contemplating doing the groundhog thing. By which I mean having taken a look around, I may hide under the covers for the next several weeks.

The grocery stores (I have heard) are out of milk and cereal and bread. Why no one buys emergency supplies of chocolate is beyond me. Maybe that’s the one thing they already have a good supply of?

Rumor has it there are human popsicles on your campus (seriously that phrase cracks me up). Stay warm kiddo!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Well, that silly rodent saw his shadow and we’re in for 6 more weeks of winter. Sigh.

Groundhog Day tradition dates back to 1887, when the first groundhog was introduced in Punxsutawney. The editor of a newspaper of groundhog hunters from Punxsutawney declared Phil was “America’s only true weather-forecasting groundhog.” I was not in Punxsutawney then. In fact, I’ve never been to Punxsutawney, an oversight I will need to rectify one of these days.

Groundhogs (when they are not acting like meteorologists) typically weigh between 12 and 15 pounds, making them smaller than the Puppy. They whistle when they’re frightened or when they are looking for a mate.

Since 1887, Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow 102 times. According to National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) Phil has “no predictive skill.” But according to AccuWeather, Phil has been right 80% of the time. Which is probably more than most meteorologists.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid and Tal (because she asked very nicely if I would explain this to her),

Please note that I am publishing this after Christmas so that anyone who does not wish to have his or her eyes opened has an entire year to erase this from their memory. Also, there is just too much great info about Santa to contain in one blog, so tune in tomorrow for Part II.

Once upon a time there was no such thing as Santa Claus. Then the world was invented and Santa was a byproduct of the Big Bang.

That is one explanation for Santa Claus. (I just invented it, so you know it must be true.)

There are others.

Saint Nicholas of Myra (present day Turkey) was a Greek Christian bishop in the 4th century. He was a very kind and generous soul and was famous for giving gifts to the poor. Nicholas was a wealthy person and did not want people to know where the gifts they received came from (which—as you know—is one of the higher ways of doing good works and repairing the world). As he traveled the country, he delivered gifts to the poor during the night (this is the origin of the phrase “Go to sleep, or the soon-to-be-created Santa Claus won’t come.”)

One famous story about Saint Nicholas (although I have not be able to interview eyewitnesses) is about a poor but pious man who had no money to give his three daughter as a dowry. In those days, daughters without dowries tended to be daughters unwed, and daughters unwed tended to become prostitutes. The daughters had washed their stocking and hung them up (with care) by the fire to dry. Nicholas dropped gold into the stockings and poof! the girls had dowries and the world had a legend.

A tradition sprang up (after Nicholas was dead and had become a saint) of giving children gifts on the evening of his Saint Day (December 6th). As you might imagine, this was quite a popular tradition, especially with the gift recipients. Martin Luther (among others) disapproved of the idea of such a popular interest in saints and thought the focus should be on Christ instead. He managed to move the gift giving to Christmas but St. Nick remained the Bringer of Presents.

If you will travel back with me to the time before Christianity, and if you will hop Over The Pond to Germanic Europe, and if you will look carefully, you will find Odin (remember him?) presiding over Yule time. Look a little to the left—that’s it. See his long white beard? That’s where Santa’s beard came from. And the notion of gift bringing? A little from Saint Nicholas and a little from Odin.

The stockings by the chimney story is partly where the idea of Santa sliding down the chimney came from, but only partly. Odin often visited via Chimney Express. There are other stories too, but they will just complicate the blog so you’ll have to go research them yourself if you’re sufficiently interested.

Then we have the English Father Christmas and the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas (which is Dutch for Saint Nicholas) and (see where this is going?) in an interesting stew of Odin/Saint Nicholas/Father Christmas/some good old US merchandising/and a dash of snow and poof! we have Santa Claus.

Not everyone was a fan of Santa-baby. The Puritans (who weren’t fans of anything fun) made it illegal to mention Saint Nicholas’ name, exchange gifts, light a candle, or sing Christmas carols.

There aren’t many people who miss the Puritans.

In 1917 when the Marxist-Leninist doctrine of state atheism was instituted in the Soviet Union, holiday celebrations were prohibited. Exit Santa stage left. Not a lot of people miss those days either.

Today, some people think Santa represents the Worst of All Things (commercialism, selfishness, greed). These are people who give children underwear as presents when children are expecting Anything Except Underwear. This (as you may know) is Absolutely Not OK in the Mom Book of Giving Presents to Children.

Others are HUGE fans of the Man in Red (and not just because of the gifts). Santa is male, doesn’t carry a gun, doesn’t talk down to people, is “peace, love, and joy” personified, and is still married. Also he has a twinkle in his eye.

More fun facts tomorrow.

Love, Mom

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