Dear Kid,

Yesterday, while taking the Puppy for his morning walk, I discovered that my right rainboot leaks.

Pinkie toe: Um, damp over here.
Me: Quiet. It’s too early for talking toes.
Pinkie toe: Taking on water over here.
The rest of my toes sniggered. No one is nice that early in the morning.
Puppy: I’m nice
Me: True
Middle toe: Ugh, it’s wet in here.
Pointer toe: Start bailing! Ship to shore: SOT!
Me: What?
Pointer toe: Save Our Toes!
Me: Oh, goodness.
Puppy: I have to sniff.
Pinkie toe: Puddle astern!!
Big toe: Man the lifeboats! Scuttle the sock drawer!
Pointer toe: Bail! Bail!
Me: I can’t believe this.
Puppy: I can’t believe you’re not sniffing.
Middle toe: Is it bath time?
Pointer toe: Every toe to their stations!
Fourth toe: Haven’t you noticed that we’re connected?
Pointer toe: Don your SCUBA gear!
Big toe: Did someone actually plan for me to get wet?
Pinkie toe: I thought the point of boots was for us to stay dry?
Fourth toe: You can’t believe every pair of shoes you talk to.
Pointer toe: Heave to! Lower the aft sails! Look lively!
Big toe: There ought to be some sort of celebration before we drown.
Me: There will not be any drowning today.
Middle toe: We could sing.
Me: There will not be any singing before I’ve had coffee.
Fourth toe: I hope there are dry towels at home.
Pointer toe: Raise the jib! Land ho! Keep bailing!
Me: I liked it better when you guys were dry and quiet.
Toes (in unison): So did we!
Puppy: Hey, it’s raining! I’m wet!
Pinkie toe: No one ever listens until it’s too late.
Puppy: Heading for home and dryness!
Toes: Glub. Glub.
Me: The day can only get better, right?

Love, Mom

P.S. Thanks for the title Pi!

Dear Kid,

This is exactly what it doesn’t look like outside.

Which is weird because it’s the middle of December and it’s supposed to be cold.

But Mother Nature is a fickle lady, and we might set a record in Cincinnati for the warmest December 23^rd in the History of the Universe. (Or at least since the weather service started keeping records.)

Mother Nature is not human. We know this because A) she’s older than telephones and B) she keeps looking younger and younger in her pictures. That either makes her a witch or Grandma. Or both.

Mother Nature has always had her portraits drawn to depict her as a gentle, loving, flower-draped young maiden. However, (as far as we can tell) she is gentle only when she chooses to be. At other times she is downright cold and nasty. This is either because A) she’s Persephone’s mother and gets sad when Persephone is away or B) she was Mrs. Joe Neanderthal’s neighbor for a while and learned from the best. Or both.

Ms. Nature and Mrs. Joe Neanderthal had a love-hate relationship from the very start. We’re not sure from the start of what or when the start actually was (there were no timekeeping officials back then). The Start however was quickly followed by The Middle and has yet to reach The End.

The problem seems to have stemmed from Ms. N’s jealousy of Mrs. J. N’s furs (she grew them herself. On herself) and Mrs. J. N’s jealousy of Ms. N’s ability to make severe snow storms.

The love part was that both of them appreciated a good bit of gossip and a good cup of coffee over which to exchange or invent the news. (Coffee hadn’t been invented then, but that didn’t stop them. These were not women to whom one would want to walk up and say, “Excuse me, you seem to be drinking something that you call coffee, but coffee hasn’t actually been invented yet, so you might want to rename that beverage.”)

I told you having temperature this warm at this time of year is weird.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Today’s post is called Booker Bounding Through the Snow because it’s snowing and Booker went bounding.

The good news is the snow is big, fat, fluffy flakes and there is almost no wind. Also it’s warmer than it’s been in the last few days, so it is quite beautiful out. If you saw our street in a movie, you wouldn’t think it was realistic. THAT’s how pretty it is outside.

The other news (see how positive I can be?) is that all those snowflakes have ganged up and there are a LOT of them out there.

The snow is deeper than a Booker’s shoulders (and deeper than an entire Booker in places).

But the soft snow and the nice temps meant the boy was twelve kinds of happy and went bounding – porpoise-style – through the front yard. And the side yard. And the neighbor’s driveway. And to the across the street neighbor’s backyard.

And while it was beyond adorable to watch his long ears flap with each bounce, it was less adorable to climb through the snow banks (which are deeper than a mom’s boots) to fetch him.

Tomorrow I leave for Las Vegas so with luck the snow will not be a problem. (Dear Burglars: Don’t get excited. I’m the only one going. Everyone else will be home including our vicious attack dog. Also, we have nothing worth stealing.)

Have a great day, kidlet.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We finally have what amounts to Real Snow. The forecasters are predicting 4-7 inches.

Translation for people in Cincinnati: Time to freak out.

Translation for people in Boston: A small flurry.

Translation from Dad: Go put on another layer!

Translation from my cold toes: (unprintable)

Everything here closed down early last night. And by “everything” I mean “my work.” They also closed schools (for today I mean. Yesterday was shut for Prez Day so weather wasn’t an issue.

I am seriously contemplating doing the groundhog thing. By which I mean having taken a look around, I may hide under the covers for the next several weeks.

The grocery stores (I have heard) are out of milk and cereal and bread. Why no one buys emergency supplies of chocolate is beyond me. Maybe that’s the one thing they already have a good supply of?

Rumor has it there are human popsicles on your campus (seriously that phrase cracks me up). Stay warm kiddo!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

In approximately 22 days, the Iditarod will start.

Because this is a dog event, I decided to consult our resident canine.

Puppy: What do you mean they are outside for 1,000 miles for a race? That’s crazy!

The Iditarod began in 1973. During the race, teams of 16 dogs and a musher race to the finish. The race frequently involves mushing through huge blizzards, sub-zero temperatures, and crazy winds.

Puppy: Those aren’t dogs. They’re polar bears.

There are 26 or 27 checkpoints along the route (depending on which route is run). Mushers pick up planned supplies at the checkpoints and often rest there (although some prefer to sleep along the trail). There are three mandatory rests along the way. One is a 24 hour layover, one is an 8 hour layover, and then final one is an eight hour stop before the final sprint.

Puppy: See? Polar bears sleep outside. Dogs sleep on pillows.

According to the EPA, temperatures in Alaska have increased 6.3 degrees over the last 50 years (twice as fast as the national average).

This year the Iditarod route is being changed because of low snowfall.

Puppy: There’s no snow for the polar bears? Ridiculous. I’m going to take a nap.

Now you know.

Love, Mom