Dear Kid,

Somehow, someway, we (and by “we” I mean you) managed to defy the odds, conquer the technology, and procure tickets to tonight’s FC Cincinnati game.

The fabulous feat means that A) we get to enjoy the game tonight and B) I get to make several people seriously jealous.

We also get to fight 4 zillion cars to make it downtown in time for the start of the game. Not a problem. I have great faith. Not to mention we’re leaving 6 hours before we need to be there.

OK, I’m joking about the 6 hours. We’re only allowing 5.

Don your blue (yes, it’s a #Blueout), and let’s have fun!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Have you been watching American Ninja Warrior? Probably not.

I could give you a play-by-play, but it would probably sound something like this:

What? Seriously? OMG! How do these people DO this? Humans just aren’t supposed to be able to…WHAT WHAT WHAT? GO! You can do it!

(You don’t have to tell me I’m not cut out to be a play-by-lay commentator.)

I’m so impressed with these athletes. And the women are getting stronger and stronger and going further and further each year. The most amazing part to me is that the competitors all have day jobs. They aren’t professional athletes (OK—a few are professional athletes in other sports—and they tend not to be the ones that go all that far in ANW). But the vast majority are teachers and realtors and doctors and whatnot.

The dedication they have is astounding, and their athleticism is beyond astounding (what is beyond astounding?). This year, the obstacles are more ridiculous than ever. The competitors are having to hold on with both arms (no legs) and then jump over to the next arm hold (still no legs). Do you know how difficult that is??? Crazy.

Just thinking about it makes me want to go lie down for a while.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Yesterday, 18,214 of my closest friends and I went to the FC Cincinnati game. It was my first pro soccer game, so I’m celebrating.

Soccer game? Soccer match? I’m still learning. But either way, we had a great time.

As always, I think it’s important to separate fact from fiction (so I’m labeling things).

Fact: FC Cincinnati is the world’s best professional soccer team. Because I live here. And went to a game. Enough said.

Fact: Their colors are blue and orange. This makes it reasonably easy to go from a soccer game to a football game. Or should I say, from a football game to a football game.

Fact: FC stands for Football Club. I learned that yesterday. Don’t make fun of me for not knowing. There are (undoubtedly) others who don’t know.

Fact: We won!

Fact: It was awesome seeing the look on #11 Danni König’s face after he scored. Priceless. Meant we absolutely sat in the right seats.

Fact: Tickets are affordable. (See: World’s Best Professional Soccer Team.)

Fiction: I look good in orange. Not so much. But I can wear blue, so no problem.

Fact: Mitch-the-Goalkeeper did a great job. Being a Mom-of-Goalie in times past, I say this with confidence. I also think he didn’t have to work too hard which is a HUGE compliment to the defense. (Mitch–hope your eye is OK.)

Fact: The Bailey is where the uber-fans sit. Several fan groups make The Bailey their home, including Die Innenstadt. You didn’t know what Die Innenstadt meant (although you were suitably impressed with my German accent) so, being the kind of mom I am, I looked it up. It means inner city or inner circle. Most Die Innenstadt members are from central Cinci.

Fact: The various fan groups work together to support the team. This is AWESOME and very Cincinnati. (See: World’s Best Professional Soccer Team.)

Fact: Dad ate popcorn. Don’t ask me to explain. I can’t.

Fact: The weather cooperated. Given the weather this spring, I can’t explain that either. But I’m not complaining.

Fact: People at the game were polite. (See: World’s Best Professional Soccer Team.)

Fact: There were no vuvuzelas. #Thankful

Fact: There were talking drums. Love the talking drums.

Fact: While the majority of the FC Cincinnati players are from the US, players also hail from England, Senegal, Denmark, Panama, Jamaica, Northern Ireland, Canada, Guam, Trinidad and Tobago, Germany, and Spain. We only sang two of their national anthems. (Oh, Canada by a men’s group whose name I didn’t catch was fantastic.)

Fact: People should support FC Cincinnati. Even if they don’t look good in orange.

Fact: I look forward to attending another game.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We run to the end of the wall, the wall, we run to the end of the wall.
We run to the end of the wall, the wall, we run to the end of the wall.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, the birds were (somewhere) chirping, and Pi and I were ruining the whole thing by running.

Who thought up running?

And who thought it would be a good (and by “good” I mean healthy) idea to breathe in car fumes and asphalt gasses instead of sitting comfortably on the couch?

Grumble.

We run to the end of the bridge, the bridge, we run to the end of the bridge.
We run to the end of the bridge, the bridge, we run to the end of the bridge.

Canada Goose: Get out of our bathroom.
Me: This is a sidewalk, not a bathroom.
CG: It’s our bathroom. Scram!

We run to the end of the road, the road, we run to the end of the road.
We run to the end of the road, the road, we run to the end of the road.

Pi: Come on, Mom, you can do it! We’re almost there!

Of course, by “almost there” she meant we were about a mile from the gym, where we planned to work out—after which we’d still have to walk home.

We run to the end of the fence, the fence, we run to the end of the fence.
We run to the end of the fence, the fence, we run to the end of the fence.

Pi: How about we sprint a little? We can sprint to the next driveway and then walk two driveways.

We were in a commercial area. Driveways were 6½ miles apart.

Me: How about we sprint to the yellow thingy. (I was feeling tired.)
Pi: The fire hydrant?
Me: Right.
Pi: Okey. Then we can jog to the driveway.
Me: Don’t count on it. (I said that part inside my head. I am not so foolish as to say it outloud.)

We sprinted to the fire hydrant and then jogged. By which I mean she ran really, really fast to the fire hydrant and then jogged. I ran (much less quickly) to the fire hydrant (arriving approximately 3 hours after Pi) and then walked to meet her.

She’s nice like that. She waits for me.

We run to the end of the trees, the trees, we run to the end of the trees.
We run to the end of the trees, the trees, we run to the end of the trees.

We made it to the gym. We worked out. It is possible (but not likely) that I’ll be able to lift my arms tomorrow. It’s even possible that I’ll live through the entire summer of working out with her. But only because working out with me will generally be her second workout of the day.

Which means she’ll be more focused on me. That can’t be good.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Are you aware we’re in the middle of a major basketball tournament? Of course you are because you’re alive and connected to the internet.

And do you know there are weird moments in March Madness? Of course you do, because it’s sports and what sporting event lasts more than 37 seconds without weirdness and tradition? None.

And do you know that even after consulting MFtI, I do not really understand the weirdness associated with March Madness? Of course you do, because you know I am not exactly a huge b-ball fan.

And do you know that there are lots and lots of basketball quotes? Of course you do. Because basketball has coaches and coaches have a gift for being quotable. Or at least a gift for being quoted. Here are three I found that I particularly like.

“There is a lot of basketball beyond our control, but a player should never let anyone try harder than he does.” – Dean Smith

“It is foolish to expect a young man to follow your advice and to ignore your example.” – Don Meyer

“Never give up. Failure and rejection are just the first steps to succeeding.” – Jim Valvano

And one more quote just for fun.

We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.  ~Weldon Drew

Happy March Madness.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

While you were (doubtless) studying on Saturday, I was hanging out with my new BFF Abby Wambach.

Ok, she’s not exactly my BFF because I haven’t actually met her and by “hanging out” I mean listening to her speak at the Women’s Fund event. But I was in the same room and I had a great seat and the rest is semantics. Thank you Girlfriendology for the great ticket.

It will not stun you to learn (and by “learn” I mean be reminded) that I don’t take shorthand. [Do kids these days even know what shorthand is?] So I cannot replicate the afternoon verbatim. But I can share some of the highlights.

First a couple of people from the Women’s Fund spoke. The Executive Director talked about understanding the economic situation so many women find themselves in. Best quote: It’s not enough for someone to occasionally beat the odds—we need to change the odds.

Then a woman told her very inspiring story of making it from a high-school drop out single mom to where she is today.

After that we learned a little more about the Fund’s work and then two young ladies were introduced. They’d been chosen (via a big contest) as the biggest Abby Wambach fans. A-dor-a-ble. Even better because they got to talk about why they love her and then introduce her. She hugged them. We all kvelled.

Here’s what I think about Abby: she’s pretty amazing. She’s not the slickest person you’re ever going to meet (thank goodness!). She’s real. She knows who she is, she’s comfortable with who she is, she knows that All is not Right in the world, and she’s Taking Steps to do what she can do. She’s real and I loved it.

She’s also angry. Angry that she—the best soccer player in the world (repeat: the world. The entire freakin’ world) was payed bupkis and the pretty dang good men (but not even close to the best) were payed ridiculous sums. NOTE: She should be angry. It is not even close to right.

Some of my favorite moments from hearing her talk.

Speaking to a group of little girls at a soccer event: I want you to feel you’re actually equal to the boys—because you are.

Talking about how to make the group more successful even if you’re one of the standout players and learning leadership from Mia Hamm (“You’ve heard of her? Yeah, she’s pretty good.”).

About the 2011 World Cup when the American women lost and having to “find different things to do to not have the same outcome.” Think about that. The best player in the world saying I have to be even better, I have to question myself, I have to work harder, I have to try different things. Impressive.

On teamwork: We have to figure out ways to inspire each other.

She talked for a bit about the relationships we have with our devises rather than each other. Kids are not learning how to connect as people. (Hopefully, there are more houses like ours where no one would dare come to the dinner table phone in hand.) She also talked about the very real problem that what we see on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. is the edited version. We delete the ick photos. Which is fine—except then people often have a skewed vision of the world in which everyone is perfect—except them (enter emotional problems, stage left).

Her biggest message was about gender pay equality. Basically, women not getting paid anything near what men are being paid. Personally, I find it revolting that in 2017 we are having this conversation. Not that we’re having the conversation, so much as that we have to have it. How is it possible that equal pay is not a done deal? How is it possible that paying women the same wages we pay men is not something we do everywhere? How can this still be?

Abby: We don’t have to pay women more. Just pay men less. That will get their attention.

The room was stunned. I think at first we were all shocked that someone would even contemplate paying men less. Then we tuned into the reality of the statement. Yep, that would get men’s attention all right.

I consulted My Friend the Internet. Not only are professional women athletes underpaid compared to their male counterparts, female athletic trainers are also underpaid. And underpromoted (hello, glass ceiling).

Think this doesn’t impact you because you’re male? Of course you don’t because you are a wise child. But in case you’re not sure, it impacts everyone.

Look up, lean in, pay attention. Perhaps right now you can’t do anything except be aware. You’re a college kid, I get that. But as you move forward, as you meet different people, as you hold different roles, be cognizant of what you can do to change the status quo and create a new reality.

Love, Mom