Dear Kid,

Sometimes one wonders. Sometimes one knows for sure. I know that Dad and I are Sweeties. But sometimes it’s not easy to remember.

Then he goes and pulls a Grand Gesture and reminds me all over again why he’s such a great hubby.

Just for the record, trying to pilot a tandem kayak when it is clearly my job to pilot the craft is not what I’m talking about.

Having our cabin on the cruise decorated for our anniversary and a cake waiting when we boarded is.

So is sneaking up to the art auction to buy a Romero Britto. (I felt quite comfortable investing in three Britto magnets for about $6 each when we were in Miami. He surprised me with a limited edition piece of art for me. Grand Gesture!)

Here’s the fun part. He didn’t tell me he’d purchased it. During dinner (Valentine’s Day, no less) he told me about the auction, described some of the pieces for sale, told me about some of the sky-high and waist-high prices, and talked about some of the auctioneer’s antics. After dinner, he wanted to show me some of the pieces he described, so we went by the art gallery. He pointed to a Britto that I’d previously admired and said, “Oh look. It sold.” (There was a sold sign on the frame.)

I looked at the Britto. I looked at him.

The penny dropped. I whispered, “You didn’t.” He nodded. I squealed.

Then I squealed a couple more times for good measure.

(I’m still squealing. But on the inside. Where it counts.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You know how sometimes life can be confusing? You don’t know whether you’re coming or going or which way is up. While I can’t solve all the problems in The Universe, I can help with one of the biggest challenges: figuring out whether you’re on a cruise.

1. The comedians all get way too much mileage out of the phrase “drink package.”
2. There are signs reminding you that the fish woven into the carpeting are swimming to the front of the boat.
3. The room is swaying and you haven’t yet begun taking advantage of the “drink package.”
4. No one ever says, “Why isn’t there any food available?”
5. The towels take it upon themselves to show up in animal form. (Just wait–there’s more coming about towel animals.)
6. Booze (in all forms) is far more plentiful than water (see “drink package”).
7. You can (and do) eat six desserts (at breakfast) and no one blinks.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We went to our first cruise champagne art auction. They had some really great art on board (Agam, Britto, Maxx).

These were not the pieces they were giving away cheap.

These were pieces that were price to take up our entire food budget for the next 18 years. Since I feel strongly about being fed, we did not invest.

But I drooled.

Extensively. (And expensively.)

And we won a bottle of champagne in the raffle. So there were plenty of bubbles to smile about.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You can learn a lot at the airport (although you might not always want to). Here are 10 things I learned at the airport on our most recent voyage.

1. Apparently overalls are a thing.
2. Teenage gymnasts can be very dramatic at 5:30am.
3. More people than you’d think take pillows with them on flights (and most of the pillows aren’t travel pillows).
4. The majority of the pillow carriers are not teenage gymnasts.
5. There are people who share waaaaay too much personal information with complete strangers waaaaay too loudly.
6. Your mother is not one of those people.
7. Not everyone can pull off green hair. (This of course does not stop people from trying.)
8. Beads in beards is also a thing (but not in a good way).
9. Nobody sells decaf at the airport at 6am (I had already had my requisite 6 gallons of the real stuff, but I was cold.)
10. There are a lot of miles in the airport. I walked all of them.

Bonus: Best line from a flight attendant: Please return your seat to the most uncomfortable position possible.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Turn off your phone! (Well, turn it off after you read this.)

We know people have become highly addicted to their phones and other electronic devices. (Tip o’ the hat to your parents who insisted that dinner was an electronic-device-free zone.)

Apparently, it has gotten so bad that there are now studies about how often people check their phones (conclusion: too often) and apps that can help you avoid using apps. I just read about one where you can set a timer and if you avoid using your phone for that amount of time, you grow a virtual tree (and I think they plant one IRL).

I haven’t decided if I’m more amused or disturbed.

I can remember a time (back in the age of dinosaurs) when meals were a book-free zone. The message was the same (although the data usage a bit different): interacting face-to-face, voice-to-voice with other humans is important.

I am not downplaying the addictive power of The Phone (Word Cookies anyone? I just made it to Cassis level if you’re interested.) Nor am I poo-poo-ing the value of electronic communication, instant photos, or keeping up on Instagram (although I have to admit I’m a little stumped by SnapChat).

However, I sincerely (a word I learned to spell in 4^th grade—grandma and grandpa will appreciate that fact even if no one else will) believe that There Is a Time and Place. And I worry about people who are unable to disconnect even for the shortest of times.

So put down your phone and go turn on the TV for a while.

JK.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

There is a Sleep Thief in the house.

I don’t mean there is a thief sleeping in the house (that’s a scary idea). I mean someone or something is stealing the sleep.

I know this because I was awake all night. I documented every minute of every hour.

Have you any idea how boring an entirely dark house is? Extremely boring. It should be boring enough to lull one to sleep.

Apparently it was dull enough to lull one to sleep, but that “one” was Dad.

I watched ridiculous hours turn into even more ridiculous hours. Finally at You’re Getting Up at WHAT Time? I got up and walked a very confused Puppy.

Now I’m going to finish my coffee, search for the Thief, and hope I don’t start napping at 10am.

Love, Mom