Dear Kid,

I’ve been getting a lot of emails from my Fitbit.

Fitbit: Your Charge HR battery level is low. Charge your battery as soon as possible. To charge: 

1. Plug the power cable into a USB port. 
2. Plug the other end of the power cable into the back of your Charge HR. A progress bar should appear on the screen. 
3. A full charge can take between 1-2 hours depending on the remaining battery level.

Thinking burns a lot of calories. For instance, how does the Fitbit tell the difference between sitting and watching bad reality TV (no effort) and sitting and contemplating bad reality TV (a great deal of effort)? Or gum chewing? How does the Fitbit account for the incredible number of calories I burn chomping on Trident? DearKidLoveMom.comFitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! Great job! You’re close to meeting your step goals! Just a little more and you’ll be there!

Fitbit: You spent 45 minutes on the Elliptical today! Congrats!

Fitbit: Your Charge HR battery level is low. Charge your battery as soon as possible. 

Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! You went to the gym four days this week. Fantastic!

Fitbit: You’re doing an excellent job sleeping. You’re hitting your goals!

Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! You walked a lot this week, but not as much as last week.

Fitbit: Seriously, Your Charge HR battery is really low. PLUG IT IN!

Fitbit: You’re starting to slack off a little. What’s going on?

Fitbit:  It’s great that you decided to go to the gym today! Next time you go, let’s do more than sit in the sauna!

Fitbit:  Sleeping is great, but it’s generally better if you work out at the gym.

Fitbit: PLUG. ME. IN!

Fitbit: I have no idea what you did yesterday, because you keep forgetting to charge me. But based on recent experience, I’m guessing I didn’t miss much…

Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! Are you really a slug or are you just too lazy to actually charge your Fitbit?

Fitbit: I know you like wearing me because I’m purple, but I can be much more than a fashion accessory. Let’s go walk somewhere!

Fitbit: Just so we’re clear, getting up from the couch to get ice cream is not considered a workout.

Fitbit: And no, typing is not an aerobic activity. Ever.

Love, Mom