Dear Kid,

Puppy: Tell me a story

Me: What kind of a story?

Puppy: About me

Me: Ah, that kind of a story. Ok. Once upon a time there was a little girl

Puppy: I’m not a girl!

Me: No, the little girl was Pi

Puppy: Oh

Me: And a boy

Puppy: That was me

Me: No, that was the Kid

Puppy: Where am I?

Me: Listen to the story

Puppy: Sigh….

Me: And a Mommy and a Daddy. And they wanted a dog to be part of their family too

Puppy: That’s me!

Me: Listen to the story. And they visited lots of shelters and met lots of nice dogs, but none of the dogs they met were their dog

Puppy: Because that’s me

Me: Sometimes the whole family would go and sometimes just the Mommy and the little girl would go on their own. Then one day the little girl and the Mommy visited a shelter they’d been to before. The little girl saw a tiny, little dog

Puppy: Me:

Me: Yes you, but listen to the story. “Can we visit with that dog?” asked the little girl. “We can meet that dog,” said the Mommy, “but I think he’s going to be too small for Dad.” The Mommy and the little girl asked the Very Nice Volunteer if they could meet the little dog. The Very Nice Volunteer brought the little dog outside so they could meet each other. The little dog turned out not to be quite as little as they had thought and he trotted onto the grass and brought something back to the Very Nice Volunteer. “You can have it,” she told the little dog who promptly chomped up the treat he’d found.

Puppy: Can I have a treat now?

Me: It was the only time I’ve seen you offer to share a treat. And no, I’m telling a story, so no treats. The Mommy and the little girl and the little dog had a very nice visit.

Puppy: Yes

Me: At one point, the little dog trotted off to the end of the enclosure. “Should I go get him?” asked the little girl. “If you want to,” said the Mommy, “but he’s not going anywhere.” The little girl went to the dog, picked him up, and brought him back. The dog didn’t exactly look comfortable, but he let the little girl (who was a very strong child) carry him back without fussing at all.

Puppy: That’s when you knew

Me: That’s when we knew you were Ours. The Mommy called the boy and the Dad to come meet the dog, but the boy and the Dad were kayaking and they couldn’t get to the shelter in time.

Puppy: Which is why you didn’t take me home

Me: That’s right.

Puppy: Then what happened?

Me: The next day, after the family went to the boy’s school to see where his classes would be that year, they went to the shelter. They visited with the little dog. Then the Dad wanted to meet another dog. The Other Dog took one look at the family and hid under the picnic table. “No,” said the Mommy. “We are not getting a dog that doesn’t want anything to do with us.” And the family decided to get the first dog.

Puppy: Me

Me: Yes, you. The family went to the front desk and began filling out the paperwork. As they were getting everything done and waiting for their dog, a man came in who wanted to adopt the very same dog.

Puppy: Me

Me: Yes, you. But the family had made the decision first, so they got the dog. And they all went home together and lived

Puppy: Happily Ever After

Me: Right

Puppy: Good story

Me: Good puppy

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, and Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness

Dear Kid,

Yesterday (after the weeding and the trip to the lawn mower doctor), Booker and I were snuggling in the hammock.

“Can I have another treat?”
“Yes, you’re being a very good boy.”
“Thank you.”
“Put your head down and relax.”
“Okey dokey”

It was overcast and slightly breezy, so it was quite comfortable outside. Dad came over to chat for a bit, Booker asked me to scratch behind his ears (which I did), and everyone was quite content.

The breeze blew, we relaxed, and

“I hear something”
“Go back to sleep”
“I think it might be a moose”
“We still don’t have moose in this area. Go back to sleep.”
“I’m pretty sure something is there”
“I’m pretty sure it’s not a moose.”
“Yup, something is definitely there”

And then before I knew what was going on, Booker leaped off my tummy (making sure to dig his nails into my shoulder), flew off the hammock with his ears flapping in the wind, and raced off.

I sighed. I was not in the mood to chase him six miles around the neighborhood.

Fortunately, he only went three trees along the side of our house.

“I’m on it, I’m on it, I’m on it, I’m on it!”
“On what? There’s nothing there.”
“Yes, there is, you just have to sniff, why aren’t you helping? Here, this tree”
“Um, what about this tree?”
“It went up the tree, up the tree, up the tree!!! I have to climb up the treeeee!”
“Sweetie, dogs can’t climb trees”
Then Dad chimed in. “I don’t know about now, but there used to be poison ivy at the base of that tree.” Oh, joy.

“Someone has to climb the tree, up the tree! Up the tree!”
“Baby, I don’t see anything up there”
“I’m circling the tree. But there’s nothing here!”
“Booker…”
“You have to climb the tree”
“I’m not going to climb the tree”
“You HAVE TO CLIMB THE TREEEEEEEE!”
“Hey Booker, I have still have treats.”
“You have to climb the, what? Treats?”
“How about we go inside and have a treat?”
“I could have a treat.”

And with that, our time in the hammock was over.

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside,  Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, and Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness

 Dear Kid,

Thoughts from His Furriness, in all his wonderful quirkiness.

Puppy: You’re eating carrots
Me: Yes, I am
Puppy: Carrots are my favorite
Me: I thought your favorite was peanut butter or cheese
Puppy: You’re not eating peanut butter or cheese
Me: True
Puppy: Which means carrots are my favorite right now
Me: Ah, I see
Puppy: You’re not very good at taking hints, are you?

Puppy: I heard that, I’m coming!
Me: You were sleeping at the other end of the house! How could you possibly have heard me break a banana off the bunch?
Puppy: I have super sensitive banana hearing ears
Me: I guess you do
Puppy: So I’m here
Me: I couldn’t possibly eat an entire banana by myself. Do you suppose you could help me?
Puppy: I guess I’m not too busy for that

Puppy: Throw the toy
Me: You never bring them back
Puppy: Throw the toy
Me: You just chase the toy and chew on it
Puppy: Throw the toy
Me: Will you bring it back?
Puppy: Throw the toy
Me: OK….I knew it. You’re just chewing on it
Puppy: But you threw it really well

Me: You want to play?
Puppy: I love to play, of course I want to play, let’s play!!!
Me: Ok, go fetch the toy
Puppy: I got the toy, I got the toy, I got the… I have to go look out the back window for a while
Me: I thought you wanted to play?
Puppy: I am guarding the house. Much more important.
Me: Ok, if you’re sure
Puppy: You’re not going to wait for me to come back?

Hope you have a wonderful, quirky day!

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside,  Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, and Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer

Dear Kid,

The Deer Wars are heating up. Dad is Unamused to wake up and find hoof prints in the garden and the tops nibbled off the beets. Since he’s tired of providing the deer with a multi-course buffet (try pronouncing it “boo-fay” just for fun), we decided to investigate ways to keep deer out of the garden.

When you ask my friend the Internet to give you ideas for “Deer-proofing Your Garden” you find lots and lots of suggestions. The most effective is “Grow rocks.” Deer don’t generally eat much ore.

Unfortunately, our plan is to grow more than rocks, so we had to go further.

The second step is to abstain from planting things deer like. After a quick inventory, we discovered that the only thing on our entire property that the deer don’t much care for is our driveway. Moving on.

The next idea is to plant things deer don’t like. Errr, we have several things on “Deer don’t like” list. And apparently, the deer really don’t like them—but on our property they just ignore the icky things and move on to the things they prefer.

Wash up. Several sites suggest putting shavings of Ivory Soap or Irish Spring Soap in the garden to keep deer away. No idea why these brands in particular. And not sure how I feel about a sudsy garden. I am pretty sure how Dad would feel about soap run off. Maybe washing will work. Not.

Or we could stink the deer off. “Rotten eggs and garlic seem to be two of the most effective deterrents” to deer. Oh, good. Just what we wanted. In a word, “No.”

“Frighten the deer away.” That sounds promising. Oh, wait. The best frighteners are coyote, wolves, dogs, and people. We’ve got three of the four and the deer keep coming. Sigh.

Another option is to build a fence. Of course the fence has to be at least 7 feet high because deer are pretty good jumpers and the fence has to be built out of some seriously sturdy stuff or the deer will just push right through.

As far as I can tell, all of these will be about as effective as putting up a sign that says “Deer: Go to the Neighbors.”

Daddy has now draped the beets with cheesecloth (it was an adventure purchasing cheesecloth, but that’s another story).

I’m guessing that the score between Dad and the deer is about even right now.

Did I mention Dad saw moles??

Garden vs Nature continues.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Why is Daddy yelling?
Me: He’s watching World Cup Soccer
Puppy: Why is he yelling?
Me: It’s an exciting game
Puppy: But, why is he yelling?
Me: Well…um…would you like me to rub your tummy?

Puppy: Mom, we have to talk
Me: OK, sugar. What would you like to talk about?
Puppy: My nails
Me: Do they need to be cut? Let me see
Puppy: Give me my paw back. They don’t need to be cut. Ever again.
Me: Nice theory. Don’t think it’s going to work out that way
Puppy: I don’t like having my nails cut
Me: Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like
Puppy: Not if we talk about it nicely
Me: Sometimes even if we talk about it nicely
Puppy: Emily Post is a fraud

Puppy: Where are you going?
Me: To the gym
Puppy: Can I go?
Me: Puppies aren’t allowed at the gym
Puppy: What do you do at the gym?
Me: I climb steps on the elliptical machine and I lift weights
Puppy: You’re weird

Puppy: Where are you going?
Me: To the gym
Puppy: Why?
Me: To exercise
Puppy: You should just chase a squirrel

Puppy: I think it’s dinner time
Me: You always think it’s dinner time
Puppy: Yeah, but now it is
Me: Nope, you have about another 45 minutes to go
Puppy: I think it could be dinner time if you wanted it to be
Me: I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait.
Puppy: OK…Is it time now?

Puppy: Dinner smells good
Me: Thank you
Puppy: Can I have some?
Me: You had your dinner
Puppy: You share with other people
Me: Sometimes
Puppy: You say I’m a People
Me: Always
Puppy: So shouldn’t you share with me?
Me: Nice try, but no
Puppy: I think some people shouldn’t be more equal than others…

Puppy: So why is Daddy yelling?
Me: More FIFA World Cup Soccer
Puppy: What’s a FIFA?
Me: They’re the people in charge of soccer
Puppy: They make a very noisy game

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations, see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby, It’s Cold Outside, More Puppy Conversations

Dear Kid,

This morning when Booker and I went for our morning sniff, we (and by “we” I mean Booker) met a hoppy-toad.

Puppy: The ground moved!
Me: That’s a hoppy-toad
Booker: I’ll sniff it to be sure

Booker walked over to sniff the hoppy-toad. The toad didn’t move. After a few seconds, Booker either touched the toad with his nose or breathed on him—or perhaps the toad had had enough. He (the toad) jumped.

Booker followed. And sniffed. Eventually the toad jumped. Rinse and repeat. After a few iterations, Booker got bored and we headed on our way.

Speaking of Booker, he’s invented a new way to shed. Yes, you heard me. Instead of dropping fur all over the house, he’s hanging on to it. He’s shedding so much that the fur can’t fall off. Which means two things: 1. When you look at him, you can see random hairs standing up at interesting angles all over the place (imagine a furry porcupine) and 2. When you pet him, the fur flies. Literally. ‘Tis best to snuggle with the baby before getting dressed for work. It’s also a good idea to check in with the lint roller before leaving the house.

The sunflowers are about 6 feet tall and a few have begun to flower. Somewhat surprisingly, Daddy thinks this is great because they seem to be acting as a barrier to keep the deer away from the veggies. At least that was his thinking until he discovered that the deer just walk around the sunflowers in order to eat beet tops. He is now planning Improved Deer Defense which I believe will include heavy artillery and a moat filled with hungry crocagaters.

Hope you have a fabulous day, kiddo.

Love, Mom