Dear Kid,

Happy Boxing Day!

Not as in Rocky or Creed (which I enjoyed much more than I thought I would—thank you for “insisting” that we watch the movie together). Rather as in Boxes to Give to People.

The history of Boxing Day goes back to the Middle Ages (as in history, not as in your parents’ age) when the servants all had to work on Christmas so that the upper class (as in the people they worked for) could enjoy the Christmas Holiday without having to, um, work.

The servants were then (sometimes) given the day after Christmas off (after having worked twice as hard to be sure everything was ready for the upper class (as in the people they worked for) as well as working twice as hard the day after Boxing Day to clean up. But they were (often) given Boxing Day off.

And the tradition was that that the merchant class and upper class would take boxes (see where I’m going with this?), fill them with food and gifts, and deliver them to the servants, tradespeople, and other less fortunate types.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s a good day to think about other people, and to remember that whatever we’re celebrating, it’s about tolerance and acceptance and thank you notes.

To all those celebrating, Merry Christmas!

To all those celebrating, Happy Hanukkah!

To all those celebrating, Happy Kwanzaa!

And to those simply enjoying the season, Happy Today!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s National Egg Nog Day and National Chocolate Day. And Both of My Kids Will Be Home Today Day.

Does not get much sweeter than this.

Egg Nog: A drink traditionally made with eggs (and by “eggs” I mean eggs, milk, cream, and any other fattening dairy product you can pour) and nog (and by “nog” I mean whatever alcoholic beverage you happen to have lying around but specifically bourbon, rum, or cognac ). Also sugar. The recipe is as follows: Do a bunch of complicated stuff. Grate nutmeg on top. Drink enough so you don’t care.

While I have no doubt that homemade egg nog is infinitely superior to the store-bought additive-filled variety, I also know that I have no intention of making egg nog from scratch when someone, somewhere has gone to all the trouble to make it for me and put it in a convenient carton.

Or we could just have drink and toast the season sans dairy.

On the other hand, since it’s also Chocolate Day, maybe we should consider incorporating that. I’ve never tried chocolate egg nog, but as your grandmother says, “It’s got ingredients; how bad can it be?”

She also says, “Of course I’ll have some chocolate! Chocolate is a very important vegetable.”

Pass the ingredients; we have some experimenting to do!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Who knew?

Today is International Monkey Day! So grab a banana and let’s celebrate!

Despite their adorableness, monkeys drew the short stick in the language department.

“I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” is not a compliment to uncles. It came out of the Scopes Monkey trial about teaching evolution.

“More fun than a barrel of monkeys” is supposed to refer to something that’s actually fun. But I just can’t see monkeys having fun in a barrel. Especially the ones near the bottom. And who would think to gather that many monkeys just to stuff them in a barrel? Nope, makes no sense.

“A monkey on one’s back” refers to addiction and difficulty in dealing with that burden. Not really a cheerful phrase.

“Monkey see, monkey do” implies monkey does without bothering with the step of “monkey think.” Again, not a compliment.

“Monkey business” refers neither to monkey potty habits nor to the zoo’s profit. It means fooling around, generally with an overtone of something being amiss.

“Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.” Yeah, nothing good happening there.

“Monkeys might fly out of my butt” indicates surprise for the speaker, but probably not nearly as much surprise as the monkeys might feel.

And if you look at the word “monkey” long enough, it definitely looks like you misspelled it.

Poor little dudes.

Hope you have a great International Monkey Day!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It is the time of lists.

The Best Gifts for Dad.

Forty Gifts Under $40.

Twenty Seven Ideas for Decorating for the Holidays.

And so on.

Most of the ideas and gifts involve lots of money, huge amounts of crafty talent, ridiculous tackiness, or all of the above.

Since not all college students are flush with money and/or crafty talent, here is the list of the Top 7 Ideas for Gifts College Kids to Give Their Families.

1. Do your own laundry. You’re welcome to bring it home. You’re welcome to use our machine. Just don’t expect anyone to wash and fold for you.
2. Tell us your schedule. We know you have plans that don’t always include us. Please let us know where you’re going, whether you’re joining us for dinner, and when to expect you home.
3. Recognize that other people watch television. There are Bowl Games. We get it. We even plan to watch some of them. But there are other things on TV and you do not always get to make the final decision.
4. There are times to turn off. I checked. There is no requirement to have the television running 20 hours a day. There is no requirement to check texts while having conversations with live people.
5. The house rules still apply. You’re old enough to make your own breakfast; you’re also old enough to clean up the aforementioned meal without being reminded multiple times. When we have a family meal everyone (by which I mean everyone) needs to help clean up.
6. Try to remember that we’re a family. There will be optional events and there will be required events. Try to participate cheerfully.
7. Volunteer to help. It would be great to volunteer outside the house, but I’ll settle for you volunteering inside. There are magic words (in addition to “please” and “thank you”). They sound something like, “Hey, Mom. Let me take care of that for you.”

And a hug with a sincere “Love you Mom.” That’s the best gift ever.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s officially the holiday season.

I know this because:

1. Last night we finished the Thanksgiving leftovers. Even the ones we had in the freezer.
2. The airwaves have been taken over by reindeer, barking dogs, and commercials for the “perfect gift.” Note: You are not likely to receive the “perfect gift” (as defined by the ad agencies).
3. Not only are the houses dressed up in all their festive glory, I saw a person pushing a stroller—that was lit with holiday lights. (That was a first for me.)
4. People are at the mall rather than being home watching football.
5. People at the mall are spending ridiculous sums—like $55 for a knitted hat. Note: You are not getting a $55 knitted hat whether or not it’s the “perfect gift”.

Love, Mom