Dear Kid,

Did I mention we went to the Newport Aquarium? (I did, it was just a way to get you to click on yesterday’s blog if you’ve forgotten.)

One of my favorite parts was seeing the Asian Small Clawed Otter.

Just so we’re clear, there is nothing about this small otter that would make it a good choice for a house pet. Nothing. They aren’t social, they mark their territory in a very odor-ful way, they are rather vicious, and they can bite through a steel-toed boot.

On the other hand, they pack a LOT of cute into their little bodies.

I tried to have a conversation with Nita (the 6 year old Asian Small Clawed Otter on display) before the education talk.

Me: Hi

Nita: Can’t talk now. Too excited. I have to run around because it’s almost time for the humans! Did you know that visitors come to watch the humans? Visitors sometimes watch me during the day, but when I bring out the humans, they all sit down and pay attention.

Gotta swim.

I’m back. Look at all the visitors! They really like my humans. Come on, humans! What are you waiting for?

Hiding. Bet you can’t find me. Just kidding. I’m right here in the log.

Gotta swim.

The humans never come through the water, but I thought I’d check.

Hey humans! I’m on top of the steps looking for you.

Gotta swim.

Where are you! I’m ready, ready, ready!

There you are. What took you so long? Silly humans.

And with that, Nita the Asian Small Clawed Otter, put her humans through their paces. Mostly, she touched a stick. She had taught them that when she touched the stick they should feed her. Nita’s humans were very well trained.

Asian Small Clawed Otters are related to weasels (Not responsible for that branch of the family!), and they are the smallest otters in the world (Hey! A little sensitivity please!).

The Aquarium has another Asian Small Clawed Otter, a 4 year old male named Porkchop. Porkchop and Nita have not yet established that they want to be on the same planet, much less in the same display area so the Aquarium only has one out at a time. Apparently, the Aquarium did not consult an online dating site before pairing them up. Nor did they read any of my blogs on relationships (like this one, or this one, or this one).

Silly humans.

Love, Mom

Remember to share DearKidLoveMom here and on Dear Kid Love Mom Facebook. Don’t keep all the love to yourself! (Otters don’t share; let the humans do it.)

Dear Kid,

We really are lucky to have so many cool things to do in the Greater Cincinnati area. Yesterday we went to the Newport Aquarium (Thanks guys!).

It was a gorgeous day so we didn’t mind waiting outside for the penguins. Yes, some of the African penguins make an outdoor appearance first thing in the morning.

African penguins???

Yep, African penguins. They come from an area in Southern Africa and are extremely rare (which the attendant told us). They are also known as jackass penguins, which somehow got left out of the presentation.

The penguins come out in a stroller, which is fabulous until you realize they are going to stay in their stroller. In plastic cylinders in their stroller.

Educational, but better for little kids rather than college-age kids.

Me: What was your favorite part of the aquarium?
Kid 1 (around a mouthful of Tom + Chee grilled macaroni and cheese): The yellow-finned window cleaners.

It really was fun seeing the scuba divers cleaning the tank.

Me: What was your favorite part of the aquarium?
Kid 2 (after chewing and swallowing her goat cheese grilled cheese): I wanted Mike to move.

Mighty Mike is the 800 pound crocogator currently residing at the aquarium. He spends most of his time imitating a statue.

Kid 2: I also liked the otter.
Me: Me too.

More about the otter tomorrow.

Me: What was your favorite part of the aquarium?
Kid 3 (also after chewing and swallowing): Loggerhead turtle and the divers.

Loggerheads are so named because of their big heads. They eat all sorts of things including jellyfish but they don’t typically eat Portuguese Man-o-War (Men-o-War? How do you pluralize that?) which is probably the only thing that prevents them from being on the Best Turtles Ever list.

Me? I had a great time everywhere. (My blog, I don’t have to choose a fave.) I really liked watching you and Pi identify so many of the fish you’ve seen in the wild.

Contrary to some of the idle speculation, I did not have an adverse reaction to seeing the jellyfish (none of them were PMoW).

The octopus was very cute (as usual) but she is laying eggs which means she’s near the end of her life which is sad. And there is nothing un-cute one can say about the penguins, because they are penguins.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I walked across the new rope bridge (4 miles of rope used to make the bridge). It was kind of cool to see sharks from that angle.

Overall, I’m pretty sure my favorite thing of the day was spending time with the World’s Most Wonderful Children.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Dad has grown a bumper crop of zucchini this year. And by “bumper crop” I mean the zucchinis are big enough to be used as bumpers for Jeeps.

Faced with a giant number of giant-sized zucchini, I decided to make zucchini bread.

The good news is that the kitchen is still intact and even (mostly) cleaned up.

Also, the zucchini bread tastes good (even if it doesn’t taste overly zucchini-ed).

Being the kind of mom I am, I decided to share my methodology.

First look up a zucchini bread recipe. My Friend the Internet was happy to provide several options, and after considering the options for .000012 of a second I chose the first one that popped up.

I am so predictable.

I then proceeded and continued (extra points if you get the reference) to collect the ingredients. I decided to make two loaves (did I mention the jumbo sized zucchinis?) so I doubled everything.

Six cups of flour is a fair amount of flour, and it seems like even more when you sift it and occasionally miss the bowl. Once again, the Puppy (who was hovering hopefully) turned slightly whiter than usual. The baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon all made it into the bowl.

Then I mixed six eggs with 2 cups of oil (holy cow that’s a lot of oil) and some sugar while we held a group discussion about whether or not to include walnuts (no nuts, final answer).

As I added the dry ingredients, I glanced at the recipe.

And realized the original recipe was for two loaves, so I was making enough for four.

Oh.

I only own two loaf pans.

Ignore reality and continue.

The batter, however, didn’t ignore reality and it became pretty obvious that we were about to run out of space in the mixer.

Which meant we had partly mixed batter in one bowl, flour in another bowl, shredded zucchini pretty much everywhere, and I needed a plan to somehow convince everything to come together without exploding the mixer.

I tried talking to the batter. “Stay down. Stay. Down!” The batter ignored me and continued to climb the beaters.

I tried teeny bursts of power. The batter climbed in teeny bursts.

I gave up and stirred all ingredients in by hand.

I looked at the loaf pans, then at the batter. “You will fit. You WILL fit.”

Turns out I had larger than usual loaf pans. The loaves baked up and over but didn’t cause an oven disaster. An hour or so later, we had two HUGE zucchini breads. Another super yummy kitchen mess.

And with all that, we still had half a zucchini left over.

Did I mention the size of the zuchs?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time (my favorite way to start a story), there was no such thing as brunch. The first meal invented was dinner (although it was called Feed Me I’m Starving). Then Moms were invented and they unionized to create breakfast (known as It’s the Most Important Meal of the Day Now and Forever).

One day, however, Mrs. Joe Neanderthal decided she didn’t feel like making breakfast (The Most Important Meal of the Day). Not only did she not feel like cooking, there was nothing in the Neanderthal cupboard. No leftover sabretooth tiger, no soggy vegetables, and definitely no Fruit Loops for small Neanderthals to snack on.

Now, as I have mentioned, Mrs. Joe Neanderthal was one smart lady—especially for a Neanderthal.

Therefore, as all the little Neanderthals started clamoring for food (breakfast being the most important meal of the day), and Mrs. J. N. rolled over and pulled her fur blanket up around her ears, she grunted, “Brnch s bttr.”

Mrs. Joe Neanderthal wasn’t big on using vowels first thing in the morning.

Once she got up, Mrs. J invented a new meal, proving that “Brunch is better.”

The thing about brunch is that it’s not available most days. So when we have brunch, it’s something special.

Brunch is about the event as much as it’s about the food. It’s about taking time and savoring the meal (there is nothing rushed about brunch). It’s about who you’re dining with. It’s about friends or family (or both if you’re lucky).

But let’s be honest: brunch is also about the food.

Brunch food is luxuriously rich. It’s food you don’t make for breakfast because who has the time? Brunch is creamy eggy deliciousness and extravagant bagel toppings and extraordinary brunchy pastries. Brunch is mimosas and bloody marys. Brunch is seconds and thirds and even fourth helpings.

Breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, but I’m pretty sure brunch is the best meal of the month.

What’s your favorite brunch food?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You may have heard me talk once or twice (or possibly more) about the Importance of Drinking Water. I speak of this Importance in Ernest (extra points for getting the reference).

Once again, DRINK WATER.

For the record, caffeinated beverages don’t count (well, they count in the caffeine column, but not in the hydration column [depending who you ask]).

It’s summer which we know because all of a sudden it is HOT.

Speaking of weather craziness, having the Stanley Cup playoffs in Tampa in June is almost as crazy as having the World Cup finals in Canada registering over 90 degrees on the field. (Qatar? Are you insane?)

Why drink water? Not only does it taste good, it’s good for you. Basically, your body is a bunch of water inside your skin and held upright by a skeleton. That’s why you squish.

Which means that when you sweat or sneeze you’re letting important parts out.

Don’t hold in your sneezes (which sounds painful) just make sure you’re drinking enough water to offset the occasional a-choo and the frequent perspiration.

Grab some hydrogen, mix in a little oxygen, and stay hydrated.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Have you heard about the Great Egg Shortage hitting the US? It’s a real thing, not a new Dr. Seuss book or (just) a bad intro line for a blog.

Having finished with Ebola, the Universe has decided to hand out a second place epidemic called Avian Bird Flu targeting egg-laying birdies in particular.

Which means that while the price of your chicken wings will stay relatively stable, the price of your egg McBreakfast is skyrocketing.

And that’s not really the problem.

The issue isn’t just that the cost of eggs is going up. The issue is that there aren’t as many eggs to be had. Hence the Great Egg Shortage.

So far, the average person (and by “average person” I mean me) hasn’t really seen a big impact. Most of the chain restaurants are still serving eggs and most of the bakeries have been able to keep up. Some restaurants are cutting their breakfast hours or pushing non-eggy food like bagels and lox (not really suffering too much here, are we?). And at least one grocer is rationing eggs. But at a limit of 3 dozen per visit, it doesn’t feel like a huge problem.

Yet.

So far no one has managed to come up with a great way to treat the avian flu. The best medical advice appears to be “this will all go away once it gets warmer.” Which is relatively good news in that it’s already June and presumably it will get warmer one of these days. (Mother Nature–that was a subtle hint.)

On the other hand, guess what I had for breakfast while they’re still available?

Love, Mom