Dear Kid,

We seem to be having a small problem.

Someone (or something) seems to be causing a disturbance in the Force. Maybe a better way to say it is that a force is causing a disturbance.

The Puppy has been farting a little.

And since it is a very long way from his teeny, tiny brain (which is generally asleep) to his posterior (which is generally only pretending to sleep), he is quite affronted, startled, and offended every time his hindquarters sneak up and wake him.

To add insult to injury, once he jerks awake, he can never seem to find the culprit. The source of the noise vanishes quite as quickly as it, um, appeared.

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot;
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?”

Let me paint the picture. There he is, curled up asleep on his pillow. Sometimes even snoring gently. The whole world is calm and peaceful. Then

<toot>

Instantly awake, The Puppy leaps about 7 feet into the air, whirling around to see who snuck up behind him. Unable to identify the perpetrator, he trots over to where I’m sitting on the couch pretending that he’s been far away from his pillow the entire night.

Meanwhile, Pi is laughing so hard she can’t breathe which offends The Puppy even further so he decides to go sleep in the dining room where there might not be any felonious activity.

I’ve tried to explain normal bodily functions to him, but he doesn’t believe me.

Love, Mom