Dear Kid,

What is with all the rain? Seriously.

Noah called, he wants people to stop stealing his gig.

Rain is liquid water in the form of droplets that have condensed from atmospheric water vapor and then precipitated—that is, become heavy enough to fall under gravity.

That dang gravity.

More importantly, rain is bad for shoes. It’s fine for rain boots, but it’s May already. I had fun wearing my rain boots in April.

April, the traditional month for rain and rain boots; May, the traditional month for wearing cute spring shoes.

On average, we get 256 inches of rain in North America every year. I’m pretty sure we’ve gotten 200 of those inches in the last week and a half. I have webbing growing in between my toes. And I’m over it.

But I decided to go looking for the proverbial silver lining.

On Venus, rain is made out of sulfuric acid. That would be worse than our endless rain made out of water.

It could be snow. That would be worse. Unless we had snow days. (Silver lining! Look for the silver lining! Right. Snow would be worse.)

When it rains cats and dogs, it doesn’t literally rain cats and dogs. That would be worse.

The maximum speed of a falling rain drop ranges from 18 to 22 miles per hour. If they weren’t shaped like raindrops, they might have less friction, fall faster, and impale people. That would be worse.

Rain lands in droplets. An inch of rain on an acre of land weighs approximately 226,000 pounds. That would hurt if it feel all at once.

Rain isn’t purple. That would be bad for shoes, and clothes, and hair. But it would be pretty.

We have umbrellas and rain boots. And we don’t melt.

I can live with the rain.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

The thing about wishing for something is you sometimes get what you wish for.

Mere minutes ago, we were whining about being in the middle of monsoon season. “What happened to summer?” we wailed. “Why is there all this rain and no sun?”

Even Farmer Brown wasn’t happy. There was too much rain and his crops (like most of us) don’t like soggy toes.

We all sat around wishing for a beautiful day so we could take a walk at lunchtime without wearing hip waders and foul weather gear.

Then, poof! Mother Nature had had enough of the whining. You want sun? I’ll give you SUN, and splat, it was summer. 98 degree summer. High humidity of south Ohio summer. Sun beating down with nary a cloud in sight summer.

Just in time for the summer soccer games.

The good news is the players aren’t slipping in mud puddles.

The bad news is the players are slipping in sweat puddles. (Just as attractive.)

The worse news is that the viewers are sitting in sweat puddles too.

Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s a beautiful day here in Cincinnati. And by “beautiful” I raining like crazy. So if you happen to like wet weather (and the accompanying smell of wet dogs), traffic jams (“Oh, look! A raindrop! Slam on the brakes!!!), and soggy toes (I hate when I forget my rain boots) the weather is perfect. If you prefer Something Else, perhaps not.

On the Other Hand, the Something Else frequently includes even worse weather, so I’m kind of OK with rain.

And trying to remember my rain boots.

Once upon a time, people didn’t have rain boots. This was a sad time in the world, what with the aforementioned wet toes and the accompanying foot fungus. (For the record, I have never had a foot fungus. Probably because I usually wear rain boots.)

The Duke of Wellington, who presumably liked his toes warm and dry and liked to look fashionable at the same time, had his shoemaker make a pair of fab new boots which were called Wellingtons.

Wellies were originally made of leather, but in 1852 Hiram Hutchinson had the good fortune to meet Charles Goodyear (yep, of tire fame) and bought the patent to make footwear with natural rubber. Hiram moved to France, made a bunch of waterproof boots, and became an instant hero to a country suffering from Wet Toes.

Still not sure what wellies are? Think of Paddington (the bear, not the station) and look at his feet. Wellingtons.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Last night (as I believe I’ve mentioned) was Homecoming. You know it’s homecoming because there are crowds and crowns involved. Also many people came “home.” But it’s odd to call it home when it’s a football game, and these people never really thought of High School as “home,” and the games are played at the Junior High.

It rained last night. I’d like to say it poured, it monsooned, it hurricaned. But it didn’t. It just rained. Steadily and insistently. Through the entire pre-game, game, and presumably the post-game (we did not stay for post-game). And it was chilly. Poor Tal was frozen down to her tippy-toes never having experienced the joy of a rainy football game before. Not sure how she’ll handle February.

The Homecoming Court seemed un-fazed by the rain. By “unfazed” I mean they didn’t seem unhappy. But most of them dressed for the weather rather than for the fashion generally associated with homecoming court. And the King’s crown came complete with a clear plastic bag covering it.

The football team dressed as a football team. The defense played extremely well except for letting in a more touchdowns than seemed absolutely necessary.

The offense had flashes of brilliance punctuated by long stretches of siestas and mistakes. Including a missed PAT kicked by someone who isn’t your sister.

We lost.

Sorry I didn’t send commentary on the game last night, but due to the aforementioned sogginess my phone decided to stay home. That is also the reason there isn’t a photo of the homecoming court. Or at least that’s the reason I’m using at the moment.

The JV game is today at 1pm which is a Most Inconsiderate time for a game on a day when Some People have to get fluffed and buffed for the Homecoming Dance. Fortunately, the rain has stopped (Puppy still had to have his feet wiped after his morning walk sniff but that’s a story for another day.

Enjoy your homecoming today.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Happy Monday! Hope you had a good weekend.

We had a low-key and soggy weekend. Whatever you’ve heard about the terrible storms/tornados/monsoons in Indiana is true but in our particular corner of the world it just rained and blew. There are branches down (but mostly the branches that were going to come down sometime this winter anyway). There was even a nice break in the torrential downpour to let Booker walk the privies in not too much rain (extra points if you get the reference).  Sending our thoughts and prayers to those who were hit hard by the storms.

November 18^th was quite a day in history. Here are the highlights:

In 1307, William Tell shot an apple off his son’s head. There was no television coverage so we can’t be sure it happened. There is an overture but it wasn’t written in time for the event itself so the sound track was probably little Will mumbling about putting his crazy father in a home and locking up the bows and arrows.

The first English book, “Dictes & Sayengis of the Phylosophers”, was printed in 1477. It wasn’t until centuries later that printers were discouraged from inventive spelling.

In 1718, Voltaire’s “Oedipe” premiered in Paris. At least one critic wanted to put his own eyes out. Also in Paris (albeit several years later), the Louvre officially opened.

In 1820, US Navy Captain Nathaniel B Palmer discovered Antarctica. This was excellent news for penguins who then got their day in the sun (ok, they’d been in the sun) who then got their day in the limelight (remind me to look up the origin of the word ‘limelight’) but terrible news for Mrs. Captain Nathaniel B Palmer who had asked her hubby to run down to the corner store for a quart of milk.

November 18^th was an excellent day for theater. Major Barbara, Skin of Our Teeth, and Fiddler on the Roof all premiered. If I were a Rich Mom I would take you to see them all. In 1928, Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse appeared in NY in “Steamboat Willie” which is important because Steamboat Willie would eventually become an answer to a Jeopardy! question.

In 1963 (an excellent year), Bell Telephone introduced push button telephones (you know, the thing you can use to call your mother–hint, hint). One year later (not using the telephone), J. Edgar Hoover described Martin Luther King as a “most notorious liar” and the word “twit” was invented.

In 1902, Morris Michton of Brooklyn created a stuffed bear and named it after Teddy Roosevelt.

And then, O Best Beloved, we have the Most Important, Auspicious, Monumental, and Meaningful event to have happened in all of history on November 18^th: In 1894, the NY World published the first newspaper Sunday color comics section. (I have to sit quietly for a moment and give thanks.)

Have a colorful day, sweetie,

Love, Mom

Don’t miss DearKidLoveMom! Sign up to have it delivered to your electronic communication device today.

~~~

Kansas City from Oklahoma! (excerpted)

Ev’rythin’s like a dream in Kansas City,
It’s better than a magic lantern show!
Y’ c’n turn the radiator on
Whenever you want some heat.
With ev’ry kind o’ comfort
Ev’ry house is all complete.
You c’n walk to privies in the rain
And never wet your feet!
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go….