Dear Kid,

Last night was a wonderful night. Not only did we go see Holiday in Lights in Sharon Woods (right before it closed for the season), we finally got to see the Minion Movie.

(Yes, you’d seen it before, but I hadn’t and isn’t that what this is all about?)

My two Most Wonderful Children arranged for us to watch the Minion Movie as a (very) early birthday present for me.

I have great kids.

And I am so thrilled with having seen the movie that I am providing you Fantastic Facts About Minions:

1. In Despicable Me, the Minions’ teeth are slightly crooked, while in Despicable Me 2, they are aligned. Orthodontists all over the world are thrilled.
2. There are only 5 natural hairstyles for Minions in the Despicable Me films, including bald. Hairstylists all over the world are suggesting options.
3. Minions have only three fingers. More digits might be fatal. To someone. Probably not a Minion.
4. Minions speak a mixture of Spanish, English, French, and Italian, with bit of Russian and Korean sprinkled in. Each word in Minion has an exact translation. So far, Minion (the language) cannot be taken for college credit.
5. The evil Minions are purple because purple and yellow are on opposite sides of the color spectrum. Graphic designers all over the world figured that out before the rest of us.
6. The average Minion stands at 105cm in height. But there is a pretty dang significant height differential among Minions and we don’t tolerate short jokes at DearKidLoveMom (unless they are really, really funny).
7. Cool Minion Fact: Bob suffers from heterochromia iridum, making his eyes two different colors. He’s adorable no matter what color his eyes are.
8. Cooler Minion Fact: The British Royal Crown from Bob’s “coronation” can briefly be seen in Despicable Me when the Minions all offer treasures to help fund Gru’s attempt to steal the moon.
9. Coolest Minion Fact: Kevin, Stuart, and Bob were designed to resemble Gru’s daughters (Margo, Agnes, and Edith).
10. Best Minion Fact: There is a 3^rd Despicable Me movie coming! Guess what I’ll be doing in 2017?

Thank you again for a fabulous evening.

Banana!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Overheard randomly at work.

Coworker A: I thought about spontaneously buying a house this weekend
Coworker B: What?!
Coworker A: Yep.
Coworker B: When I want to spontaneously buy something, I get Tic Tacs, not a house!

Speaking of Tic Tacs, there are now Minion Tic Tacs. Please do NOT buy them for me, but I think it is hilarious that they exist. Guess what flavor? Banana! Shout out to friend Crystal who dropped everything to let me know about the commercial for them.

Speaking of Things Not to Buy for Me and Tic Tacs, did you know there are also pizza flavored Tic Tacs? I have no idea why, but there are. At least according to the images on Google. (I couldn’t find any reference to pizza flavors on the Tic Tac website.)

Turns out the Tic Tac people (who are not paying me to write this post, but probably should be) have a sense of humor. For example, their description of Wintermint Tic Tacs says that they checked with the corporate lawyers who are fine with people enjoying wintermint during all the seasons.

Happy Monday!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

As we all know, winter sports are important in winter.

Fearing that you education has been sorely lacking, I have decided to provide you some Important Information about Interesting Winter Sports.

Today, we discuss skiing.

Skiing was invented by Herman von Slopeski (who named it after himself). He didn’t mean to invent skiing. Here’s what happened.

Herman was out chopping wood for the fire when he slipped, landed with his feet on some of the already chopped wood, and went zooming down the mountain. Herman came to a crashing halt (literally) in front of a beer garden where several of his friends were hanging out, imbibing their beverage of choice. Being a Dude, he couldn’t admit to having made a mistake, so Herman told his buds he was inventing a new sport.

Being Dudes, they had to try this new sport immediately, and downhill racing on black diamonds was born.

The Après Ski was invented by Mrs. Herman von Slopeski who decided to sit with her friends drinking their own beverage of choice and waiting to see who would be alive in the morning. Fortunately, Herman had chopped a lot of wood before sliding down to the town, so Mrs. Herman and her friends were all set with a warm fire. And beverages of choice.

The ski lift was invented by a small band of bored Minions. The original design involved carrying the skier from the bottom of the mountain back to the top. Minions, being Minions, decided almost immediately that that plan involved Work and so they set out to improve the system. Fourteen designs later (all of which would have sent Rube Goldberg into shock), something not entirely approximating the modern ski lift was created.

The rest is all tinkering.

Spare a kind thought for Herman when you go skiing today.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Sometimes blog inspiration arrives in a burst. Sometimes it arrives by carrier pigeon. Sometimes it doesn’t really arrive at all. And sometimes it arrives in the form of the word “magnanimous.”

Last night, when Pi and Tal got home, they (and by “they” I mean Pi) bellowed upstairs. “Hi, Mom!!! Tal and I were thinking that if you were feeling magnanimous, you might want to make us dessert.” “What kind of dessert?” “Whatever you feel like making.” “Be down in a minute.”

Tal asked, “What is this word ‘mag, maj, mananim’?”

Whereupon we set out to teach her the word “magnanimous” to much giggling. It’s a fun word to teach to someone who does not speak English as a first language. To her credit, she learned it really quickly.

Since I was feeling rather magnanimous, I decided to make bananas foster. My way, not the way it’s supposed to be made.

Here are both recipes for your edification.

Bananas Foster (version Mom and version Alton Brown)

Before I continue, let me point out that I think Alton Brown is the Chief Chef, the cherry on the sundae, the Most Amazing Food Person In Our Time. So obviously his version is Right. My version is just what gets made in our house.

Let me also point out that Minions Love Bananas. And doesn’t that just make my little heart happy?

Alton: Melt 2 tablespoons unsalted butter in a 10-inch heavy skillet over low heat.

Mom: Find non-stick pan. Move the drying pots off the stove so there is room to work. Turn up the heat to Reasonably High and melt a bunch of vegan butter (what with Pi not doing cow at the moment). Encourage the vegan butter to get on with melting. Put a tortilla in the pan to brown on both sides. Decide you’re not going to wait for any of this browning nonsense and settle for warming it up. Remove warm, buttery tortilla to a plate. Add more butter stuff to melt.

Alton: Add 1/4 cup dark brown sugar, 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice, and 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg and stir until sugar dissolves.

Mom: Add about-that-much brown sugar and stir. After reading Alton’s recipe (we’re good friends, so I can call him by his first name) decide cinnamon, allspice, and nutmeg might be a good addition next time. Laugh mightily at the idea of grinding fresh nutmeg.

Alton: Add 1 tablespoon banana liqueur and bring sauce to simmer. Add 2 under ripe bananas, sliced in half lengthwise and cook for 1 minute on each side, carefully spooning sauce over bananas as they are cooking.

Mom: Trip over the puppy trying to get the bananas. Giggle as puppy looks expectantly at the bananas. Giggle harder as puppy stares hard enough at the bananas to get them to jump out of their skins voluntarily. Peel and slice bananas into rounds (“coins” as Dad calls them). Share 2 pieces with a grateful dog. Put the bananas in the pan and stir. Laugh at the notion of being careful while doing this.

Alton: Remove bananas from pan to a serving dish. Bring sauce to a simmer and carefully add 1/4 cup dark rum. If the sauce is very hot, the alcohol will flame on its own. If not, using stick flame, carefully ignite and continue cooking until flame dies out, approximately 1 to 2 minutes. If sauce is too thin, cook for 1 to 2 minutes until it is syrupy in consistency. Add 1/2 teaspoon finely grated orange zest and stir to combine. Immediately spoon the sauce over bananas and serve. Serve with waffles, crepes, or ice cream.

Mom: Spoon most of the banana/brown sugar yumminess over half the tortilla. Fold tortilla over and spoon the rest on top. Cut in half if you are serving to two people (which you would only do if you don’t have enough ingredients to make two whole servings. Which reminds me, we need to get more tortillas, bananas, and brown sugar.).

NOTE: If you are me, do not even consider the whole “light on fire” thing since it would doubtless turn into a “light the entire kitchen on fire” thing. And while we do have a fire extinguisher (never used, I’m glad to point out), I don’t think foam is a good addition to this particular dessert.

Serve to incredibly happy teenagers.

Hope you have a sweet day, kiddo.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You, my darling, may be the most wonderful BoyChild ever. As in Of All Time.

I generally feel this way about you, but last night you proved your wonderfulness Beyond A Shadow of Doubt. You alerted me to The News that there will be a Minion movie next summer.

I am (as you may have guessed) Beyond Excited. Banana (just getting in the mood).

As you probably assumed I would, I looked up the History of Minions.

Minions are more adorable than smart. They are more yellow than smart. And they are more loyal than smart. But they are So Darn Cute!

Minions have existed since the beginning of time. Their Purpose is to serve the most Seriously Ambitious Villain available. They have (had?) an unfortunate habit of loving and serving their master to death (say goodbye to Genghis Khan, Dracula, and Napoleon). Fast forward to the 1960s when Kevin decides they can no longer survive without a master and he, Stuart, and Bob set out to find a villain.

Which they find at a villain convention (that is so perfect!). I am trying to type this while rolling around on the floor howling with laughter.

This should make you laugh too. Or at least smile. (Be sure your sound is on.)

Want to go to the movies with me next summer? I’m buying the popcorn.

Love, Mom