Dear Kid,

His Furriness is having  a tough spring.

Me: Come on, sweetie, Get Busy
Puppy (whispering): But Mom, Cobra’s walking with us today
Me: Yes, he is. Get Busy
Puppy (still whispering): I can’t poop in front of Cobra!
Me: Why not? He poops too
Puppy: I’ve never seen him poop
Me: Trust me on this
Puppy: This is humiliating

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: Weeding
Puppy: You’re digging up plants
Me: I’m digging up the plants we don’t want
Puppy: When I dig up plants I don’t want it’s called digging and it’s bad
Me: Yup
Puppy: That’s not fair
Me: That’s weeding

Puppy: That’s my leash
Me: Uh-huh
Puppy: That’s my other leash
Me: Yup
Puppy: I only need one leash to go outside
Me: You’ve been chasing cats
Puppy: Only when I see them
Me: You have to stay on our property
Puppy: I do!
Me: Not when you see a cat
Puppy: Well, that’s different
Me: So the leashes go together and the rope goes here and you stay on our property
Puppy: Who is going to chase the cat?

Puppy: That’s my brush!
Me: It is
Puppy: You brushed me yesterday
Me: It’s Spring
Puppy: But you brushed me yesterday
Me: You have moved from Off Season Training status to Full Time Competitive Shedding mode. You will be brushed again.
Puppy: It’s hard to patrol for cats when you’re being brushed

Me: Please stop sitting on the tulips
Puppy: I’m sitting nicely
Me: Yes, but you’re squishing the tulips
Puppy: I’m quite comfortable
Me: I’m sure you are, but I prefer unsquished tulips. Come look at a worm or something
Puppy: I’m good
Me: But you’re sitting on the tulips which is not good
Puppy: I really have to move?
Me: Release the flower, dog
Puppy: Fine. I’ll sit on the hyacinth

Love, Mom

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