Dear Kid,

The weekend has come and gone. As have the Bengals who were kind enough to provide sportscasters and the entire population of Cincinnati with something to talk about by making it look easy to lose a playoff game. This will undoubtedly be the number 2 Most Discussed Item in the TriState Area. Number 1 being the weather which is cold.

The High School (to which your sister was supposed to return today) has a new definition of “inclement”. As in: Schools will be closed today due to inclement weather. Apparently I am not the only one who is a complete wimp about temperatures in negative numbers as the entire district is shutting its educational doors for the day. This did not displease Pi.

Why is it so flippin’ cold? Turns out we are suffering from a Polar Vortex. (Which, as Dave Barry might say, would be an excellent name for a rock band.)

What is a polar vortex? you ask. And is there an antidote?

A polar vortex is a whopping big arctic cyclone, spinning seriously cold air at seriously fast speeds (100mph or more). The speed tends to keep the vortexes (vortices?)  at the poles where they belong, keeping polar bears, penguins, and Santa happy.

However, every now and then a vortex throws a tantrum and breaks off from the rest of the cyclone. This is what is happening now. And a vortex tantrum is not something you can deal with by issuing a 5 minute time out.

Thematically, it would be a great day to see the Disney movie Frozen. (I can now add Frozen to my to-do list, since I finally saw Despicable Me 2. Loved it! Thank you.) Practically, it is a good day to stay inside, stay warm, and stay safe.

I, on the other hand, have to walk the puppy. If I’m not back in a reasonable amount of time, send a search party. With handwarmers.

Think warm thoughts.

Love, Mom

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Seriously everyone. Stay warm and stay safe.