Dear Kid,

You’re safely back at school (thank you for letting us know you arrived before the weather started) and I miss you already. So does the Puppy. By the way, he’s not completely better, but he spun around at dinner time, so I take that as a very good sign of healing.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things today.

Like:

Why is it that most girl athletes with long hair wear their hair in a ponytail when they’re playing but most men (and by “most men” I mean NFL players) just wear their long hair down during games?

Why is it no one will pay me to play solitaire all day on my computer?

Who decided it was a good idea to keep running the really creepy Old Spice commercials?

Why do adults have to work on school snow days?

What impact do we think drones will have on professional football?

Why does time go so quickly from 4pm Sunday to 11pm Sunday?

What would it take to train the dog to bring me another serving of potatoes?

As you can see, it’s been a very busy day.

If you find the answers to these—or any other important questions—don’t hesitate to fill me in.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Tuesday night was the State of the Union address. It seems that (despite the Ralph Lauren promo ad for the Sochi games opening ceremonies costumes to the contrary) we still have 50 of them. States in the union, that is. States of mind is an entirely different matter and I won’t even begin to guess how many of those there are because my math skills aren’t up to the challenge.

In other news, it is still flipping cold. I left my water bottle in the car last night (accidentally) and it froze solid, thus proving that the FZR on my license plate really does stand for freezer and not Fred’s Zebra Ranch. Fortunately, the schools were open yesterday because we’ve used up all our calamity days (not sure when they stopped being “snow days”) and we only get three “Blizzard Bags” (of which we’ve now used one).

I’m not sure if the correct terminology is Blizzard Bag or Blizzard Bag Day (the concept is too new for us to have the vernacular down pat). Basically, the school district can buy up to three extra calamity days from the state with Blizzard Bags (like buying a vowel on Wheel of Fortune). On a Blizzard Bag Day, the school is closed, but teachers must post assignments online. Students then have up to two weeks to get the work done (presumably so that if not every student has home access to the internet they aren’t penalized). No word yet on a promotional tie-in with Dairy Queen.

Blizzard Bags do not extend to walking the puppy. He has to go out no matter what the temperature. Which means one of us has to walk him. In case you weren’t 100% sure, I am here to tell you that when there is a minus sign in front of a temperature, it is cold. Really cold. It’s really cold even when it’s positive low double digits. There is something odd about taking longer to get dressed to go out than it takes to walk the hound.

Woof.

As always, I am proud of you. I think seeing your kids grow up is as difficult a process for parents as it is for the child who’s doing the growing. You are never too old to hug your parents. Just sayin’.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You probably know this, but the government is still shut down. Based on the scientific study I conducted, roughly 98.9735% of the population thinks the shut down is ridiculous and that congress ought to Fix It. The remainder are college students who haven’t woken up yet. But I have great faith that once they are vertical they’ll agree too.

The best line I’ve read about the situation is “Has anyone tried unplugging the government, counting to 10, and then plugging it back in?” I almost spit my beverage all over my keyboard. Thanks Paul Kipnes.

I was reading an article that explained that essential government workers are still on the job and getting paid, while non-essential personnel are on furlough. I’m a little confused about how congress is still getting paid. That seems wrong on So Many Levels.

The world can’t watch the pandas (it’s true—all the animals at the National Zoo are being taken care of but the panda-cam is off) but the people who caused the shutdown are still on their news-cam and still getting paid. It’s one of the very few times I wish I was given to political humor.

I found a nice easy to understand chart (and by “easy to understand” I mean the chart is easy to understand, not the logic about the shutdown) explaining who works and who goes home. Just to make your life easy, here is the summary:

• NASA—pretty much everyone goes home.
• EPA—pretty much everyone goes home.
• Commerce—mostly everyone goes home except the National Weather Service meteorologists and you’ll have a hard time convincing me that with their level of errors this is an essential job.
• Labor—mostly everyone goes home except for the mine inspectors. Seriously?
• Interior—mostly everyone goes home (see panda-cam crisis above). Fish hatchery employees must continue to work because apparently baby fish are helpless and need swimming lessons.
• Treasury—mostly everyone goes home except the people actually printing money that the government is so confused about. Maybe they should keep the explainers on staff…
• Energy—about 2/3 go home including renewable energy researchers. Nuclear submarine engineers stay on the job.
• Defense—about half go home. Military recruiters go right on recruiting.
• Health and Human Services—over half go home including food inspectors. However, only a skeletal crew remains at the National Institute of Health to take care of the lab animals.

Pi summed up the entire shutdown situation with, “I don’t get it.” Well summed.

Sigh.

So what does it really mean? I don’t know. The only things I know for sure are that lots of people are being hurt economically (both directly and indirectly) and that late night comedians have a LOT of new material.

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

Last night I represented Girlfriendology.com at the gathering called MyChateau.

The event was at the Malton Gallery which is one of those places I drive by and swear I am going to find a time to go in to and never have until  last night. My opinion? I am DEFINITELY going back sometime when I can really look at the amazing art they have.

We were greeted at the door by security—I HAD MY ID CHECKED. I can’t remember the last time anyone asked if I was old enough for a glass of wine. After I got past the ID checker and the guest list checker and the Head Guest List Checker and the people counter, I was given a glass of wine (wine glass was mine to keep—its contents were mine to enjoy).

Not only did they have hors d’oeuvres (little bitty things that probably had about a thousand calories a piece and were utterly delicious), wine, and chocolate (chosen to go with the wine)—they had people giving chair massages. YUM! Sitting in the chair letting Melissa the Massage Genius soothe away the day was an excellent vantage point from which to evaluate the shoes of everyone who walking by. No one had purple patent leather pumps (then again, I wasn’t wearing mine last night either). They also had a photo booth (of which I did not partake) and music (which was not optional).

I met a few people, mingled a little, and left in plenty of time to get home before I turned into a pumpkin.

Tonight is football away against Lakota West (which really isn’t that far away). Weather.com is predicting a lovely evening so I shall plan to drive a sled and wear mukluks.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

I have been Let Down by the internet. I checked with weather dot com about the weather for last evening. They (the website) assured me that it would rain, but not until after the football game. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It rained, it poured, it drizzled, it showered, it monsooned. What it did not do was wait until after the game.

To be fair, it got much worse after we got home. My friend Sue sent me a text saying that since there were destructive storms on the way, she was eating everything that she would miss if it got damaged. Seems like a reasonable strategy. Personally I’m worried about the animals lining up in pairs. If we don’t figure out where Noah parked, I’m not sure where they’ll go.

And in truth, this is NOTHING compared to what people are having to deal with in Colorado, so I really shouldn’t complain at all.

On the plus side, Daddy is doing a little happy dance because the front planting area is working exactly the way he’d hoped. I think that means he thinks he built a baby rain garden, but since I sincerely did not want a rain garden he continues to call it The Front Planting Area. As long as we haven’t built a mosquito breeding ground, he can call it George if that makes him happy.

Pi is off to football films this morning and then she has a jam packed social schedule. I’m hoping to break up the jam a bit so she can find some time to do some school work. Wish me luck.

Weather dot com assures me that today will be cloudy but quite without precipitation. I assume that means snow is coming. I also think weather people need to learn a new, advanced way to predict the weather called Look Out The Window, because as I drove her to football I was definitely using windshield wipers.

Keep your umbrella handy—pretty sure the rain is headed your way. But I’m not a weather forecaster.

Love, Mom