Interesting Stuff: Who Knew?

5 Reasons to Protect Your Skin & 7 Things That Make Your Skin More Likely to Burn

Dear Kid,

Lecture time.

And no, you don’t get to sleep in and skip this one.

French fries are supposed to be crispy. Human skin is not. Put on more sunscreen. DearKidLoveMom.comWhile we will not (repeat NOT) call your sister a raccoon or a French fry (at least not to her face), it is clear to everyone within a 23 mile radius that she neglected to indulge in sunscreen yesterday. The glow meant we could turn off the lights last night and still see brilliantly well, but skin is not intended as an alternative light source.

To be clear. Here are 5 really good reasons not to get sun damage:

  1. Ultraviolet rays can actually alter your DNA. This is bad, because if you wanted altered DNA, you’d be a sheep.
  2. DNA damage contributes to skin cancers (yep, there are a bunch of them and they range from bad to deadly).
  3. Ultraviolet rays damage your skin and cause premature aging.
  4. You can get sunburned even on days you think are sunburn-proof. “Oh, its’ cloudy,” you say, “No need for sunscreen.” “Bah! Says the UV light.” And proceeds to burn you. According to the Mayo Clinic site, as much as 80% (that’s a lot) Of UV rays go right through clouds charring your skin (sometimes on a micro level). Think about it: you can still see on cloudy days which means light rays are not all being blocked by the aforementioned clouds.
  5. Sunburn hurts.

Things that increase your risk for sunburn:

  1. Having fair skin (obviously having unfair skin is good)
  2. Being outside (well, yeah, duh)
  3. Not wearing sunscreen—allow me to repeat: WEAR SUNSCREEN!
  4. Mixing outside with alcohol consumption
  5. Having been sunburned previously (yes, really)
  6. Tanning booths (don’t even get me started)
  7. Some medications can make your skin more likely to burn

Today’s lesson: Put. On. Sunscreen.

In case that’s confusing: Put on more sunscreen.

I’m so subtle.

Love, Mom

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Why Winter? Demeter Knows Best | Persephone Snacks

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as winter. This distressed skiing enthusiasts but pleased everyone else since snowplows hadn’t been invented yet.

Meanwhile Demeter, the goddess of the harvest, wandered around the earth wearing flimsy gauze dresses and making the crops grow. Somewhere along the line, she and Zeus had a daughter named Persephone.

Persephone was lovely and Hades, the god of the underworld noticed. Hades invited Persephone to leave the lovely topsoil and dwell (and by “dwell” I mean dwell) with him in the underworld.

Persephone had eaten exactly 6 pomegranate seeds. (Hey—sometimes a girl has to snack.) DearKidLoveMom.comPersephone said thanks but no thanks. You remember that gods don’t like being told no, right? Hades lifted an eyebrow and said, “No?”

Persephone raised both eyebrows and repeated herself. Hades frowned, picked Persephone up, threw her over his shoulder, and took her back to the underworld.

Persephone was not happy. Demeter (her mother) was even less happy. Demeter raged, she ranted, and then she went into a full-fledged funk.

Have you ever seen a goddess funk? Not pretty. And when Demeter funked, the whole world funked with her. Plants turned brown, crops withered, and people went hungry.

Now Zeus was pretty good at ignoring things he didn’t care about, but with the whole world hungry sacrifices to the gods weren’t being made and that got his attention.

Zeus went to talk sense into Hades (and by “sense” I mean tried to talk him into giving Persephone back). Hades refused. They argued. Finally, they consulted the rule book.

According to the Rules, if a person eats while in the underworld, they are stuck there forever (keep that in mind during your travels).

They quickly scoured the various meals Persephone had refused to eat—and discovered that she had eaten exactly 6 pomegranate seeds. (Hey—sometimes a girl has to snack.)

Zeus therefore decreed (being the chief number one honcho god he got to do the decreeing) that Persephone would be returned to her mother for 6 months of the year, but for the other six (one for each aril) she would have to return to Hades and the underworld.

Therefore, for six months of the year the earth is warm and happy. Plants bloom and crops are bountiful while Demeter is happy having her daughter at home. The other six months, Persephone returns to the underworld and Demeter returns to her snit. The earth is cold and barren. You might think Demeter would have gotten over it by now, but you’d be wrong.

It’s a mom thing.

Love, Mom

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You’re Not Going to Believe This: National Paper Clip Day

Dear Kid,

Some things are too ridiculous to ignore.

Allow me to be the first to wish you Happy Paper Clip Day!

For it is, in fact, National Paper Clip Day.

I decided to celebrate by pulling out one lucky paper clip and wearing it around my finger. Only it turns out that some at some point a child (who shall remain nameless) was sufficiently creative to occupy the time by stringing all my paperclips together.

Extra points for self-entertainment. Zero points for office supply management. DearKidLoveMom.comExtra points for self-entertainment. Zero points for office supply management.

There are many well-known facts about paper clips that you don’t know.

For example, the paper clip was a Norwegian invention. Unless it wasn’t. Don’t get into an argument with a Norwegian about it because they will beat you bloody. With a paper clip.

During World War II, Norwegians were prohibited from wearing any buttons with the likeness or initials of their king on them. In protest they started wearing paperclips, because paperclips were a Norwegian invention whose original function was to bind together. This was a protest against the Nazi occupation and wearing a paperclip could have gotten you arrested.

It is a well-known fact that paper clips are highly social creatures and live in herds. DearKidLoveMom.comThe real invention of the paper clip came when Stanley (last name lost in history) was standing in his office one day holding a stack of sloppy papers. His “secretary” (and by secretary I mean the lady that ran the office while Stanley stood around being useless) took the papers and realized that she needed a paper clip to hold them together so she invented one. In Stanley’s version of the story, he yelled, “A clip! A clip! My stack of papers for a paper clip!” and one fell from the ceiling.

Back in the olden days (and by “olden days” in this case I mean Microsoft Office 97), there was an animated paper clip (cleverly named “Clippy”) who would pop up to help you write letters and things.

Even earlier (and by “even earlier” I mean after WWII) Project Paper Clip was an American operation to fly German scientists including Wernher von Braun (who became famous as a rocket scientist in Tom Lehrer’s tribute) out of Germany and over to the US (the better to keep the scientists away from the Germans and the Russians).

Rare sighting of a solitary paperclip. DearKidLoveMom.comPerhaps the best use of a paper clip was Kyle MacDonald who managed (over a series of only 14 trades) to trade one red paper clip for a house. Yep, a house. A two-story farmhouse in Saskatchewan. You can read about it here.

I have never managed to trade a paper clip for anything of value, although in the interest of full disclosure, I’ve never tried.

Maybe I’d better go lock up the paper clips.

Love, Mom

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7 Steps to Drinking Wine Properly

Dear Kid,

It’s National Wine Day.

Happy National Wine Day! DearKidLoveMom.comI can’t believe it’s taken this long to get here, and I – What? Not National Whine Day? Oh. Dang.

National Wine Day is (duh) a great way to celebrate the grape. Preferably fermented.

One day, if these grapes behave, they might grow up to be wine! Happy National Wine Day! DearKidLoveMom.com

So a Wine Drinking Lesson seems in order.

1.

The first step is acquiring wine. Sometimes this is as easy as going to your parents’ refrigerator and borrowing a bottle. Sometimes it involves asking a waiter to kindly bring you a glass. Occasionally it involves going to a store and making a purchase. In the best of all possible cases, it means several friends each brought some wine to your place.

2.

Once you have acquired said vino, store it properly. Most of the time that means in a wine glass. Occasionally it means white wine in the frig, red wine on the counter.

3.

Remember the importance of glasses? Of course you do. The most important thing for college students to know about the right wine glass is to find one that isn’t chipped. For the rest of the world, red wine glasses are generally larger than white wine glasses (the better to allow the red wine to oxidize).

4.

Sniff the wine to enjoy the aroma and prepare the palate. Do not sniff like you’re trying to find a dead rat. Especially if no one else in your crowd is a sophisticated wine drinker.

5.

Take a sip. Take a swallow. Nod sagely. Do not smack your lips. Do not chug your mug. Take another sip. Try a delicate bite of cheese. Sip. Nod. Nibble. Sip. Sip. Aw, heck, drink.

6.

Refill. Try another kind of wine because no one brought the same kind to the party.

7.

It is important to store any leftover wine properly. Leftover wine. That’s funny, right?

Happy National Wine Day! DearKidLoveMom.com

Happy National Wine Day.

Love, Mom

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The Story of Tantalus, DearKidLoveMom Style

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there was a blank page in the book of Greek mythology, so a story was written to fill it. This is that story.

As you probably guessed, it’s not a happy story because it’s Greek mythology and we have all that pathos to deal with. Also, the Greeks didn’t see a lot of benefit in telling happily-ever-after stories.

And the Greeks were human, so they messed up.

Most of them messed up on a human scale and we don’t know anything about them. Occasionally, someone would mess up on a colossal scale, and BAM! myth.

Here’s one of those stories.

Tantalus was a King. His dad was Zeus, and which made him half-deity, but it turns out that when you’re a twit being half a god is insufficient. (Remember, Zeus had about half a gazillion half-mortal children.)

The gods liked Tantalus (no clue why, except possibly because he could hold his liquor) so he was frequently invited up to Olympus for dinner.

If you had been invited into the Olympus kitchens, and if you’d happened to look in the pantry, you’d know that pretty much all the god ate and drank was ambrosia and nectar. Repetitive, yes, but on the plus side, it’s the food of the gods and therefore pretty dang yummy. Not available at your local McDonald’s.

Being something of an idiot, Tantalus stole some ambrosia so that he could impress his mortal friends.

The gods did not like that, but they didn’t really punish Tantalus. Instead, Zeus had A Serious Talk with his son who promised to behave himself.

He lied.

Adding to his rap sheet, Tantalus branched out from theft and told some Very Important Secrets that Zeus had confided in him.

Think that’s OK? Er, no.

Within a short amount of time, Tantalus had proven that he wasn’t really the Best of All Possible Personages. The gods (for reasons no one can fathom) continued not punishing him thinking he’d learn and start acting his age.

Apparently stealing ambrosia is a gateway crime because then Tantalus went overboard. And when he went overboard, he went big time.

Tantalus invited all the god of Olympus over to his palace for dinner. Either he ran out of food (unlikely—he was King) or he decided to test his guests.

He killed his youngest son, Pelops, roasted him, and served him. Ewww.

Demeter (you remember her) wasn’t paying attention and nibbled some shoulder. The rest of the gods didn’t eat. And when you combine hungry with disgusted with divine anger, you go way beyond hangry.

Zeus immediately went from “Awww, kids will be kids” to ranging fury. He restored Pelops’ life (Demeter made him a nice arm of ivory since she’d eaten his original appendage).

Then Zeus decided to punish Tantalus. First he crushed Tantalus and his kingdom (presumably not Pelops, but I’m not sure). Then he got serious about punishing.

Zeus took Tantalus to the lowest level of Hades and put him in a lake. A lovely lake full of sweet water with a fruit tree branching over the lake right to where Tantalus was imprisoned. Then Zeus cursed Tantalus with hunger and thirst. Yet whenever Tantalus bent to drink from the lake, the water moved away from him. And when he reached for some of the fruit, the tree moved the branch just out of his reach.

Tantalizing story, no?

Love, Mom

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Dinner at Brown Dog Café

Dear Kid,

Last night we had dinner at Brown Dog Café (one word: de-li-shus) at their new location in Summit Park.

Being there raised questions about Summit Park which I was embarrassingly unable to answer. So I turned to My Friend the Internet, and am now pleased to provide you with the following information about the latest in Blue Ash projects.

The park is being designed to promote 5 kinds of experiences:

  1. Environment and land preservation. Three cheers and a heart-felt plug for Ohio River Foundation for helping make sure this goes in the right direction.
  2. Community celebrations. Like our famous Red, White, and Blue Ash and the Taste of Blue Ash.
  3. Educational experiences and programming. Remember the Paws in the Park event. That was educational and an experience.
  4. Wellness opportunities. There are yoga classes there. I haven’t been although I’d like to someday. There are also CrossFit classes which I’m going to pretend that I’d like to get to someday. There is also a Farmer’s Market that I really am going to try to figure out how to get to, but mid-day and early evening mid-week is not prime grocery time for me.
  5. Like some of the big concerts that used to be in other parts of the city. And a dog park for the four-legged among us.

I’m not entirely sure where dinner falls in that list. It was delicious, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t health food per se.

I tried to find out more about how they named it, but if there’s info on that they’re hiding it. They are continuing to build out the park and I for one am very excited about it.

Love, Mom

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