Dear Kid,

This is exactly what it doesn’t look like outside.

This is exactly what it doesn't look like outside.

Which is weird because it’s the middle of December and it’s supposed to be cold.

But Mother Nature is a fickle lady, and we might set a record in Cincinnati for the warmest December 23rd in the History of the Universe. (Or at least since the weather service started keeping records.)

Mother Nature is not human. We know this because A) she’s older than telephones and B) she keeps looking younger and younger in her pictures. That either makes her a witch or Grandma. Or both.

Mother Nature has always had her portraits drawn to depict her as a gentle, loving, flower-draped young maiden. However, (as far as we can tell) she is gentle only when she chooses to be. At other times she is downright cold and nasty. This is either because A) she’s Persephone’s mother and gets sad when Persephone is away or B) she was Mrs. Joe Neanderthal’s neighbor for a while and learned from the best. Or both.

Ms. Nature and Mrs. Joe Neanderthal had a love-hate relationship from the very start. We’re not sure from the start of what or when the start actually was (there were no timekeeping officials back then). The Start however was quickly followed by The Middle and has yet to reach The End.

The problem seems to have stemmed from Ms. N’s jealousy of Mrs. J. N’s furs (she grew them herself. On herself) and Mrs. J. N’s jealousy of Ms. N’s ability to make severe snow storms.

The love part was that both of them appreciated a good bit of gossip and a good cup of coffee over which to exchange or invent the news. (Coffee hadn’t been invented then, but that didn’t stop them. These were not women to whom one would want to walk up and say, “Excuse me, you seem to be drinking something that you call coffee, but coffee hasn’t actually been invented yet, so you might want to rename that beverage.”)

I told you having temperature this warm at this time of year is weird.

Love, Mom