Dear Kid,

The completion of Pi’s summer homework last night went something like this.

Pi: What was the name of that singer?
Me: What singer?
Puppy: I know!
Pi: The French one
Puppy: I know! I know!
Me: What French one?
Pi: And she died
Me: Recently?
Pi: No
Puppy: I know! I know! I know!
Me: You do not know
Puppy: Of course not, I’m a dog
Pi: And she sang
Me: Singers tend to do that
Pi: What was her name?!
Me: No clue
Puppy: Can I have a treat?
Pi and Me (simultaneously): No
Puppy: (sigh)
Me: What kind of music?
Pi: Opera. What was her Name???? I really want to write about her
Me: Why don’t you Google it?
Pi: Google what? I don’t know her NAME!
Puppy: I want a google
Me: French opera singer
Pi: That’s ridiculous. See? How could—hey! Edith Piaf! I knew that!
Puppy: I knew that too. But no one asked me
Me: Of course you did. You’re brilliant
Puppy: Now can I have a treat?
Pi and Me (simultaneously): No
Puppy: Can I have a google?
Me: You may have a tummy rub
Pi: What?
Me: Not you
Puppy: Yay!

Happy First Day of School, Pi!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Me: Puppy?
Puppy: Sleeping
Me: Cleanup on Aisle 3
Puppy: What did you drop? I’m on it! I can handle it. I’m the dog for the job! I got this…it’s a crumb! I love crumbs. That is a delicious crumb.
Me: Thank you sweetie
Puppy: Are there more?
Me: Not right now
Puppy: I’ll wait, just in case

Me: Heel
Puppy: OK
Me: Stop pulling. Heel
Puppy: I said Ok…SQUIRREL!!! I’ll get it. Must. Go. Chase! This is important. Comeonecomeoncomeon!!
Me: Heel!
Puppy: Stop yanking. That’s not nice
Me: Heel.
Puppy: You have a lot to learn about squirrels

Me: Puppy, where are you?
Puppy: Sleeping
Me: You’re in the sun
Puppy: Sleeping
Me: It’s 93 degrees out here
Puppy: That’s why I’m sleeping
Me: Why not sleep in the shade?
Puppy: You just don’t get it

Puppy: Mom!
Me: Working
Puppy: I need attention
Me: In a bit—I’m working
Puppy: Now is good
Me: How about in a little while
Puppy: Is “now” so difficult to understand?
Me: Fine. I’ll sit on the floor next to you while I work. Is that better?
Puppy: Suit yourself. I’m going to go chew on a toy

Puppy: What do you have?
Me: A grilled cheese sandwich
Puppy: That. Smells. FanTAStic.
Me: Thank you, but it’s my grilled cheese sandwich
Puppy: You might share
Me: No, that’s not going to happen
Puppy: You might change your mind
Me: Seems highly unlikely
Puppy: I’ll wait. Just in case

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?, Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party, and Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Iz Beautiful day
Me: Why are you talking with a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz Talking Wiz Russian Accent Day
Me: Have you ever heard anyone talk with a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz why iz very Bad Russian Accent
Me: I see
Puppy: I will have Borscht
Me: You will not
Puppy: To the Gulag with you

Puppy: Iz Beautiful day
Me: Why are you talking with a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz Not beautiful day?
Me: Do you even know where Russia is?
Puppy: Da!
Me: Can you tell me?
Puppy: Iz where everyone speak with Russian accent! (Silly mommy)

Me: Why have you been speaking in a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz to practice
Me: Practice what?
Puppy: Russian!
Me: But people in Russia speak Russian, they don’t speak English with a Russian accent
Puppy: But when talking to me, iz speaking with Russian accent
Me: But you’re here, not there
Puppy: Iz why to practice!

Me: Why are you practicing Russian?
Puppy: For Olympics
Me: Baby, the Sochi Olympics are over.
Puppy: For next Olympics. Da!
Me: The next Olympics are in Brazil
Puppy: Don’t be silly. The World Cup is in Brazil, not the Olympics
Me: The Summer Olympics next year will be in Brazil
Puppy: But I don’t speak Brazilian
Me: Neither do they. They speak Portuguese in Brazil
Puppy: I want a hot dog.

Puppy: How can they not speak Brazilian in Brazil?
Me: They just don’t
Puppy: Where do they speak Brazilian?
Me: Nowhere. Brazilian isn’t a language
Puppy: Doesn’t that confuse the Brazilians?
Me: They seem to manage

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name? and  Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mom?
Me: Yes, baby?
Puppy: The Kid is coming home soon, right?
Me: Monday
Puppy: What’s a Monday?
Me: Soon
Puppy: Right. So I think we should celebrate
Me: Do you?
Puppy: Yes
Me: How do you propose we celebrate?
Puppy: With treats
Me: What sort of treats?
Puppy: Special treats
Me: Any particular sort of special treats?
Puppy: Carrots and peanut butter and bananas. And cheese.
Me: I see you’ve thought about this
Puppy: Yes
Me: Should I assume you’re offering to help eat the treats?
Puppy: Well, I AM part of the family
Me: I’ll think about it
Puppy: That means “no” doesn’t it?
Me: In this particular case, that means “no”
Puppy: (sigh)
Me: But maybe we can find you a piece of a carrot later
Puppy: That would be fan-TAS-tic!!!

Can’t wait to see you.

Puppy: Me too!

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, and Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?

Dear Kid,

We have a catastrophe on our hands. Actually, more of a dog-tastrophe. Actually, more of a snack-taste-trophy.

Earlier this summer, Dad and I were at a small festival, and found the lovely makers of Treats of Love doggie treats. Being the kind of puppy Mom that I am, I invested in a small bag of mini-treats for Booker (and one for Anakin because one takes care of one’s puppy cousins).

Turns out sisters Katie Mallory and Sara Higgins bake in the equivalent of catnip in their treats. I’m sure the treats are very healthy because they care a lot about puppies, but these are seriously yummy. We’re talking I’ll-do-anything-for-one-of-those yummy. We’re talking I-am-in-snack-ecstasy yummy. We’re talking I-will-even-come-over-to-let-you-cut-my-toenails yummy.

These babies are dog-licious.

Back to the catastrophe: We are down to the last two treats. Booker is not aware that we are so perilously close to being Without These Best of All Treats, and I’d like to keep it that way, so please don’t tell him.

And it’s not like we can just run out to Kroger to replenish because KROGER DOESN’T CARRY TREATS OF LOVE. These little bits of puppy heaven are (as far as I can tell) only sold at inconvenient (for me) farmer’s markets and street fairs I can’t get to.

It appears my options are to let Booker finish the last two treats and then be out or to not give them to Booker and preserve them indefinitely. Guess which I’ll choose?

Life is not an endless bag of yummy treats.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Tell me a story

Me: I just told you a story

Puppy: More?

Me: What kind of a story?

Puppy: My name, tell me about my name

Me: Well, let’s see. When we got you from the shelter, your name was Pluto

Puppy: I had the wrong name

Me: Well, we thought it was the wrong name

Puppy: So you gave me the right name

Me: Not right away. We knew we had to find the right name, but we weren’t sure what it was.

Puppy: What did you call me?

Me: Sometimes we called you Puppy, sometimes I called you Baby.

Puppy: Because I’m your baby

Me: You will always be my baby

Puppy: Yes

Me: Then we started thinking about names. We came up with lots of names, but we just couldn’t agree. We made lists and we talked about it and thought about it and just couldn’t come up with the right name.

Puppy: Then what happened?

Me: After about three weeks, we finally decided that no one could leave the dinner table until we’d figured out your name

Puppy: And you named me Booker

Me: and we named you Booker

Puppy: And we lived Happily Ever After

Me: Absolutely

Puppy: I love you

Me: I love you too, Puppy

Puppy: Now scratch my tummy

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer,  Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, and Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning