Dear Kid,

Apparently (and by “apparently” I mean “oops”) I published yesterday’s blog without the link to the French fry video, so here it is: click here for French fry April Fool ad.

Speaking of fast food, did I tell you about the Big Mac Museum?

It’s so ridiculous, it’s awesome.

The Big Mac Museum is inside an actual Mickey D restaurant just outside of Pittsburgh.

There is a big Big Mac

And the world’s largest Big Mac.

Not to mention a plethora of Big Mac memorabilia.

Which is fantastic if you like things like that.

For those of us who happened to stop at the Big Mac Museum on our way from Here to There, it was an awesome rest stop. (Even though none of us had a Mac, big or otherwise.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s April!

Which of course means

• Showers
• Income Tax Day
• Baseball
• Patriots’ Day
• Earth Day
• April Fool’s Day

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. ~Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson

The best April Fool’s prank this year (at least that I heard about) was the Burger King commercial (in France) advertising the single French fry serving. See the video here.

In other awesome celebration news, today is Children’s Book Day and National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day.

I suggest celebrating simultaneously, but that’s probably just my crazy sense of style.

I don’t think anyone has scientifically proven that PB&J is one of the Perfect Foods, but I think it has to be in the top 10. Or maybe top 100.

I love children’s books. Children’s books are meant to be read out loud. They are meant to be read with someone snuggling next to you or sitting in your lap. They are not really meant for reading to oneself, but I say Break With Tradition! It’s a holiday! Go crazy and read a children’s book to yourself.

Or at least think about one fondly while nibbling a PB&J sandwich.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s Waffle Day!

In honor of Waffle Day, Pi and I had breakfast at Waffles Incaffeinated in Pittsburgh.

Let me sum up our experience by saying “YUM!”

I had the Mega-Berry Waffle.

Pi had a Very Interesting Waffle that she added things to to make it Even More Interesting.

We sampled all three of the house syrups (maple, maple bourbon, and vanilla). And there was a lot of good coffee for one of us. (I’ll let you guess which one.)

It was a great way to start our day.

Fun (or not) waffle facts:

• The word “waffle” is from the Dutch, meaning “wafer.”
• Unless it comes from the Old German “wefan”, which meant “to weave something into the shape of a honeycomb.”
• Waffles were brought to America by the pilgrims. Which started the tradition of turkey and waffles.
• There are waffles in our freezer because Eggo started freezing waffles in 1953. The ones in our freezer were made more recently.
• There are savory waffles in the world, but they are a mistake.

How are you going to celebrate Waffle Day? Enjoy!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

For lunch the other day, Pi and I stopped at North Market in Columbus.

After we split a macaron as an appetizer (yes, dessert as an appetizer—it was delicious; don’t judge), we wandered around looking for lunch-type food.

Pi chose a combination duck and turkey stew with a broccoli barrier and a chicken-yumminess that was reminiscent of pot-pie filling. Happy child.

I found a Greek place and asked for a delicious looking rice and lentil thing.

Server: You want just the rice?
Me: And the onions and lentils.
Server: But just the rice?
Me (confused): With the onions and lentils.
Server: But no meat?
Me (finally understanding): Ah. No, no meat. Just the rice.

The question she asked (Just the rice?) made perfect sense to her because she was used to people ordering that particular kind of rice with one of their meat selections on top. It made no sense to me because I hadn’t even considered putting a meat selection on top. When she “clarified” by asking the exact same question, I still had no clue what was going on. But when she changed the question, all of a sudden the world shifted into focus and we were communicating.

(If you prefer an alternative explanation, you could say that I should have asked a clarifying question like “What are my choices?” rather than just “huh?”. But I think I’ll stick with it being all her fault.)

It was a delicious lunch (we ate outside since it seemed to be spring in Columbus), followed by an explore. But that’s another story.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Not everything on the internet is true.

(Shocking, I know. Take a minute to compose yourself if you need to.)

Sometimes there is even conflicting information on the internet. (I’ll wait while you get a cool cloth and lie down for a few moments.)

Let’s take a random example that I just learned about: Bulletproof coffee.

Last week I met a woman who drinks Bulletproof coffee. Well, technically, I’d met her before last week, but it was last week that I found out she drinks Bulletproof coffee. Well, technically, I learned that she drinks coffee with Irish butter made with milk from grass-fed cows. Which I now know is called Bulletproof coffee.

So last week I heard about this for the first time. And a few nights ago I learned that it’s called Bulletproof coffee. And a chiropractor told me that adding butter or coconut oil to coffee is excellent for feeding one’s brain.

I like the idea of brain food. I like the idea of black coffee. I like the idea of investigating things by consulting My Friend the Internet.

It turns out the idea of Bulletproof coffee was invented introduced named by a dude who has done an exceptional job of marketing a recipe. Whether Bulletproof coffee provides incredible brain boosts, stems hunger, and creates unicorns that poop rainbows is still up for debate.

But since I live for science (stop laughing) I decided to do some experimentation to see what I could learn. (Seriously, stop laughing. When “experimentation” = “drink coffee” I’m all in.)

I did not purchase the ridiculous expensive upgraded coffee that the Bulletproof coffee website promotes because A) expensive and B) I didn’t have time to wait for it to ship. So I used my happy K-Cup in my happy coffee maker. Which I’m sure completely invalidates the science of it, but there you go. I’m a mom, not a scientist, so what do I care? I also did not purchase the medium-chain oil (please don’t ask me what that is exactly because I didn’t research that far), nor did I whip the whole thing together in the blender, because First Thing In The Morning. Perhaps I made faux bulletproof coffee. Bullet-resistant coffee?

Day 1 I made coffee and put coconut oil into it. It tasted like coffee. With a very vague hint of coconut but not really.

A few hours later it occurred to me that I should probably not be conducting experiments that involve analyzing the first cup of coffee of the day because I’m barely awake at that point.

Day 2 I made coffee and put Irish butter into it. Tasty, not at all unpleasant, but the butter took my lipstick off. Not the end of the world, but not a beauty booster.

The butter coffee was my second cup of coffee of the day, so I was awake enough to actually taste it.

My conclusion (because experiments, if I recall correctly) are supposed to have conclusions): Bulletproof coffee tastes fine, possibly even better than fine. I did not experience the euphoria the website promised, nor was I free from all hunger and cravings for the next many hours. (Minutes, yes. Hours, no.)

Would I again try bulletproof coffee? Sure. If I can figure out how to do it without calories. And figure out the whole unicorn thing.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

As you know, I am a huge believer in keeping an open mind. I am also a huge believer in desserts. Combining the two (having an open mind about dessert options) is a sort of nirvana-like experience for me.

Last night I took Pi and her future roomie out for dessert. That’s not quite right. It was Pi and it was her future roomie and it most assuredly was dessert, but we didn’t really go out. Except sort of.

We’re in Columbus for the DECA competition (Pi and future roomie are competing; I am—wait for it—one of the judges). I told the girls I would take them out for dessert because I couldn’t get to Columbus in time for dinner.

Note to burglars: The vicious attack puppy is still home. The responsible and fully-armed teenager watching him is there too. The police have been notified to keep an eye on the house but not to arrest the puppy or the teen. The neighbors are staking out the place in rotating shifts. The cricket has been trained to dial 911 at the merest indication that all is not as it should be. Did I mention the trip-wire?

The girls had various meetings about their various events, and (while we were waiting for Pi) Future Roomie and I braced Doug the Bartender and inquired about dessert options.

Doug the B was quite helpful about the (few) alternatives in the area and casually mentioned that the hotel served dessert. He even had a menu. Future Roomie and I pounced. By the time Pi reappeared, we’d decided to order a Buckeye desserty thing, a key lime tart (with blueberry compote), and a cup of coffee all of which we then took back to my room to share.

Except for the coffee which I didn’t share.

It would have been smart of me to take a photo before we dove in, but I forgot. As usual.

But back to the open mind.

Based on our personal preferences and the description on the menu, all three of us were pretty sure we were going to like the Buckeye confection better than the tarts (a serving of tart is actually two tarts).

The Buckeye thing was okay.

The key lime tarts (with blueberry compote) were outstanding.

Fortunately, the dress I brought to wear for tomorrow’s competition is very forgiving. Otherwise, I’d be ordering a corset.

Love, Mom