Dear Kid,

You are not going to believe what today is.

Today is National Marshmallow Toasting Day. Who knew?

You are already a World Class Marshmallow Toaster when it comes to campfires and backyard fire.

When you’re at college, however, campfires are few and far between.

If you’ve forgotten the history of marshmallow (and Oompa Loompas) you can read it here.

One year, we were hosting an evening of making s’mores. Unfortunately, the weather wasn’t cooperating and there was no way to build a fire in a torrential downpour. Fortunately, we are not without imagination and we lit a bunch of candles for participants to toast over. Not perfect, but inventive!

Toasted marshmallows taste like s’mores which taste like summer. And who doesn’t like the taste of summer?

BTW, there is such a thing as beer marshmallow, but it involves ingredients and processes to make marshmallow from the beer and who needs to make their own marshmallows? Especially since the idea of combining beer and marshmallows seems like a waste of beer and marshmallows.

If you don’t have a handy campfire, here are a couple of apartment-friendly marshmallow recipes.

The Standard Microwave S’More

If you don’t feel like toasting a marshmallow over a candle, you can enjoy a modern microwave s’more.

Layer up the ingredients (graham cracker, chocolate, marshmallow, more chocolate because why not) and pop in the microwave for 15 seconds. Scrunch it all together with one more graham cracker. Yum.

The Standard Microwave S’More Peanut Butter Variety

Many people (like your sister) believe that the only thing better than a s’more is a peanut butter infused s’more.

Layer up the ingredients (graham cracker, Reece’s Cup, marshmallow) and zap in the microzapper for 15 seconds. Top with another piece of graham cracker. Yum, yum.

If waiting 15 seconds is too long enjoy a Reece’s Cup while you wait.

If (in the awful situation that) you don’t have a Reece’s Cup, slather pb straight from the jar onto the graham cracker. Also good as breakfast on the go.

Marshmallow Finger Taffy (no microwave required)

When I was a wee thing, we sometimes took a marshmallows and pulled them into taffy. Why? Because it was fun, and the result tasted somehow different from regular marshmallows. Also it was messy, and isn’t that half the point of toasting marshmallows?

Take a marshmallow and squish it a couple of times between your fingers. The proper technique is to use the thumb and forefinger of both hands to then pull the marshmallow until it is taffy. You’ll just know. Enjoy. Spend the next hour getting the rest of the taffy off your fingers. Enjoy that too.

Happy Toasted Marshmallow Day, kiddo.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as a martini. This made all the olives very sad.

So the olives unionized and invented cocktail hour and James Bond.

A traditional martini is made with gin and a splash of dry vermouth, and is garnished with the aforementioned olive or a lemon twist.

According to My Friend the Internet, the martini was invented during the 1870s by a bartender named Jerry Thomas (not related to the English Muffins). Except the drink wasn’t anything like today’s martini and it was named Martinez, so in my book it’s a bit questionable. And it included two dashes of maraschino, so ick and highly questionable.

Fast forward to before WWI and an Italian immigrant bartender named Martini di Arma di Taggia at the Knickerbocker Hotel in New York City who invented a drink that is pretty much the modern martini but in different proportions. Or maybe it was named after Martini & Rossi vermouth. Either way, over the years, the drink morphed and voila! we have the modern martini.

A dry martini contains even less vermouth. A “dirty” martini is a martini that’s been slightly diluted with olive juice. If you switch out the olive for a cocktail onion, it’s called a Gibson. And when you make the drink with vodka you can call it a kangaroo (or a vodka martini, but that seems boring).

Do not keep vermouth more than a month after it’s been open. Unlike your parents, it won’t age well.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You know those pesky little expiration dates on food?

Not all food has an expiration date of course. Some food (bananas) don’t have an expiration date because they have a built in notification system. Some food (Twinkies) shouldn’t need an expiration date because no one has lived long enough to see a Twinkie actually go bad.

And some foods (according to a recent article in the Huffington-less Huffington Post) don’t have expiration dates because they never, ever (emphasis on ever) go bad.

According to the article (read it here) the magic 11 are:

1. Honey
2. Rice
3. White Vinegar
4. Real Vanilla Extract
5. Salt
6. Corn Starch
7. Sugar
8. Hard Liquor
9. Dried Beans
10. Instant Coffee
11. Maple Syrup

Of course, what this wonderful list of foods mostly leaves out is, um, food. Granted rice and beans is a Most Excellent source of nutrition, but it’s pretty much the only one.

Rice and sugar may not “go bad,” but you can get bugs. Put a bay leaf in each container to keep the bugs away (seriously).

More importantly, why would you stock up on some of these things? I guess it’s good to know that you won’t have to throw this stuff out, but hopefully you don’t have too much to begin with. I mean, how much hard liquor do you need? (Don’t answer that.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Have you ever opened the refrigerator, realized that half a stick of margarine and a moldy piece of bread are not going to cut it, raced out of the apartment, and grabbed Chipotle on the way to class? Of course you have.

Have you ever thought about making dinner, realized you have no interest in making dinner (although you have a great deal of interest in eating), and ordered pizza? Again? Of course you have.

Have you ever realized that the most nutrition you get during finals week comes from the nuts in the (delivered) Insomnia Cookies? Of course and of course.

When you’re carrying a full load of classes, working a full clinical site, (presumably) studying, working a part-time job, and occasionally making time for social activities, it can be dang hard to eat healthy.

Hard, but not impossible.

The big trick is planning.

Not saying I’m an expert at this. In fact, I’m the exact opposite of expert at menu planning. When we lived in NYC I had the luxury and necessity of planning dinner as I walked home from getting you at day care. As I planned, I’d stop in at the bodega and pick up whatever we needed that day. Voila! dinner.

When we moved to the Midwest, I discovered that people don’t walk anywhere, there aren’t any bodegas, and shopping trips needed to be planned. Then things had to be frozen and defrosted. (“Mommy, what’s for dinner tonight?” “Hmmm…chickensicles….”) I never got a gold medal in remembering to defrost.

When things got really crazy with everyone running in multiple directions, I tried menu planning. It didn’t come naturally, but it was as if I’d found a little parenting miracle. Plan, purchase, prep—no thinking involved.

Planning is the key to eating healthy on a budget (and not freaking out when dinner time rolls around).

Step 1: Write out the week’s menu. Seriously. Thinking about it in the shower is insufficient. You actually have to write down the meals and snacks.

Step 2: Now go back and write in all the ones you didn’t write down the first time. Including breakfast and lunch.

Step 3: Go back and identify the things you’d really like to have but can’t afford. Filet mignon? No. Sea bass? Will have to wait until you have a steady income.

Step 4: Make a shopping list of the things you’ll need to make all your meals. Check your frig and pantry to see what you already have.

Step 5: Go grocery shopping. Stick to the list.

Step 6: Put things away, and prep what you can. Especially think about prepping tomorrow’s meals while you finish tonight’s. Having the prep work done makes everything go much faster and more smoothly.

Step 7: Learn to love leftovers. There are people who love leftovers and people who don’t. Teach yourself to either love leftovers as they are or to transform them into something that feels new.

Step 8: Stick to the plan.

Step 9: Learn from your mistakes. Find that you have too much of one item and not enough of another? Make a note and adjust your plans going forward.

Step 10: Keep staples on hand for snacks and days when you can’t (just can’t) bring yourself to cook.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Food is weird.

Not as weird as our attitudes toward food, but still, weird.

I heard a piece on NPR the other day about Depression-Era food. “Good” food then included very bland food (“immigrant” spicy food was bad because spices were stimulants and could lead to opiate addiction) and mayonnaise-y slimy. Milk was the all-important ingredient for good nutrition and if it came in a can it was modern and wonderful.

Thrift and nutrition went hand in hand (even if those hands hadn’t been washed very well).

The need for thrift and nutrition hasn’t gone away. One summer during graduate school I pretty much lived on Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (25 cents a box; quarter cup of margarine, quarter cup of milk) and green beans (frozen). Not exactly a gourmet menu, but it fit with my time availability (minimal), budget (minimal), and kitchen (big, but shared with 7 guys who were less than motivated to clean).

I lost some weight that summer and managed to have some money saved by the time I went back to school. Win-win-win.

These days we think about food a little differently. We know the importance of fresh food (especially if you can keep the squirrels from eating the tomatoes—Dad’s having problems again). We know that spices liven food up and that there is not a direct correlation between olives and heroine.

And we know that “real” food is expensive while overly processed food is cheap. We worry about places where there are food oases. We worry about lack of nutrition for many people.

But it turns out that eating well doesn’t require lugging a sack of gold coins to the grocery store once a week.

There are still plenty of ways to eat well without spending a fortune.

Tomorrow: How to Save Money and Eat Well at College.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

“Who wants to help me make cookies and then go for a long walk?” your sister asked.

Not a completely unreasonable suggestion (for it was more suggestion than question). Except that it was already 9:15pm when she asked.

In between watching the Olympic races (mostly swimming at that hour), Dad and Pi baked 4,892 chocolate chip cookies. Dad announced every few seconds that this was the first time he’d ever made cookies from scratch. It was kind of a sport in and of itself: mix cookie dough, race back into the family room to catch up on the Olympics, race back to the kitchen before the dough is overmixed, yell to find out who the announcers are talking about, scoot the cookies in the oven, pray that the next race will end prior to the timer going off. You get the picture.

By the time Pi and I set off for a walk it was next Tuesday. Who goes for a walk at 11pm? Your sister that’s who. Who thinks it’s a good idea to go for a walk at 11pm when it’s raining and the humidity is about a zillion percent? Your sister that’s who. And who accompanies her? You got it on the first guess.

We had took the Puppy with us on the first lap, but then he was smart enough to want to go inside where it was dry, there was a comfy pillow to sleep on, and someone might be talked into giving him a treat.

Pi and I and our umbrellas continued to walk. Our Fitbits appreciated it. We also got a bit of time to catch up which is always nice and frequently entertaining.

Today’s plan (if she ever decides to wake up) is a mad dash to get her ready for college.

Yikes! My baby goes to college this week.

I’d best go lie down for a bit.

Love, Mom