Dear Kid,

Google (All Hail!) has decided that blogs are news. Actually, Google (Huzzah!) has decided that everything’s up to date on the internet and therefore many sites like Reddit and twitter are legit sources of news. Google (Woot! Woot!) is (most intelligently) including blogs in this new definition of news.

I don’t have actual data on how Google (Three Cheers!) decides which blogs and which sites to include, but no one really understands the Big G’s algorithms (and if people tell you they do, do NOT buy real estate from them). So in the absence of facts to the contrary, I assume Google (Hip Hip Hooray!) is choosing to use DearKidLoveMom.com as a source of information for all things.

This is terrific news for DearKidLoveMom and really sad news for anyone attempting to do actual research or to find an up-to-date fact.

I have plenty of up-to-date. And I occasionally publish facts. I just don’t always do them at the same time.

In all probability, you are unlikely to see me quoted as the Source of All Knowledge regarding soup bowls or the Hero of Horseradish or the Guru of Greek Mythology (none of which are trending in popular culture much less news media), but I love the possibility, infinitesimal though it may be, that I might one day be a source. Pick me! Pick Me!

Just call me Deep Throat.

Love, Mom

In anticipation of DKLM becoming a respected news source, feel free to spread the word.

Dear Kid,

I was going to write a Great and Meaningful Blog for today, but then I had to check Facebook because I hadn’t been on in 48 hours and that’s really too long, and on FB I saw a link to 16 secret rules about Disney employees so I took just a quick look which led to a series of Disney characters dressed up for Halloween. When I finished that I realized I HAD to get out of Facebook land—but first I read just a couple of posts, and then I did shut down Facebook. At which point I realized that while I had checked Facebook and one email account I hadn’t checked the other email account and what if Something Important was there? I checked the other account. Nothing important, but there was a link to an article on LinkedIn about words you should never use on your resume and that seemed important so I read the article (nothing new).

Then I really was going to get to work on the Great and Meaningful Blog, but I remembered I was going to look up why fancy soup bowls have wide brims. I’m pretty sure they aren’t called brims, but I didn’t find out because when I got as far as fancy soup I discovered several recipes that looked Most Interesting. When I got to the third recipe, I found a link to a discussion about the Bengals’ football game, and since I hadn’t seen the game I considered it my civic duty to catch up. After which I was really going to write the Great and Meaningful Blog.

Except that by then I had forgotten my original topic. So I decided I’d better start searching My Friend the Internet for Inspiration.

Which of course made me think of the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (it turns out there are tons of extensions on the original including a plush toy) and I remembered that I had stopped part way through a chapter in the book I’m reading (re-reading to be accurate) so I finished the chapter and then I wondered if the author had written anything recently so I looked him up and it turns out that he (Keith Laumer) died in 1993, which would make writing recently unlikely, but I found several titles I haven’t read and requested them from the library which reminded me I have Gone Girl on hold and have to go pick it up.

At which point I remembered that I hadn’t found a topic for the blog, so I decided to get back to work and scan for inspiration.

And you won’t believe what I found!!!

If You Give a Mom the Internet….

Love, Mom

P.S. This is a reminder to focus on studying and not on cat videos.

Dear Kid,

You have heard me talk extensively about my friend, the internet. While the two of you have met on your own turf (and by “turf” I mean laptop), I thought you might like to know why the internet and I are such good friends.

1 We’re both camera shy. (Have you ever seen a photo of the internet? Of course not.)

2 The internet always supports any and all opinions I have. Which is good because not everyone is as generous.

3 The internet and I are both full of useless (but sometimes interesting and hilarious) bits of information.

4 The internet is there for me 24/7 as a truly good friend should be. The internet is always willing to stay up as late as I am.

5 We’re both able to multi-task. Of course, my pal multi-tasks a wee bit better than I do, but the cool part is I (almost) never feel neglected.

6 The internet is patient. While I sit and contemplate, cogitate, and otherwise consider what I want to know, the internet waits. (This is an excellent balance in our friendship since I am not always the worlds most patient puppy. Watching the browser beachball spin makes me crazy. But that is a browser issue, not an internet issue.)

7 The internet doesn’t argue with people. (People argue with people. But I can frequently ignore them when they do.)

8 The internet doesn’t need to be fed and never gives me grief about my food choices.

9 The internet never fusses about the temperature in the house.

10 The internet never complains if I wander off on a tangent while looking up…oh, look! an interesting story about blogging that’s right…wait! a cat video!!!

On the other hand, the internet has never bought me a drink, provided a shoulder to cry on, or offered words of encouragement (unless I specifically looked up “words of encouragement).

I love my friend the internet, but it will never replace my real life people friends.

Love, Mom

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